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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is your family is snobby when it comes to homemade dishes

487 replies

Calgator · 12/12/2025 11:31

My in laws are very snobby when it comes to homemade food.

When I say snobby they wouldn’t judge a single mum relying on something pre made for example but when it comes to the stuff they eat they massively favour homemade stuff. I just find it amusing tbh! They all get VERY excited when someone brings over homemade bread and desserts. Wanting to know what recipe/method you chose. All birthday cakes are homemade. I swear a cake from Tesco would sit completely unopened in the fridge.

There is one vegetarian family member and my sister in law is going to make an entire veggie wellington just for him. I suggested just getting something from M&S and she completely baulked at the very idea. Tbf everyone is a good cook.

It definitely stems from MIL. Who grows her own food, makes chutneys etc. They would never dream of shoving in an Indian selection from Waitrose as starters like my family doesx

I just find it fascinating tbh.

Anyone else have family like this? Even croissants are homemade!

OP posts:
weisatted · 14/12/2025 10:53

The worst bit about the OP for me is that her in laws were planning to make something lovely to include a vegetarian family member and she was trying to talk them out of it "oh they don't really matter, they can have something ready made"

Like it's one thing if you can't be arsed to be inclusive and hospitable but it's something else to try and talk other people out of it

Mydadsbirthday · 14/12/2025 11:42

Jellycatspyjamas · 14/12/2025 10:10

I think I know what you mean. I love cooking and am a really good baker. My family and my in laws all cook really well and take pride in providing very nice food for guests.

My DC are adopted and came to us after some years in foster care where birthdays were celebrated with a shop bought cake. The foster carers didn’t cook from scratch and certainly weren’t for baking cakes. So my two came to me thinking a cake comes out of a box. My DDs birthday fell around the time of a family gathering and my lovely in laws invited me to bring a birthday cake to sing happy birthday. Instead of making one, I bought a supermarket cake because for my DD part of the excitement of her birthday was going to choose a cake. When I got to my in laws I could feel the judgement - it wasn’t the time or place to explain why I’d bought one and frankly as a new mum to a 4 year old and 6 year old I had neither time nor inclination.

It’s still referred to as “the time Jelly brought a plastic cake”.

Many years down the line my kids bake with me and would rather I cooked than buy anything. I love my in laws but will always remember the judgement and lack of thought and consideration at that time. It was both snobby and ignorant and certainly influenced my view of them.

With respect, this is quite a different situation and your ILs were probably confused given you're a good baker and it was your DD's first birthday with you.

To the OP - think you're displaying some weird reverse snobbery tbh. YABU.

99bottlesofkombucha · 14/12/2025 12:54

There’s only one insecure person I see on this thread ‘a compulsive desire for home made food’ really? It’s human nature to seek pleasure and what’s more satisfying than quality home made food? Especially cakes and breads and biscuits. I can only dream of making all of our bread, but if I did my kids would be over the moon.

Jellycatspyjamas · 14/12/2025 13:36

Mydadsbirthday · 14/12/2025 11:42

With respect, this is quite a different situation and your ILs were probably confused given you're a good baker and it was your DD's first birthday with you.

To the OP - think you're displaying some weird reverse snobbery tbh. YABU.

Show quote history

It was a very particular set of circumstances but rather than ask, they judged. Even when they knew the reasons they still made reference to Jelly’s plastic cake.

There’s finding pleasure and enjoyment in home cooked food, and there’s a value judgement against people who for whatever reason make a different choice. I think the latter is what the OP is talking about.

It’s funny though, a thread where everyone extols the virtue of home cooked, juxtaposed with another thread extolling the virtues of Waitrose ready made. Someone’s buying the UPF laden offerings.

RenatasHouse · 14/12/2025 14:14

Jellycatspyjamas · 14/12/2025 13:36

It was a very particular set of circumstances but rather than ask, they judged. Even when they knew the reasons they still made reference to Jelly’s plastic cake.

There’s finding pleasure and enjoyment in home cooked food, and there’s a value judgement against people who for whatever reason make a different choice. I think the latter is what the OP is talking about.

It’s funny though, a thread where everyone extols the virtue of home cooked, juxtaposed with another thread extolling the virtues of Waitrose ready made. Someone’s buying the UPF laden offerings.

Show quote history

Guess it's marginally better than Deliveroo?

bryceQ · 14/12/2025 14:16

I have a family a bit like this, always had homemade cake. It just wouldn’t cross my mum’s head to buy a cake as it tastes no where near as nice…. Though we wouldn’t have homemade croissants!

Gwenhwyfar · 14/12/2025 17:15

weisatted · 13/12/2025 09:37

Absolutely - it is a totally reasonable way to cook frozen peas. Great use of a microwave.

Ovens are quite commonly on a wall?

Have you never seen one like this?

https://simplybetterliving.sharpusa.com/simply-better-you/is-a-double-wall-oven-worth-it/

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No, never seen that. Ovens I've seen have always been part of a cooker/stove unless a stand alone mini oven or something. How the other half live...

Gwenhwyfar · 14/12/2025 17:17

" You were being lazy and rude! I would have preferred you hadn’t bothered."

What??!!
You really don't see a problem with that attitude?

Gwenhwyfar · 14/12/2025 17:19

"Who would eat those over home made food?"

Me, sometimes. And obviously millions of other people.

Gwenhwyfar · 14/12/2025 17:21

bostonchamps · 13/12/2025 12:41

Once you realise the flavour you’re tasting is synthetic additives and added salt, and not actual food, they taste gross.

Show quote history

Then it's not the actual taste you don't like, is it? You're making yourself dislike them because you know they're (quite often, but not always) not very healthy.

