To feel oddly hurt about this?

[shouldntbeaskingthis]

Work Christmas do last week, very small team (3 including my boss), we met for a lovely meal. I am a good baker and made people homemade truffles in beautiful boxes together with other little bits. My one colleague had a big present for my boss but only a card for me and was very embarrassed when he only had a card for me so he gave me money on the spot and said to "buy the children something with it". Aibu to feel weirdly hurt by this and really awkward?

If you have worked together for ages what do you normally do about presents? Do you give each other presents every year? Or do you normally only buy your boss. Seems like you caught him on the hop and he wasn’t expecting you to get him anything. Nothing worse than not having a gift for someone when they have one for you.

Op how come you’re not responding on what has happened in previous years? It is leading me to believe this is the first year you have gifted him. And if was you who deviated from tradition. And expected him to telepathically know.

He's unlikely to recognise the amount of time and effort that went into the truffles.

Next year, a card and a small box of bought chocolates for each of them. You can't go with nothing next year, as he will remember next year. He clearly realised he stuffed up this year. Buy the kids something nice and move on.

I think the op needs to confirm what they have always done. The fact she’s not said we always buy each other gifts, so no excuse, not said what has always happened, makes me think they do not typically gift each other, and she’s the one who changed etiquette here and he’s been caught awkwardly on the hop, and she’s embarassed as she took a tenner off him

Sorry folks I have somehow failed to respond to this! Usually everyone gets something for everyone (grand total of 3 people 😅)

Absolutely valid opinion!

Again, it’s fine for him to get a present just for his boss. He does not owe you a gift. But he shouldn’t have given the gift in your presence.

Why do you think he owes you a gift?

Maybe he is tired of dusty truffles every year?

I groan when someone gives me home made truffles.

Maybe he's having an affair with the boss.

Then it’ll be the truffles. He saw them and decided to give the gift he’d got you to your boss.
There’s no other logical reason he’d buy two gifts for the same person.

I think it is weird that any of you turned up with gifts without discussing it beforehand.
You put him on the spot.
Did your boss buy either of you a gift?
Even more weird that you are hurt.
I would not expect a gift from a colleague, unless it was a kris kindkd or eat home made truffles

Then yes, if you always gift each other, and he gave two to the boss,he saw your gift, and decided not to give you yours. He won’t understand rhe effort and will have thought you cheated out. “A beautiful box “ does really cut it with most men and he’s maybe not interested in some truffles.

easier to explain if you don’t usually gift each other, but if you do, it’s the only explanation. Then he felt like he had to do something when he saw your face and bunged you a tenner.

We ll that is strange if he gave you a gift every other year..... What did you each give the other last year?

Why not ? It was your choice to do the gifts and you should give them with no expectation. It’s your work colleagues it’s not your Mum leaving out a sibling ! Honestly I can’t even believe you have posted about it and wasted your time

OP I'm with you. I don't kow how you could meet up with two people and get a gift for one, very strange 🤔Plus looks dodge that it was the boss he didn't forget! You deserve the tenner (not sure why people getting so hung up that you took it, surely in the ((awkward)) moment you would)

However, awkward you feel, they’ll feel worse. Next time explicitly let people know if you are doing gifts, especially as you seem sensitive about this stuff.

Of course they sucked up to the boss with presents and not you, that bit is self-explanatory. I can’t understand how you ended up taking the money though? Unless he tucked it in your bra, you just don’t take the money. You insist that it’s not necessary but if they insist harder, you tell them to give the money to [insert charity] or buy the team some doughnuts/ chocolates or a round of drinks and you excuse yourself.

Yes, I always believed that when it comes to work, presents don't go upwards. Maybe different with a small team and some homemade baking would be ok. Buying a boss or manager 2 big presents is just weird and in some companies would think the boss would not be able to accept them.

No, I imagine the vast majority of people would not have taken the money.

No I think most people would cringe themselves inside out before they took a pity Tenner off a colleague.

But he basically threw it at her and left. It's not like he said "do you want money?". I can just imagine being embarrassed/shocked/not wanting to appear rude in the moment.

Yes this 100%!

But earlier you said he placed it in your hand, said get something for fhe kids and then walked off? That you saw him coming up to you with the tenner?

I get maybe you are embarrassed you took it though.

He didn’t throw it at her, we all know that 😆
She had to literally choose whether to reach out and take it in her hand or not, and she did.
She can’t retro spin it into her not being physically able to resist.

I know but I just think sometimes it takes time to digest these things, especially when she was already surprised at the (lack of) present scenario. I think that woild have put a lot of people on a back foot. We'd all do things differently of we had a bit of warning.

It was just a lack of a present, he didn’t take a dump on the floor, or punch her one. 😂