I just had to make my first safeguarding referral

[alittleshaken]

Obviously I can’t share details but I feel so upset for the poor child and family, and feel filled with guilt even though we’ve all agreed it was the right thing to do. It’s just not a pleasant thing to do at all

Just because you do a job where ‘safeguarding referral’ means a specific form and process, doesn’t mean that OP does.

She has referred a child/family for further attention due to concerns about the safety of the child.

Stop picking holes in her terminology and reassure her that safeguarding is everyone’s responsibility and we all do our part.

@alittleshaken we don’t get the end of the story, we don’t get to know whether we helped or made things harder. We have to have confidence that we acted from the best of motives, and any resulting actions will be based on a tapestry of information that we have contributed a few threads to.

You played your part. That’s all we can do.

Fuck me dead.

I just wanted a little bit of support because I was a bit shaken by it, which anyone would be in this position.

Typical fucking Mumsnet.

Were you shaken by the action of making the notification or by what you saw the parent do / impact on the child?
I can fully understand the latter but not the former.

The entire situation. I’ve had a really, really wank few months with a lot of health things impacting my life and I feel so low, that this has just compounded on all of it.

I think that's a natural response that any empathetic human would have.

Fingers crossed that everyone gets the support that they need, and the LO has a good outcome.

So...they need help? Which a safeguarding referral will hopefully get? What do you think a safeguarding referral IS?

Exactly. Some of the people picking holes in here would put people right off reporting something.

I reported something- and even though I totally knew it was correct, it was still horrible. Horrible for the child, horrible to go in and report what I saw, horrible to know he had no-one really looking out for him. You did the right thing OP.

Think of it as getting the family the support they need.

The referrer doesn't need to make a distinction on referral as to what kind or level of referral it is, that's not their concern. Any referral is a safeguarding referral.

Some people on this thread deal with this day in day out and as a result have switched off fairly normal human emotions.

It is totally normal to worry, feel shaken, wonder if you did the right thing.

But you did. You haven’t marched across and removed the children on your own say so, you have added information into a safeguarding process. That is always- always- the best thing to do.

I think there’s probably lots of reasons it could feel like a complex and sad thing to do, no? Doing the right thing doesn’t mean it’s easy. Often the reverse. I imagine that the OP just needed a place to say that and receive empathy.

You're saying a lot of things as if you know what you're talking about but level 2/3 is early help, not child in need. That's level 4.

OP came here for empathy, not to have her confidence chipped away at!

I’m aware of that (or hopeful, at the very least), but it’s still unsettling. Thinking of a young child in a bad situation, knowing that something awful could happen now. It’s just not a pleasant experience.

I’m sure the OP knows all that. She needs empathy.

This is exactly it. Even though it’s the right thing it’s not an easy thing.

Only read OP's post - Jesus.....she didn't ask whether she'd followed the right procedure or ask any questions. She's just had to do something difficult involving a child and is feeling upset about it and wants a bit of support.

I'm sorry you've had to do this OP. Maybe allow yourself to dwell on it for a certain period of time, then let it go. It's in someone else's hands now.

Agreed. The OP doesn’t need advice (particularly the pointed, faux-naive snarky kind!) just somebody to say they understand that it’s often a sad, complex and hard thing to do.

Some people are weird.

OP, I totally get where you're coming from. You've identified a child who is at risk from one thing or another which is upsetting as it is and then you've had to navigate a system you're entirely unfamiliar with to get the child the help they need, knowing that you're unlikely to know what the outcome of it all is. Its draining and takes an emotional toll. I can only imagine that those who claim not to understand either have no imagination or are so desensitised to it all they've forgotten that not everyone sees the need they do each day.

I also think it's weird to be getting so caught up in the language you've used. Mercifully, I've also never had to raise the alarm for a child in any capacity though, due to my work, I would know how to and who to call. If probably also use the term "referral" even if it wasn't a formal/official referral. What else would a lay person call it? We use the words we hear others use. There isn't a standard and accepted term for a member of the public who calls in a concern to MASH/LADO.

I had to give details to an agency for a MASH referral (not as part of my job) and I still felt bad/guilty about even though I knew it was the right thing to do - I was worried about the repercussions to the child. I come across safeguardings all the time at work (also admin) but it felt different having to personally give details even for a mash referral even though I see colleagues do it day in and day out.

When something happens outside your usual bubble it can take you aback for a minute and that is ok.

Op it doesn’t matter right now if you don’t know the exact terminology of what you did (but maybe speak to your LM at some point just so you are clear) but just know that you did something that needed doing even though you found it hard.

This. We'll never know how many much worse situations could have happened (and I know there are still truly terrible events and tragedies) because they were prevented by people like you following procedures and referring in concerns that they have spotted. It's called safeguarding because we're doing exactly that, guarding a child and trying to keep them safe.

Well you're talking as if you know what you're on about and are, in fact incorrect.
There are 4 levels with 4 being the highest level ie safeguarding.

This is exactly how I feel. I know it’s the right thing to do but I also feel guilty for some unknown reason.

Why don't you start your own thread to show off how knowledgeable and emotionless you are about safeguarding?

I know, I was trying to ascertain why the OP is feeling as distressed and crap as they are. The situation may not be as bad as they perceive ie child is on need of support as opposed to safeguarding and what that word can mean to a child and the outcomes.
I was hoping if it was just a bit of support the family needed ie food bank or some parenting support that OP wouldn't be feeling so bad as to if it's a child in a really risky situation.