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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this unseasonably rude?

54 replies

Fuzzymuddle33 · 13/12/2025 18:53

Long standing arrangement for a meal at in laws

Tradition that we drive over (45 mins or so) for a take away. It’s usually an easy and gentle catch up.

This year, they’re coming to us Christmas Day anyway but we do exchange presents this pre Christmas weekend because of DH’s aunt and uncle being present.

This year, the weekend coincides with us having my parent’s dog. In laws were well aware of this and after some initial disgruntlement were fine with this.

Late Last night we get messages to say that the dog isn’t welcome, leaving us in a difficult position.

We have our own dog (who was still welcome) but a second dog was considered too much.

I think this is really poor form the night before the occasion.

It was too late for us to make plans for the ‘second’ dog so DH and kids have gone without me.

That’s fine, I didn’t want to ruin everyone’s weekend but just think it’s rude to change the dog rule so close to the event.

I haven’t yet had an apology and fear they’ll think I’m the unreasonable one to not go and just leave the dog with someone/anyone.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fuzzymuddle33 · 13/12/2025 19:34

You can’t leave a dog for more than about 4 hours. We were due to be there for maybe 10 hours.

Their issue was ‘space’ but what’s one small dog. We offered to host it at ours instead.

Christmas we will have a ‘space’ issue with 16 guests and accompanying dogs but we wouldn’t dream of sacrificing a guest for space. Christmas is a time of making do, getting out the garden chairs etc, it’s about being together.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fuzzymuddle33 · 13/12/2025 19:35

It was known before the date was set. We could do this weekend with a second dog or next weekend without one

OP posts:
nomas · 13/12/2025 19:36

Fuzzymuddle33 · 13/12/2025 19:34

You can’t leave a dog for more than about 4 hours. We were due to be there for maybe 10 hours.

Their issue was ‘space’ but what’s one small dog. We offered to host it at ours instead.

Christmas we will have a ‘space’ issue with 16 guests and accompanying dogs but we wouldn’t dream of sacrificing a guest for space. Christmas is a time of making do, getting out the garden chairs etc, it’s about being together.

Is the in laws dog coming for Christmas?

Frenzi · 13/12/2025 19:37

I voted YABU but only because they are coming to you for xmas and you can give them aunt and uncle's presents to take back with them. Aunt and Uncle aren't children- they aren't expecting Santa to deliver their presents.

If they dont want the extra dog, wait until they come to you at xmas or accept that one of you is staying behind with the dog.

Ariel896 · 13/12/2025 19:38

Fuzzymuddle33 · 13/12/2025 19:34

You can’t leave a dog for more than about 4 hours. We were due to be there for maybe 10 hours.

Their issue was ‘space’ but what’s one small dog. We offered to host it at ours instead.

Christmas we will have a ‘space’ issue with 16 guests and accompanying dogs but we wouldn’t dream of sacrificing a guest for space. Christmas is a time of making do, getting out the garden chairs etc, it’s about being together.

You sound like my MIL. Just one small dog. Not everyone is as comfortable around dogs as others. Maybe respect that

JudgeBread · 13/12/2025 19:40

Mumsnetters hate dogs OP so you've asked in the wrong place.

They've been very rude to change plans the night before, but fuck em, now you get a day to yourself to do whatever you want with your pups. Sounds much nicer than hanging around with rude in laws to me!

Whytodayofalldays · 13/12/2025 19:43

It is rude of them op. And, as you say, you are “make do and mending” when they come to you on Christmas Day, plus you offered them a weekend when you didn’t have the dog and you offered to host instead. They are being precious dicks and YANBU.

Eyeshadow · 13/12/2025 19:44

Ariel896 · 13/12/2025 19:38

You sound like my MIL. Just one small dog. Not everyone is as comfortable around dogs as others. Maybe respect that

Show quote history

You’re right but they’re allowing 1 dog and agreed to another one.

They chose a date knowing that OP would need to bring the dog.

It’s not the not allowing the 2nd dog, it’s the agreeing to it and then changing their minds last minute.

tuvamoodyson · 13/12/2025 19:46

TheTaupeScroller · 13/12/2025 19:22

Late Last night we get messages to say that the dog isn’t welcome

that's rude. your DH should have gone alone, not even with the children.

Fine not to want a dog, but leaving it last minute is making sure you didn't go to, why else waiting so late?

Why shouldn’t the children have gone?

PopcornKitten · 13/12/2025 19:48

Do you generally get on with them or was this engineered so you didn’t go? They specifically chose the weekend that you said you had the second dog, allowed you to believe all was ok then changed their minds at the last minute.

Original poster
Fuzzymuddle33 · 13/12/2025 19:54

Ps. I’m having a great time home alone with the two dogs!

OP posts:
gamerchick · 13/12/2025 20:01

Fuzzymuddle33 · 13/12/2025 19:34

You can’t leave a dog for more than about 4 hours. We were due to be there for maybe 10 hours.

Their issue was ‘space’ but what’s one small dog. We offered to host it at ours instead.

Christmas we will have a ‘space’ issue with 16 guests and accompanying dogs but we wouldn’t dream of sacrificing a guest for space. Christmas is a time of making do, getting out the garden chairs etc, it’s about being together.

