Page 2 | To feel oddly hurt about this?

MargaretThursday · 13/12/2025 10:43

I think you made him feel awkward. Have you done presents before?

You say it's a small company with a family feel - maybe he is friendly with the boss in a way he's not friendly with you. I mean dh has worked for his company for years now, and there have been times he has been friendly enough to go our socialising with his line manager or someone he manages.

He shouldn't have given them then, but I'm also thinking that I don't think you should have brought the presents to a meal for three because it was always going to be awkward if one of the others hadn't done presents either.

The fact you needed to talk about how good you thought your present was:
I am a good baker and made people homemade truffles in beautiful boxes together with other little bits
makes me wonder if you actually resent that he had also got the boss a present and you wanted to stand out, rather than mind he hadn't got you one. You've also made an issue that he bought the boss two presents, when again it sounds like you did more than one present - "other little bits".
I would have been more normal for you to say "I'd got them each a present..." rather than saying what a special gift you had.

Twistedfirestarters · 13/12/2025 10:43

If you're doing so much at Christmas it makes you feel stressed and wobbly, you need to take this as a sign to do less next year. Don't martyr yourself making truffles when you don't really have time to do it.

Weird of him to get a present for one person in a group of 3 and then he just tried to make it better in a really awkward way.

Ravingstar · 13/12/2025 10:55

shouldntbeaskingthis · 13/12/2025 09:22

Work Christmas do last week, very small team (3 including my boss), we met for a lovely meal. I am a good baker and made people homemade truffles in beautiful boxes together with other little bits. My one colleague had a big present for my boss but only a card for me and was very embarrassed when he only had a card for me so he gave me money on the spot and said to "buy the children something with it". Aibu to feel weirdly hurt by this and really awkward?

I think this sounds like a lovely gift and thoughtful too. He felt awkward and meant well and tried to make it up in an albeit clumsy way. But I don’t think there’s anything for you to feel bad about. Next year he will probably get you a gift too.

slight derail but would you share your truffle recipe? Is it easy to make? I am not a good baker but I aspire to be like you!

zingally · 13/12/2025 10:56

Buying presents for bosses is fairly icky IMO.

Presents flow downwards, not up.

Lesson learned for next year though, dial it back.

Pancakeflipper · 13/12/2025 10:57

Stop overthinking it.
They made an instant reaction to a situation and told you to buy the children something.

Accept the awkward offer and buy something for the children.

Tooobvious · 13/12/2025 11:06

I can understand why you feel awkward, but not why you feel "hurt". Hurt because he hadn’t bought you a gift? I don’t know why he bought the boss a gift, but presumably it just hadn’t occurred to him that if he was going to give it at this occasion, he should get one for you too. Did the boss give you both presents? If so, and if your colleague has experienced this in previous years, that might be why. My work colleagues and I never buy each other Christmas presents.

I expect he felt even more awkward. He'll be prepared next year. Buy something for your children and forget about it.

Original poster

shouldntbeaskingthis · 13/12/2025 11:06

Newmeagain · 13/12/2025 10:31

You didn’t do anything wrong. When you are such a small team it’s weird to present your boss with a present and nothing for you. Did he give it to your boss in front of you??

Yes this exactly! Surely when we're 3 people I total you give both people something?

OP posts:

Original poster

shouldntbeaskingthis · 13/12/2025 11:12

Pancakeflipper · 13/12/2025 10:57

Stop overthinking it.
They made an instant reaction to a situation and told you to buy the children something.

Accept the awkward offer and buy something for the children.

Okay! I think this might be the way forward 😅

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Twistedfirestarters · 13/12/2025 11:38

shouldntbeaskingthis · 13/12/2025 11:06

Yes this exactly! Surely when we're 3 people I total you give both people something?

Show quote history

I do agree with this. Odd to buy for one person in a group of 3. You know what's going to happen next year? You will only buy for the boss and your colleague will buy for both of you and you'll be the one chasing him around with a cash in your hand!

