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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Public toilets! Wait for the ladies

153 replies

Burntt · 13/12/2025 17:50

Taken my dd to a London show. Timing is terrible as I’m on my heavy period day and bleeding through super plus tampons every hour or so. I am amazed at how long the lines are at all the toilets! Is this normal now for big cities? 15-20 mins wait at the station twice and something like 10 mins in a McDonald’s. Theatre I was expecting to be bad but everywhere? I don’t get out much these last few years as I’m carer for my disabled child and when we go anywhere we can use disability toilets. Stood here with my radar key looking at the unused disabled toilet trying to distract myself. Of course if the men are waiting is a couple minutes only those lines don’t extend out the door and down the corridors. How are women putting up with this?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Burntt · 14/12/2025 01:52

WallaceinAnderland · 14/12/2025 00:46

So why mention it if it's not for you?

Show quote history

I mentioned it because it was tempting me to use it and because it was relevant that due to usually having my son with me I’m not used to the line for the non disabled toilet

OP posts:
ProfessorDrPrunesqualer · 14/12/2025 02:11

Burntt · 14/12/2025 01:52

I mentioned it because it was tempting me to use it and because it was relevant that due to usually having my son with me I’m not used to the line for the non disabled toilet

Show quote history

Actually that’s not the case
An accessible toilet is a facility designed so that people who need them have them available
However
When we design buildings the toilet number of facilities are taken account of
including the accessible units

So they are there for everyone and whilst being courteous to all who may have a seen or unseen disability there is nothing wrong with everyone using them.

There's no law against it.

HeartShapedBox · 14/12/2025 02:20

SpigTheFish · 13/12/2025 19:38

From speaking to other women about this, it's the following:

  • taking a wee as an older woman takes ages. It comes out in a dribble - even if you're bursting.
  • struggling to change a tampon in a confined space.
  • having to change bladder leak knickers.
  • trying to evacuate your bowels with a rectocele.
  • changing clothes /underwear after leaks.
  • checking the pet camera on your phone.
  • doing your make-up.
  • Eating a snack.
  • Gathering yourself during an anxiety attack.

Yes, I was surprised too!

Who the hell eats in any toilet, never mind a public one? 😮🤢🤮

Ladyzfactor · 14/12/2025 02:26

Copperoliverbear · 14/12/2025 00:26

Maybe you should also wear a pad too if you know you are going to be out for long periods of time, have you spoke to your dr about it too. Public toilets are a nightmare.

I also have a day on my period that is extremely heavy. I bought a set of period panties and they work amazing as an extra level of protection.

bendmeoverbackwards · 14/12/2025 02:52

Burntt · 13/12/2025 23:33

Oh I absolutely wasn’t moaning about the women taking too long. It’s poor design I think. just feels like another way womens needs are just not considered. 10 years since I’ve been able to go out freely like this and the problem of the women’s toilets just seems so much worse

Queuing for toilets is an absolute bug bear of mine. I go to the theatre frequently and get so pissed off having to spend almost the entire interval queuing.

I use the men’s now, usually no queue!

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/12/2025 03:26

Everydayimhuffling · 13/12/2025 19:53

This is a massive bugbear of mine. There should be parity of places to pee, not parity of space. Men should have the same number of cubicles and urinals put together as women have cubicles. Anything else isn't parity. I think it's a significant part of the difference. Another part is that women are more likely to take their young children so I always make DP take at least one of our DC with him.

I agree, however I’d go further. We need even more. Men just stand there, no door, no need to remove clothing and no children unless in a cubicle.

blueberrymuffin88 · 14/12/2025 04:02

BashfulClam · 13/12/2025 17:59

I never understand what people are doing for so long. You can see people going in but they are still in the cubicle 10 minutes later while you are in the queue. Sometimes even in a 20 minute queue you never see see some people come out again or at all if the cubicle was closed when you first arrived. Even having a poo and changing sanpro doesn’t take that long. Are they going for naps?

THIS!!! I’ve never understood: I hate public loos so I’m 1.5min max.

RedTagAlan · 14/12/2025 04:33

Isekaied · 13/12/2025 23:13

I'm usually in and out quite quick.

But I think its mainly the fact that some things take longer
E.g. changing pad/ tampon.

Men's usually have more places to wee- cubicles + urine also there are always more then the total number of cubicles in the women's.

Also women usually have the kids as well as boys up to.prob age 12 at least.

I am sure I saw somewhere that under planning regs there is supposed to be equal numbers of men and women cubicles. But as you say, men also have urinals. Men don't need cubicles to pee, women do.

A solution might be a line of squat toilets, as is common in Asia. Cubicles for no 2s and other things, squats for an in and out pee ?

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 14/12/2025 07:49

Muffsies · 13/12/2025 23:32

I too have a genrous thigh. I have always changed my tampon by reaching behind whilst sat on the loo. Is this not normal then? AIBU to ask people how they're changing their tampons? What's "normal"??

Edited
Show quote history

It would be a bad idea to get too detailed on a public forum,
however…. 🤣🤣🤣😅😁😱🤯

Thats not what I do and I feel as though I’d need to be Inspector Gadget to manage that!

itsthetea · 14/12/2025 07:51

RedTagAlan · 14/12/2025 04:33

I am sure I saw somewhere that under planning regs there is supposed to be equal numbers of men and women cubicles. But as you say, men also have urinals. Men don't need cubicles to pee, women do.

