To be annoyed at being told exactly what present to get nephews

[Pinnochiosnose]

Just wanting to get perspective from someone else about this. My sister is quite intense at the best of times. We are just back from Disneyland and have been told more than once not to mention it to her kids that we were there or bring anything back from Disney for them as she doesn't want her kids to be "sucked in" to the whole Disney commercialism. Quite frankly I'm happy to respect that (although inwardly grinning as once they start going to school it'll be a whole new ball game). But after having to declare giving Disney-free presents for Christmas I told her exactly what I had got them. Because she had already said what she wanted me to get them to get, and I had added in one or two things extra, she goes into sulk because I bought more than she had wanted for them. I do understand it can be annoying if someone buys too much for your children but surely it's rude to complain about such a thing? I only see her and her kids about once a year due to distance so didn't think it would be such a big deal. Now I honestly don't feel like buying any future birthday/Christmas gifts for them if the parents are going to be so ungrateful! So what i would like to know is it unreasonable to complain about getting bigger presents than you asked for or is she right?! Her kids, her rules?

I think it depends on how much extra you got??

i also think it’s pretty rude to tell you exactly what to get them in the first place. My sister and I are really close, chat all the time and I can talk to her about anything but I’d still never dream of telling her what to get her nieces. She usually asks for ideas and I’m happy to give suggestions, or sometimes I’ll say “if you’re needing ideas let me know” then she usually asks for links. Same with my niece and nephew, I’ll either ask for ideas or text her and say what I had in mind before buying but that’s more in case she’s already got it from her or Santa etc

This is a two sides situation.

On one side.. you want to get nice things for your nephews.

On the other... presumably they asked for a few things, the parents allocated each one to family members so everything was covered. And also wanting to control the volume of stuff, as its all the little things adding up.

I love when my sisters/in laws tell me what to buy!
No waste, quickly ordered online or sourced locally, knowing exactly where and what size etc
We never rip the piss out of it with prices.
TBH I’d be annoyed as well if I’d told my sister what to buy and she’d landed with a whole pile of gifts. I hate clutter and have a pretty small house with limited storage so it would stress me out. Kids might play with them for a few weeks then it’s my job to bag everything up and find a charity shop that accepts second hand toys on my Saturday off work.

I have ND children. Other people wouldn’t realise they were ND and at pre school age I didn’t have clue. They struggle with too much stuff and can be very specific about what they want and I know what things they wouldn’t like.

I think she was unreasonable to complain but inwardly I would be annoyed.

The extras were some clothes!! Two items per child. Not exactly excessive!

It is rude to complain but as she’s your sister, she probably feels like she can be honest.

Are they the correct size for her children rather than just their current age? I would assume they have enough clothes so it’s just an extra fit in some where.

My sister and I go Xmas shopping together for the express purpose of saying "ooh, get that for X", "Y would love that" etc
Then the kids get what they want without anyone wasting money on random crap just to give "something"

Quite frankly I'm happy to respect that

do you have children?

She sounds ridiculous and I wouldn’t be pandering to any of that.

she doesn't want her kids to be "sucked in" to the whole Disney commercialism. 😂

She's one of those mothers. Yes, she is BU and rude, but don't take it personally.

Hopefully she will have to eat her words before her kids suffer from her miserable attitude. Until she changes, she will make everyone laugh behind her back, the kids will be feral as soon out of her sight when they have access to everything she bans and that is normal for other children. Within a few years, she'll be drowning in plastic crap because she doesn't know how to manage things sensibly.

Dont' take it personally, stick to the list, but having to lie to your own nephews about your own holiday is a sign she's being ridiculous.

I understand where you're coming from but to give another perspective I have 4 kids and we have a real issue with present giving from relatives. We appreciate it's lovely, generous and we are appreciative. However, we have no space. At all. There is too much stuff. We do sometimes ask for specific items if people ask what to get them, and we keep it to lower priced items, but we have also started to specify what not to get them and it can be frustrating when people deviate from that. What is "just" another small item of clothing per child, another soft toy, another colouring set, another book, another doll, another toy car etc mounts up. To you, it's only another couple of items of clothes which is lovely for you to get them. But what if several other people do the same thing? If every grandparent in our family buys each of my kids "just a wee teddy" for Christmas that's potentially another 16 soft toys to add to their already vast collection. I feel like we may have come across as a little rude with our list of things to please not buy them but they really don't need these things and we really have no space. It also means there's nothing left for us to buy them sometimes 😂 We're aware we're fortunate to have people who love our children so much but it can just be a lot y'know?

Yes i do. And unless someone gave them a swiss army knife, plastic gun etc i always accepted that people give gifts out of kindness and this should be acknowledfed

I absolutely love it when family members are really explicit about gifts for their children. I love it even more if they send me a link so I can just order it!

So in that case, I can’t fathom why you’re happy to respect no word of Disney being mentioned. Are you going to forbid you children from raising it?

You see each other once a year… over Christmas?

Yes that's all

Heavens, I don’t suppose that makes for a particularly joyous occasion, for anyone

We live in different countries. Circumstances don't allow for more frequent visiting. It's actually normally ok and my kids love visiting them

A list of what people want for Christmas is very welcome to me. Otherwise I have no clue what is age appropriate, what they already have, what they like. Even more so for a child I see once a year.
Clothes are not a present for a child imo, especially preschool age.

on the basis of this these, I don’t imagine that much life lost between the pair of you.

So you’re going to have to forbid your children from mentioning their Disney holiday?

I always thank people for gifts for my children but it can be a bit of a nightmare when they get a lot of stuff. I really don’t like clutter and at the moment my living room is bursting with kids toys (we have a baby and a toddler so their toys are different at the moment but will soon align - think jumperoo/play mats but also toddler kitchen, toy box, kids sofa etc). I’m dreading the Christmas influx tbh!

She sounds annoying, mountains and mole hills etc

Listening to the carping on MN over presents - clothes aren’t a gift, pyjamas aren’t a gift, we have no space, we only want DC to have educational toys, etc, etc, I’d be inclined to buy children nothing. What’s the point when a good deed gets savaged? I bet these ‘no room’ people would find space for their own nice things.

I’ve never told anyone what gifts my DCs could receive. It’s a gift! I’m happy to give ideas but I’d never be such a mega control-freak that I’d dictate exactly which items my children could have.

OP you sound like a lovely aunt.

She sounds like a nightmare!