Original poster

shouldntbeaskingthis · 13/12/2025 12:04

MargaretThursday · 13/12/2025 10:43

I think you made him feel awkward. Have you done presents before?

You say it's a small company with a family feel - maybe he is friendly with the boss in a way he's not friendly with you. I mean dh has worked for his company for years now, and there have been times he has been friendly enough to go our socialising with his line manager or someone he manages.

He shouldn't have given them then, but I'm also thinking that I don't think you should have brought the presents to a meal for three because it was always going to be awkward if one of the others hadn't done presents either.

The fact you needed to talk about how good you thought your present was:
I am a good baker and made people homemade truffles in beautiful boxes together with other little bits
makes me wonder if you actually resent that he had also got the boss a present and you wanted to stand out, rather than mind he hadn't got you one. You've also made an issue that he bought the boss two presents, when again it sounds like you did more than one present - "other little bits".
I would have been more normal for you to say "I'd got them each a present..." rather than saying what a special gift you had.

Erm, ok🤣🤣 I was merely saying that I had a present for both and that I find it odd to leave one person out, and that I've made an effort to give something personal. . Not sure what you are trying to say here.

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Original poster

shouldntbeaskingthis · 13/12/2025 12:05

Twistedfirestarters · 13/12/2025 11:38

I do agree with this. Odd to buy for one person in a group of 3. You know what's going to happen next year? You will only buy for the boss and your colleague will buy for both of you and you'll be the one chasing him around with a cash in your hand!

Show quote history

I think this is just what might happen 😁

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Original poster

shouldntbeaskingthis · 13/12/2025 12:11

Twistedfirestarters · 13/12/2025 10:43

If you're doing so much at Christmas it makes you feel stressed and wobbly, you need to take this as a sign to do less next year. Don't martyr yourself making truffles when you don't really have time to do it.

Weird of him to get a present for one person in a group of 3 and then he just tried to make it better in a really awkward way.

Yes I totally agree. I have absolutely done too much this year, several dinner parties etc which was fun for a bit but it all got too much!

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RightOnTheEdge · 13/12/2025 12:22

If you've both been in the company for ages how has it usually worked at Christmas with gifts?

It seems like a massive overreaction to be hurt and wobbly about it.

I'd have just laughed, said thanks and bought the kids something nice or used it towards taking them out for tea or something.

Try to chill out and enjoy things and not put yourself and others under so much pressure.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 13/12/2025 12:24

I don’t think it’s weird to give a present to your boss. My big boss has been really supportive to me this year when she didn’t have to be, so I gave her a present to show my appreciation. My regular boss has been a micromanaging pain in the arse so got nothing. YOU chose to make truffles. Which is lovely but you should only make them if there are no strings attached and that you definitely don’t expect to get anything in return. Even if others get gifts and you don’t.

You don’t know what has gone on between boss and colleague this year - maybe colleague was really grateful for something boss had done for them? Who knows. And who cares. People can give gifts to who they like. The giving you money is ridiculous. I wouldn’t have accepted it but as you have… get something nice and forget about it all.

Original poster

shouldntbeaskingthis · 13/12/2025 12:40

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 13/12/2025 12:24

I don’t think it’s weird to give a present to your boss. My big boss has been really supportive to me this year when she didn’t have to be, so I gave her a present to show my appreciation. My regular boss has been a micromanaging pain in the arse so got nothing. YOU chose to make truffles. Which is lovely but you should only make them if there are no strings attached and that you definitely don’t expect to get anything in return. Even if others get gifts and you don’t.

You don’t know what has gone on between boss and colleague this year - maybe colleague was really grateful for something boss had done for them? Who knows. And who cares. People can give gifts to who they like. The giving you money is ridiculous. I wouldn’t have accepted it but as you have… get something nice and forget about it all.

No but it is not about getting a present for me per se- it's just about getting one person two presents and the other one nothing when it's only 3 people in the office. We've all been in the company for ages and it's always been give both people something.
But yes noted on the truffles I'll definitely won't go through so much effort again next year.