A solution might be a line of squat toilets, as is common in Asia. Cubicles for no 2s and other things, squats for an in and out pee ?

Show quote history

That would be stupid - so more facilities for men when it’s known women take about 1/3 longer on average

oviraptor21 · 14/12/2025 07:56

Never noticed women taking particularly long.
The issue does boil down to inequitable provision. Women need more toilets + urinals than men for the same number of people as urinals are probably more than twice as quick to use.

everdine · 14/12/2025 07:56

ProfessorDrPrunesqualer · 14/12/2025 01:09

Me neither.

I’m amazed how many on here do tbh

but it’s touching things that are more likely to cause infections
so the flush, door handles and taps.

Show quote history

I’m always amazed too. There was a programme years ago about OCD and one man on it never used his hands to touch anything in the public toilets, he just used his feet. Can’t remember what he did about the taps!

oviraptor21 · 14/12/2025 07:57

RedTagAlan · 14/12/2025 04:33

I am sure I saw somewhere that under planning regs there is supposed to be equal numbers of men and women cubicles. But as you say, men also have urinals. Men don't need cubicles to pee, women do.

A solution might be a line of squat toilets, as is common in Asia. Cubicles for no 2s and other things, squats for an in and out pee ?

Show quote history

I don't think many women will be appropriately dressed for a squat pee, especially in winter.

FjordCortina · 14/12/2025 07:58

If the empty gents' doesn't look too grim I self identify as a bloke for the two minutes it takes.

everdine · 14/12/2025 08:02

Horrorscope · 13/12/2025 22:41

But don’t you wee on the seat if you do this?

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No, the knack is to just hover so there isn’t much gap but you’re not touching.

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 14/12/2025 08:10

everdine · 14/12/2025 07:56

I’m always amazed too. There was a programme years ago about OCD and one man on it never used his hands to touch anything in the public toilets, he just used his feet. Can’t remember what he did about the taps!

Show quote history

I’m a bit like this. I use my clothes. My sleeves, my skirt… my elbows…

everdine · 14/12/2025 08:12

RedTagAlan · 14/12/2025 04:33

I am sure I saw somewhere that under planning regs there is supposed to be equal numbers of men and women cubicles. But as you say, men also have urinals. Men don't need cubicles to pee, women do.

A solution might be a line of squat toilets, as is common in Asia. Cubicles for no 2s and other things, squats for an in and out pee ?

Show quote history

The first time I visited Japan (20 years ago) there were quite a few squat toilets and then in some places real state of the art toilets that self flushed, had lots of different buttons and played music!

idontknowhowtodreamyourdreams · 14/12/2025 08:14

SpigTheFish · 13/12/2025 19:38

From speaking to other women about this, it's the following:

  • taking a wee as an older woman takes ages. It comes out in a dribble - even if you're bursting.
  • struggling to change a tampon in a confined space.
  • having to change bladder leak knickers.
  • trying to evacuate your bowels with a rectocele.
  • changing clothes /underwear after leaks.
  • checking the pet camera on your phone.
  • doing your make-up.
  • Eating a snack.
  • Gathering yourself during an anxiety attack.

Yes, I was surprised too!

Who the fuck eats a snack in a a public toilet cubicle?! 😂😂

I get that sometimes it takes longer, eg changing a tampon on a heavy day. However, overall it is bonkers. What the heck takes people so long?!

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 14/12/2025 08:14

I once read that the mechanics of our bodies means it takes longer for women to per than men. Nothing to do with periods etc although obviously that too will play a part. It takes double the time. So to give equal access there should be double the number of women's toilets. But there never are because of the patriarchy.

everdine · 14/12/2025 08:15

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 14/12/2025 08:10

I’m a bit like this. I use my clothes. My sleeves, my skirt… my elbows…

Show quote history

I use my sleeve when I’m pressing the button for the zebra crossing!

LakieLady · 14/12/2025 08:15

There are at least 3 pubs in my town where there is just one toilet cubicle for women but men have one or two cubicles plus urinals. In two of the three, the women's toilet is up a steep flight of stairs and there's no disabled toilet.

Unless it's at a very quiet time of day, there is always a queue for the women's.

I mentioned this to someone I know who manages building maintenance for the local brewery and its pubs, and he said that because the town centre is a conservation area and most of the pubs are listed buildings, it's not possible to get consent to change the toilet arrangements.

It's an utter pain imo.

The rush to pee during the interval at concerts etc is awful. I once went to a concert at the Barbican when the women were still queueing when the interval bell rang to get people back to their seats. Even at Glyndebourne, which was only rebuilt in the 90s, they haven't put in enough women's toilets.

Thedolady · 14/12/2025 08:15

I couldn’t agree more OP! It drives me mad. I have this conversation with my husband all the time about what on earth people (ladies!) are doing in public toilets for so long. I’ve been in places where only one out of three cubicles is usable because the other two have been occupied for about fifteen minutes. It’s a public loo, do what you need to do and move on! Of course, if someone has a disability or additional needs, that’s completely understandable and they may need more time but I genuinely don’t get what those without are doing in there for so long. I agree with others too, are there no female architects designing public toilets these days?!!

ApplebyArrows · 14/12/2025 08:17

Agree with a PP that this problem seems worse in London than other places somehow?

gamerchick · 14/12/2025 08:22

LividArse · 13/12/2025 19:25

You've got a radar key. The disabled toilet is empty. You're having a flooding emergency. Come on now, use the (bloody) key!

This is the obvious answer.