You'll have to suck it up then OP.

Personally I'd have seen it as a win. House to yourself,.order what grub you want and do what you want for a bit.

Or you can make a point and tell them to make other plans this year.

PigeonsandSquirrels · 13/12/2025 20:01

ComtesseDeSpair · 13/12/2025 19:02

It sounds as though you had to badger them into the dog coming right from the start. They should have had the balls to just say no outright back then rather than backtrack last minute, but I imagine we’ve all said a begrudging yes to something we didn’t want to, found ourselves feeling more and more and put upon as the event got closer, and then eventually decided to be firm.

I think your solution was fine, DH and the DC went, you’re doing dog care. A full house including a strange dog in a new and somewhat chaotic environment probably wasn’t a good idea anyway. It is what it is, no apologies needed either side.

Edited

Except the solution didn’t work because OP was left home alone…

Its really nasty of the parents to tell them that late leaving Op with no choice but to be excluded. They should’ve insisted earlier that it wasn’t OK if that’s what they meant.

bumptybum · 13/12/2025 20:07

sprigatito · 13/12/2025 19:06

You shouldn’t have pushed past the “disgruntlement” in the first place, then they wouldn’t have been forced into a corner. They haven’t handled it brilliantly, no, but I imagine you made them very uncomfortable. Probably best to assume that people don’t want to be landed on by a dog they don’t know.

She didn’t push. Don’t you read updates?

Rosealea · 13/12/2025 20:09

It's a them problem, you did nothing wrong.

If they're the type to stop a dog coming to their house, they're not the type of people you want to be around anyway.

I'm sure the dog would be much better company.

bumptybum · 13/12/2025 20:09

Ariel896 · 13/12/2025 19:38

You sound like my MIL. Just one small dog. Not everyone is as comfortable around dogs as others. Maybe respect that

Show quote history

So you think it’s ok to be advised that of all the available weekends, there is one weekend where there will be a second dog and then go and plan the event for that weekend. Even though it could have been booked for another weekend. And then to say ok only to change your tune at the last minute. Yeah. You don’t sound any better than the in laws in this story.

arcticpandas · 13/12/2025 20:11

somanychristmaslights · 13/12/2025 19:13

I’d rather spend a evening at home with the dog than in-laws🤣

Was going to say this as well. Consider yourself lucky @Fuzzymuddle33

hididdlyho · 13/12/2025 20:12

Fuzzymuddle33 · 13/12/2025 19:05

They know the dog. He isn’t a bother. When we were fixing the date I had said if they chose that weekend (rather than next) we would have him.

That's a bit odd then, do you normally get on ok with ILs? I'm not sure if you meant the auntie and uncle are going tonight or Christmas Day. If tonight, could it be they're not keen on dogs and ILs only found it could be an issue out last night?

chickenfucker · 13/12/2025 20:13

Goodness. I am not keen on people bringing dogs to my house unexpectedly. If I had been told weeks in advance that if I wanted to have a social occasion on that particular day the people I had invited would need to bring two dogs, and I had said that was okay at the time, and had changed my mind later on about that, it would not be reasonable to hold that against the person I'd invited who had always been clear about the two dogs on that date. I don't know how any reasonable person could think otherwise.

Zanatdy · 13/12/2025 20:16

Yes pretty rude of them to change their mind so late in the day. But guess a nice chance for you to relax with the dog!

HorseyOver40 · 13/12/2025 20:22

somanychristmaslights · 13/12/2025 19:13

I’d rather spend a evening at home with the dog than in-laws🤣

I think you’ve had the best outcome too

pteromum · 13/12/2025 20:25

chickenfucker · 13/12/2025 20:13

Goodness. I am not keen on people bringing dogs to my house unexpectedly. If I had been told weeks in advance that if I wanted to have a social occasion on that particular day the people I had invited would need to bring two dogs, and I had said that was okay at the time, and had changed my mind later on about that, it would not be reasonable to hold that against the person I'd invited who had always been clear about the two dogs on that date. I don't know how any reasonable person could think otherwise.

👏 exactly this.

dogs, no dogs, flying monkeys and pet spiders.

YOU MADE IT CLEAR the plans that weekend and GAVE options.

So yes they are very rude.

enjoy the peace and dog quiet.

FuzzyWolf · 13/12/2025 20:27

Fuzzymuddle33 · 13/12/2025 19:35

It was known before the date was set. We could do this weekend with a second dog or next weekend without one

Suitably vague. When exactly was this all agreed?

AnnieLummox · 13/12/2025 21:33

If they're the type to stop a dog coming to their house, they're not the type of people you want to be around anyway.

This is so naff. Loads of people would be uncomfortable having random pets in their house.

There’s nothing wrong with saying no to the dog. What the OP’s in-laws did wrong was to agree to the dog and then change their minds at the last minute. THAT was the arsehole move.

Owly11 · 13/12/2025 21:41

Initial disgruntlement was the clue. You had plenty of notice to sort it but you chose to try and over ride their wishes. I would hope a lesson would be learnt rather than coming on mumsnet to complain.

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