I just had to make my first safeguarding referral

[alittleshaken]

Obviously I can’t share details but I feel so upset for the poor child and family, and feel filled with guilt even though we’ve all agreed it was the right thing to do. It’s just not a pleasant thing to do at all

I felt guilt too. Still do! You probably feel guilty because you are a regular person who generally assumes the best and tends to think someone is just having a rough time, or something got misconstrued etc so it’s very hard to be faced with something that goes against you seeking the best in people.

Make use of your LM and have a chat with her/him about the whole process and how you feel. A decent LM will listen and advise.

That's understandable..it feels like 'another thing ' to add to your mental load. Be kind to yourself.
As I've written i was trying to see if you needed to feel as 'bad' about the situation as you do. If child is an open case you weren't the one whose info is going to lead to a knock on the door...you're adding to a situation already known and hopefully being managed.
Do speak to your supervisor for support on Monday.

OP I'm sorry you're getting a hard time. You've done a good thing and your emotions are completely valid.

Years ago I was working with my DCs Headteacher in a different capacity and had to raise something DC had told me about another student. I felt really anxious to mention it, what if I or my DC was wrong or had misunderstood. It felt like "telling tales". But also what if it was right, the poor child...

Ok, thanks for the feedback. If you read on, you will see how I was trying to work out the facts of the situation to help OP feel this wasn't her opening this huge bag of crap...it was already known
Ie not her worry to have.

Dealing with safeguarding, particularly involving children is incredibly hard, even if you know your intervention can make a positive impact on the youngsters.
Is there anyone you can talk to at work to support you through this and your emotions, as it's clearly hit you hard and you must be supported with this.
If there's no-one immediately obvious, at least talk to your manager.

Dear @alittleshaken , I did something yesterday which in my eyes put someone in a shit situation in an ever shitter situation. BUT - it was the right thing to do. There is a child involved which makes it worse in my guilt but could be really important to make a difference for that child in a positive way. The situation was bad but could have been worse. For that reason we had to do what we did.
I will never know the details and don't need to. All I need to remember is that I did my job. I just hope those involved get some help now.
Please don't dwell on the referral. Just remember safeguarding is EVERYONES business. If in doubt make the report.

I’ve had someone make a safeguarding referral for my children as if said something that they felt meant my children were at risk.

speaking from the other side you’ve done the right thing. How would you feel if you hadn’t done the referral and something happened to that child? I think you’d feel far more guilty if that child comes to harm and you’d done nothing.

in my case (not that this is about me 🙄) social services spoke to my children’s schools, and spoke to me and decided that there was no action needed. I was kept informed all along the way and understanding if that the referrer had to do what they did.

Put it this way op - 35 years ago I disclosed something to my teacher and with current guidelines an emergency safeguarding referral should have been put in. Nothing was done and it didn’t end well. Thank goodness these days it is done mostly so whilst you feel guilty (not that you should) you have done something no matter how hard it was, that was outside your normal working role and you have never done before.

Ah OP, this is a horrible situation to be in. Some pedants on here are being pretty mean too which isn't helping!

I've been in your shoes and it's such a conflicted feeling. You know you've done the absolute right and necessary thing but you still feel bad for being the person who gets the ball rolling.

The first time I did it, the family knew it was me (unavoidable due the nature of the situation) and I was horrified when the dad of the two little girls approached me 6 months later in a public place. Turned out he wanted to thank me for what I did. He and his kids were in a much better place (though the girls were still in foster care) and their mum (who was the risk factor in their situation) was getting the help she needed too.

How did you make the referral op? To whom? You could let others know who may have concerns about children but don’t know what to do

Crikey some people are thirsty for blood today!

You 100% did the right thing OP. The worst thing to do would have been to ignore your concern. You reported the concern to the appropriate staff member and you then followed their instruction. That is all you needed to do.

As a new teacher many years ago, I remember making my first safeguarding report to the DSL. It was awful but it was the right thing to do. We were (and still are) trained to not question or wonder or sleep on it, you just report it. Someone further up the chain with more knowledge of the child/family or someone instructed to investigate the report will deal with it.

Goodness me - and people wonder why these things don't get reported when the reaction from people can be as I've read here - it's hardly surprising!

Can’t speak for the op but I spoke to National Domestic Abuse helpline and NSPCC and both said they would be putting in a mash referral based on the info I gave them - so they would contact SS and police.

This sounds tough, OP, and it’s natural to have a range of feelings about this but you’ve done the right thing.

I called our paeds team who gave me a number for safeguarding

What industry are you in? Most workplaces don’t have a paeds team, as I’m sure you’re aware.

It's fine op. I don't know why everyone's having a go. It just looks like dick swinging to me

You've don't the right thing. You're job was to note the issue and flag the issue. What happens next is down to others and you shouldn't feel any guilt

Stop pushing op for details. She shouldn't and hopefully won't share any more details

If you don't have a paeds team then you can google safeguarding + your local authority for the number instead.

I won’t be. I really don’t get why people are being so horrible

If you have concerns for the welfare of a child / family or indeed an adult you should always share it.

Googling your area plus social care or concern for a child will give you the local details. If you believe a child is in danger or significant risk of imminent harm call 999.

Your council website will have the relevant information and out of hours numbers and who to report to.

Always pass on concerns with no guilt, it isn’t for you to assess or act, just to inform.

You're just incorrect.
level one is universal service.
levels 2 and 3 are early help.
level 4 is statutory social work intervention at child in need level.
level 5 is child protection/significant harm.

@alittleshaken I dobt know why you are getting such a hard time here. It can be upsetting/emotional even traumatising to deal with this sort of thing. I completely understand your need to share and hope for a bit of support

Take comfort in knowing you have dobe the right thing and this family and child will get the support they need. Take care. 💐

There is currently a thread in parenting from a mum wanting to know where to get support - although she specifically said not SS (probably due to stigma) maybe some of you on here could pop there and offer her some advice? She is struggling and needs some support with keeping on top of the house and getting dc to school on time .

Sorry mn if this isn’t the done thing - but wouldn’t it be fab if somebody could signpost her who knows more about this stuff than the average person?

Ok - this reads snarky and I honestly do not mean it to. Just thought it would be good if people in the know about different levels of support on offer could offer her advice

Well done and congrats OP. You’ve done a difficult thing. I’m horrified you are getting stick here from some MNers- you followed the correct process and did absolutely the right thing.
I hope you can now put it to one side and not worry. Leave the worry and the guilt to those with the actual legal responsibility for being in charge of SG in your organisation. They get paid a hefty salary to have the worries that are currently plaguing you… I would not do their job for anything…

And they are best placed to advise you on the process, not a bunch of strangers on MN!

As for feeling guilty- that’s a hard one. Maybe something about “telling” even though you know it’s right? You have nothing to be guilty about. Be proud.

I've made a fair few in my time, and it's one of those things where you need to have really good boundaries not to be affected by it.

If it helps, I've always found that any action taken as a result has been the right action imo, and it's worth bearing in mind that it's better to raise a safeguarding that results in no action than not to raise one and have a child left in an unsafe or abusive situation.

It's also worth discussing how you feel about this with your line manager at your next supervision. If they're half decent, they will empathise with how it's affected you and support you with that.