Gwenhwyfar · 14/12/2025 17:23

"Where on earth do you get the idea it's snobby to make your own food, makes no sense to me"

They're not snobby because they make their own food. They're snobby because they look down on OP bringing something pre-made and make her feel bad about it!

Gwenhwyfar · 14/12/2025 17:26

QuirkyMoose · 13/12/2025 21:52

It's funny, in my family we make everything from scratch and it's not because we're snobby, it's just because we're poor and we can make meals stretch a lot further when we are frugal and cautious home cooks. Whereas purchasing pre-made / store made / ready made food is a lot more expensive. I wouldn't say that we would be preferring something that was store made but to us it would be a bit of a novelty and we would enjoy it, although we enjoy our homemade food as well, we are grateful regardless of where or who made it

Yes, you're not snobs, but plenty of people on this thread are.

Gwenhwyfar · 14/12/2025 17:27

Crikeyalmighty · 14/12/2025 00:26

I do think there is a lot of truth in this- in theory I love home made-in practice i can honestly say via various in laws and friends the quality can be ‘mixed’ - my fILs partner (RIP) used to comment on her home made famous xyz- All bloody horrible in my opinion - not a patch on M&S or Waitrose - so I really don’t think we should fetishise ‘home made’ - I’ve also seen people bringing in to work stuff that’s no doubt from home made leftovers and looks and smells exceedingly unappeatising .

Edited
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I agree.
I remember home made cakes from relatives and while I will always remember those things fondly because they were made with love - they weren't better than shop bought!

Gwenhwyfar · 14/12/2025 17:29

"for the vegetarian at Christmas I made a homemade pumpkin Gorgonzola and pine nut tart, froze it and took it to Europe with me for family Christmas at sils"

When was this? Because if it was after Brexit you were breaking the law taking home made food with dairy in it to the EU.

Gwenhwyfar · 14/12/2025 17:31

BunnyLake · 14/12/2025 10:46

Home made croissants is impressive. They’re quite the faff. I made home made crumpets once, never again.

I do though, make home made bread.

Edited

Every time though? You never eat shop bought? You never get a sandwich when out and about?

YouOKHun · 14/12/2025 17:48

Having a different opinion and priorities is not snobbery. Unless what you mean is you believe you’re being judged for having a different approach or turning up with a Turkey Twizzler banquet as a contribution to a family occasion!? That may be all in your own head @Calgator. I married into a foodie family who bang on about food and cooking all the time and I’m not the slightest bit interested but that’s OK, we are all different. My late MiL would have treated a “shop bought” cake like radio active waste but that’s not superiority, it’s just a different approach and opinion (and more Battenberg E number filled cake for me if they don’t want it).

BunnyLake · 14/12/2025 17:54

Gwenhwyfar · 14/12/2025 17:31

Every time though? You never eat shop bought? You never get a sandwich when out and about?

Show quote history

90% of the time I make my own bread. I live alone now so don’t need to have it available every day. I eat shop bought sandwiches if I’m hungry and need to eat on the go (not sure why you thought I didn’t 😁).

Gwenhwyfar · 14/12/2025 18:27

BunnyLake · 14/12/2025 17:54

90% of the time I make my own bread. I live alone now so don’t need to have it available every day. I eat shop bought sandwiches if I’m hungry and need to eat on the go (not sure why you thought I didn’t 😁).

Edited
Show quote history

Right. So you also eat UPF sometimes so you can agree with OP that there's no need to look down on people who don't cook everything from scratch.

Gwenhwyfar · 14/12/2025 18:28

"That may be all in your own head"

It's not in her head. They told her!

YouOKHun · 14/12/2025 18:45

@Gwenhwyfar told her what though? Surely them being “snobby” is an inference drawn by OP unless they’ve told her they are better than her because they knit their own lentils (I may have missed this in the OP!).

Catsbreakfast · 14/12/2025 19:04

Calgator · 12/12/2025 11:39

I just think there are some things where shop bought is just as nice - spinach and artichoke dip as an example. I have no idea why my ILs would bother!

because heavily processed stuff isn’t as nice?

Gwenhwyfar · 14/12/2025 19:14

YouOKHun · 14/12/2025 18:45

@Gwenhwyfar told her what though? Surely them being “snobby” is an inference drawn by OP unless they’ve told her they are better than her because they knit their own lentils (I may have missed this in the OP!).

"I suggested just getting something from M&S and she completely baulked at the very idea."

Pollymollydolly · 14/12/2025 22:51

Gwenhwyfar · 14/12/2025 18:27

Right. So you also eat UPF sometimes so you can agree with OP that there's no need to look down on people who don't cook everything from scratch.

Show quote history

You’re completely missing the point that it’s OP looking down on her in laws for cooking from scratch, not vice versa. The OP even specifically said her in laws wouldn’t look down on others who use pre made.
Why do you think it’s ok for the OP to laugh at and look down on her in laws for doing things differently to her?

99bottlesofkombucha · 14/12/2025 23:01

Gwenhwyfar · 14/12/2025 17:29

"for the vegetarian at Christmas I made a homemade pumpkin Gorgonzola and pine nut tart, froze it and took it to Europe with me for family Christmas at sils"

When was this? Because if it was after Brexit you were breaking the law taking home made food with dairy in it to the EU.

It wasn’t, but thank you. Of course if it had been I should immediately attempt to report myself now you’ve educated me.

BunnyLake · 14/12/2025 23:27

Gwenhwyfar · 14/12/2025 18:27

Right. So you also eat UPF sometimes so you can agree with OP that there's no need to look down on people who don't cook everything from scratch.

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What are you on about?

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