OP posts:

Original poster

shouldntbeaskingthis · 13/12/2025 12:41

RightOnTheEdge · 13/12/2025 12:22

If you've both been in the company for ages how has it usually worked at Christmas with gifts?

It seems like a massive overreaction to be hurt and wobbly about it.

I'd have just laughed, said thanks and bought the kids something nice or used it towards taking them out for tea or something.

Try to chill out and enjoy things and not put yourself and others under so much pressure.

Probably the best advice I've had in a long time! I'll try to take the pressure off absolutely....I think this might be the problem really.

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JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 13/12/2025 14:52

shouldntbeaskingthis · 13/12/2025 12:40

No but it is not about getting a present for me per se- it's just about getting one person two presents and the other one nothing when it's only 3 people in the office. We've all been in the company for ages and it's always been give both people something.
But yes noted on the truffles I'll definitely won't go through so much effort again next year.

Show quote history

But people can choose who they want to give presents to. No one has to give anyone a present. I’d say it was odd to give presents to the boss in front of you, but not odd to not give you a present. You’re reading too much into it all. Forget about it.

fruitfly3 · 13/12/2025 14:56

I’m not sure if I would find this odd to be honest. If it was the boss giving I definitely would but not a colleague

Silverbirchleaf · 13/12/2025 14:57

Yes weird to buy presents turbine person, but not the other. Even a token bottle of wine woujdn’t have sufficed. Wonder if one one of the two presents for the boss was supposed to be fur you, and the boss got both.

I’d feel put out as well.

SmallTortoise · 13/12/2025 14:59

He's probably cringing at himself. Just let it go. He was probably panicking that he'd not got you anything. People with home making/ crafting gift talents can throw/ shame the rest of us! - lovely as they are!
I can slightly imagine his Mumsnet post now😂

thepariscrimefiles · 13/12/2025 15:24

MargaretThursday · 13/12/2025 10:43

I think you made him feel awkward. Have you done presents before?

You say it's a small company with a family feel - maybe he is friendly with the boss in a way he's not friendly with you. I mean dh has worked for his company for years now, and there have been times he has been friendly enough to go our socialising with his line manager or someone he manages.

He shouldn't have given them then, but I'm also thinking that I don't think you should have brought the presents to a meal for three because it was always going to be awkward if one of the others hadn't done presents either.

The fact you needed to talk about how good you thought your present was:
I am a good baker and made people homemade truffles in beautiful boxes together with other little bits
makes me wonder if you actually resent that he had also got the boss a present and you wanted to stand out, rather than mind he hadn't got you one. You've also made an issue that he bought the boss two presents, when again it sounds like you did more than one present - "other little bits".
I would have been more normal for you to say "I'd got them each a present..." rather than saying what a special gift you had.

What a mean spirited post! You are really reaching here to make OP the bad guy.

MILLYmo0se · 13/12/2025 17:10

shouldntbeaskingthis · 13/12/2025 12:40

No but it is not about getting a present for me per se- it's just about getting one person two presents and the other one nothing when it's only 3 people in the office. We've all been in the company for ages and it's always been give both people something.
But yes noted on the truffles I'll definitely won't go through so much effort again next year.

Show quote history

So every other year he has given you and boss something, and you've given them both something?

Jllllllll · 13/12/2025 19:11

Don’t make anything homemade. It’s time consuming, expensive and generally not appreciated.

Spottingtwerps · 13/12/2025 20:51

No one could have done anything to match up to your gift. I think almost anyone with or without a gift would have felt a bit inadequate. Shop bought chocs, a bottle of wine or whatever standard office gifts people give would all pale away when compared to home made truffles in extra special boxes.

The guy obviously felt embarrassed, did a bit of an awkward British thing and shoved money at it because he didn't have anything else with him. I'm actually not sure what the problem is. Why on earth does this make you feel "wobbly"?

abracadabra1980 · 13/12/2025 20:53

When a person assumes another person should think the same as they do, it always leaves me perplexed-totally weird. Can't you just laugh it off?