I just had to make my first safeguarding referral

[alittleshaken]

Obviously I can’t share details but I feel so upset for the poor child and family, and feel filled with guilt even though we’ve all agreed it was the right thing to do. It’s just not a pleasant thing to do at all

@alittleshaken

It sounds like you have raised safeguarding concerns as opposed to completing a referral?
I really don't know why people are picking you apart.
You asked for advice and acted on it. I think people should also remember that safeguarding isn't just about deliberate neglect and abuse by a family.
Im a foster carer, I've had to raise safeguarding concerns about the child currently in my care because they are starting to engage in risky behaviours and I want action before they go too far.
You have done the right thing and played your part. Its now over to the people engaged with the family to take over.
Whatever the rights and wrongs working around children and families can be stressful and heartbreaking. Its ok to have emotions around it.
Im also an adoptive parent. I think my now adult son was rightly removed from his birth parents. But as I know the full story, I can also have empathy with them. These things are complex.

You have done the right thing, ignore anyone who says otherwise. Well done for identifying the concern and making the report.
The safeguarding team will review all of the information available and determine what is needed, offering support to safeguard the child.

In our health board a safeguarding referral is a 2 sided form that is sent to the safeguarding team. The safeguarding team review the information and decide what action is needed, which can include support for the family.
The OP has been advised by clinical colleagues to make a referral, so this is what they have done, which is the right thing to do.
Anyone who works in health or social care or education, whatever their role has a duty to report a safeguarding concern, they would be negligent if they didn't.
It's not a nice thing to have to do, anyone with a bit of compassion in them will feel guilty.

You don't have a choice, you have to, and it does feel awful to do it. When families are having difficulties help and support can be offered, it's not just a case of wading in and accusing.

I have two adopted children (adults now). They were neglected as babies and could have died. There were lots and lots of calls to social services from school, neighbours, even wider family. These saved their lives. Social services did spend about a year trying to keep the family together - they will try to help, and for some families that will be transformative. Other outcomes could include a domestic violence perpetrator leaving the family, or the children going into care. Whatever, you have done your bit.

Safeguarding social services? Safeguarding at the hospital?

Pardon?!

That is support, it’s obviously impacted you quite a bit by the fact you have posted and your username, you shouldn’t have to feel that way at work, hence passing it to someone else.

If you have a safeguarding concern about a child or adult, contact your local council.

OP you’ve done the right thing. Without knowing what went on (and I’m not asking), I suspect you feel bad because you’re putting yourself in the parents’ shoes, but it’s the child’s shoes that matter most. SS will work in the best interests of the child and it could make a world of difference to their life. Experiences in childhood shape a person xxx

Quit! And just really another way to pile on to the OP

OP is upset because she's become aware of a distressing family situation and acted accordingly.
It's very upsetting to see firsthand what some children go through, particularly when you have your own children of a similar age. OP has shared because she wants a handhold from a safe community and is getting lashed for it.
She may have used the wrong terminology but so what. It's glaringly obvious that she had to do something she found difficult (and I would too) and wants virtual reassurance. That's all. Is that really so hard?
So here's a virtual hug from me, OP. And some poor girl's flowers. 🫂💐

Well done @alittleshaken

You've done the right thing for this child and this family.

But I get it's hard. If you're a compassionate person, a referral is never easy to do.

You've told the right people your concerns and it's now up to them to look closer at what's going on and what the lived experience is for that child.

Get some chocolate/wine/crisps down your neck and give those you love a tight hug.

I did it once and the children were removed from their mother that day. It was absolutely the right thing to do.
Don't stress. Give yourself a pat on the back and have a glass of wine.

I’m really confusx

because if you made it you surely think the child is unsafe. So why would that make you feel guilty?

you might literally be saving a child?

Because humans can experience a complex range of emotions -even when doing the right thing - and question themselves especially when doing something for the first time. So the best thing to do is talk it out with others who can advise and empathise and then hopefully the feelings of guilt will go.

Interesting, I just thought it was because they were callous and uncaring about somebody looking for empathy. She’s provided absolutely zero identifying details. The only reason to pick holes in her is because they enjoy it.

It's natural to have found this difficult and upsetting. You have become aware of a child who may be at risk of harm. You know that the wider family are also vulnerable. It's great your work have clear procedures and you have followed them, you are not responsible for what happens (or doesn't happen) now. It's only human to be distressed when you know others are suffering but try not to dwell on it or let it stop you doing your job.

I think it’s important to talk about the guilt feel about making these reports even with it being the right thing to do.

I worked in a school where a member of staff made a report about some students. They then tried to take it back once something happened. They ended up losing their job over it.

Sorry people are being so weird about this. My sister works in an area where she has to make referrals quite regularly and it never gets easier for her. You're doing something that can affect a family, for right it for wrong, and it's human to be affected by that. So, so human.

Edit: in fact I didn't have to make a referral but I remember the guilt I felt last year when I had to mention something to the school about another child that was relevant to an incident that happened with mine. I didn't know if there was something already known about the child or if I was the first person to mention it and I agonised over it. Sometimes you can be sure you're doing the right thing but still doubt yourself anyway.

Akin to feeling upset when our children get their jabs.

Yes! Exactly that! We know we are doing the right thing by having them done but we also know it is going to make them feel shitty for a while and we are the ones who are supposed to protect them from pain. And if you had a dc in the 90s the added worry of if it will cause autism in our child (I don’t know if that’s still prevalent) Getting our dc jabbed is stressful.
I love a good analogy

Just remember you are safeguarding the child. They may have other referrals - it all adds to the picture of the family. The LADO makes the decision on what action to take. You have done the right thing

Weird then that this case was on your an administrator’s desk, and not on the desk of someone who deals with this everyday.

Sounds like it would have been best passed on to that team in the first instance.

She was the one who saw the incident, so she has to report it. Otherwise the team would be saying ‘Shaken told me that…’.

I would imagine you'd only feel awful about it if you have a sneaking suspicion it wasn't the right thing to do.

Someone did this to a very good friend of mine. The amount of damage it caused was beyond measure and has affected one of her children especially immeasurably.