Public toilets! Wait for the ladies

[Burntt]

Taken my dd to a London show. Timing is terrible as I’m on my heavy period day and bleeding through super plus tampons every hour or so. I am amazed at how long the lines are at all the toilets! Is this normal now for big cities? 15-20 mins wait at the station twice and something like 10 mins in a McDonald’s. Theatre I was expecting to be bad but everywhere? I don’t get out much these last few years as I’m carer for my disabled child and when we go anywhere we can use disability toilets. Stood here with my radar key looking at the unused disabled toilet trying to distract myself. Of course if the men are waiting is a couple minutes only those lines don’t extend out the door and down the corridors. How are women putting up with this?!

I too have a genrous thigh. I have always changed my tampon by reaching behind whilst sat on the loo. Is this not normal then? AIBU to ask people how they're changing their tampons? What's "normal"??

Oh I absolutely wasn’t moaning about the women taking too long. It’s poor design I think. just feels like another way womens needs are just not considered. 10 years since I’ve been able to go out freely like this and the problem of the women’s toilets just seems so much worse

I have a non visable disability and it does take me a while to in button sit down do the necessary and then heave myself up again yes the disabled loos are easier but I only have sticks rather than a wheelchair

Maybe they need a wee fast lane?

Maybe some signage - phone use banned ?

As a wonky walker I get to use the disabled loo - I can honestly say that and the blue badge are the two best bits of not being able to walk in a straight line.

As someone with a chronic bladder condition, I feel your pain. I’m quick in the loo but I need it very regularly. The queues are insane sometimes.

Thank goodness there are disabled loos! I would also approve a wee fast lane - like the one basket checkout.

Anyone touching phones whilst 'on the job' are being selfish and gross.

Stood here with my radar key looking at the unused disabled toilet

Ok. Why?

You have a toilet available and you're not using it but moaning about the long wait to use another facility

Because I have it to use for my disabled son who is not with me? I get enough comments/dirty looks coming out with an apparently healthy child when he has the right to use it I’m not prepared to use it when I’m not entitled

As well as all of the above considerations, it seems to be A Thing that huge numbers of women feel massively ashamed about having a poo in public toilets - and also about people knowing that they've had a poo and/or smelling the proof of it.

Therefore, there must be a lot of women who, when they simply can't avoid having a poo in a public (or work) toilet, get to the front of the queue, get a a cubicle, stuff lots of paper down to lessen the splash sound, have the poo (maybe waiting until somebody coughs or flushes), then wait until the smell has dissipated and/or it sounds like everybody has left and so they can sneak out unnoticed. Therefore, a poo alone could potentially take 10 or 15 minutes: 1 minute for the actual poo and the rest for mitigating social embarrassment at having the poo.

By contrast, the men who need a poo probably all go to the one or two cubicles (which are not already taken up by men who only need a wee), promptly and noisily drop their guts without a moment's thought, wipe, flush and walk straight out with at best a half-hearted "Sorry, mate, it whiffs a bit", no comment at all or even a proud smile on their faces.

They also know that, if there's another man waiting for the cubicle as soon as they emerge, he most probably is going to have a stinky poo in there too, so he's hardly in a position to judge or blame them for having just done the same thing. If men actually cared or felt embarrassed about the smell of poo and were in the habit of judging and being judged for having a poo in a toilet, the judges would be over at the urinals and not in the picture for recriminations at the cubicles anyway.

The only occasional bottlenecks are probably caused by shy men using a cubicle just for a wee or men taking their young children in with them who are either girls or boys who are too little to reach/not confident with using urinals.

If you're at a performance aimed at little children, and there are a lot of dads taking their kids to the toilet (and not leaving it to their wives to take them), you'll likely find that there's quite a queue for the men's too (although they'll still have set up a 'fast lane' for men without children with them who only need a wee).

1. Handbag shuffle - trying to get on the loo whilst holding your heavy handbag as there are no coat hooks on the back of the door and obviously you can't put it on the floor.
2. Desperately trying to stop your jeans/trousers/pants touching the filthy floor while trying to get a hanky/sanitary/incontinence product out of your handbag whilst sitting on the loo.

You’ve chosen the single busiest day of the year to go to London, that’s got something to do with it. Don’t try and go to London to a show when everyone’s doing their Christmas shopping.

The theatres are historic and/or listed buildings, built during a time when women were mostly confined to the home and public toilets catered largely to men.

Next time you’re down here, don’t go in Macdonalds. Just walk confidently into a nice hotel. I do that when I’m in central and I fancy a luxury poo.

Use the Radar key. I needed one for a brief time after having my son. Nobody gave me judgy looks (or if they did I didn’t notice.)

Maybe you should also wear a pad too if you know you are going to be out for long periods of time, have you spoke to your dr about it too. Public toilets are a nightmare.

So why mention it if it's not for you?

Oh I would love that. Door opens automatically every 30sec and ejects you out.

Pads are for leaks not pees (I tried a tena pants once and no they cant be used for a pee)

I also have no issue with using my radar and just can’t wait card. IBS can sometimes strike at he most unfortunate times, and I don’t give a hoot about the judgements of others. They can have my IBS if they want!!!

Indeed. All in a space which is as small as it possibly could be, only just enough room to get out of the door when it opens.

It’s always been like this

Building regs and recommended provision for toilets do not account for the fact women take 3 times longer using the toilet than men

Yes there’s been surveys on this but they don’t translate into changes in the regs.

Why
Ask the men making the decisions because as a female Architect I’ve been trying to get better provision for women all of my career and I’m late 50s now.

As an aside
When we calculate the number of facilities for a venue the accessible ( disabled) and unisex toilets ( if they have them) are included in the overall numbers
So if any of these are free just use them or we are not using the facilities provided.

( it goes without saying if there’s a queue for the disabled they take priority as they can’t use standard toilets )

@intrepidpanda I was talking about for her heavy periods so she doesn’t leak anywhere onto her clothes if she can’t get to the bathroom

Me neither.

I’m amazed how many on here do tbh

but it’s touching things that are more likely to cause infections
so the flush, door handles and taps.

Actually women should have three times the number men have, not the same

SpigTheFish
From speaking to other women about this, it's the following:
taking a wee as an older woman takes ages. It comes out in a dribble - even if you're bursting.
struggling to change a tampon in a confined space.
having to change bladder leak knickers.
trying to evacuate your bowels with a rectocele.
changing clothes /underwear after leaks.
checking the pet camera on your phone.
doing your make-up.
Eating a snack.
Gathering yourself during an anxiety attack

Or:

Drunk and trying to get self together or on phone. So many excuses but in real life this is what it is!!

I think it should be at least four, possibly five, times as many.

So, if the men have four urinals and two cubicles, the women should have between twenty-four and thirty cubicles. I think that sort of ratio would help to even out the time it takes for men and women to use the loos.

In my experience, the only places that have adequate numbers of cubicles for women are motorway services. Sometimes, at motorway services I will actually emerge from the loo fractionally before DH does. I've never had to queue for a cubicle at a services venue.

I say three times because it’s been proved the average time it takes a women to use a toilet is 3 times that of a man

Im always queuing at service stations for me it’s those and theatres that are the worst