What very specific things do you value in a relationship?

[Corane]

I mean beyond good communication, considerate, physical attraction etc.

I was talking about this with a friend today. And I tried explaining how I really value being in a relationship where we can talk about even the smallest, silliest things and both get completely into it. Like asking 'how do they get the soup inside soup dumplings?' and even if neither of us knows, we’ll just dive into the conversation. It’s not about having a serious or correct answer but about enjoying the moment of being curious.

We might laugh, go off on tangents etc.

That shared lightness and curiosity is something I really appreciate.

I have a know it all BIL who always just wants to show off that he knows the answer and almost shut down the conversation cause it’s so trivial/silly. And it really annoys me. He and my sister sit in silence half the time.

What about you?

Looks. Only joking I'm not that shallow.

Money.

Trust and zero jealousy.

I know its not whimsical but I can't even tell you how freeing it was to look nice without being questioned ("who are you dressing up for?") and to have male friends that I could text and go to lunch with, who my husband is actually pleasant and warm to, rather than sulking and angry.

I can just say, ""I'm meeting Steve for lunch next week" and all I hear back is "cool, have fun."

It was so life changing.

I appreciate someone I can sit in silence with. Early on in relationships I've had lots of that light hearted non stop talking but since having children I really, really appreciate someone I can just sit in silence with.

Yes, this
In my previous relationship I had to work up to stuff for weeks
eg a colleague's leaving drinks would take multiple mentions of "oh Steve has resigned so there'll be drinks next month"
A week later "Steve's drinks will be on x date"
Then "Steve's leaving drinks are next week"

If I didn't do all that then I'd "obviously" be having an affair and making up an excuse why I'd be home late.

These days I say "I'm meeting Jill on Thurs" and that's that

Being able to speak in our own weird way.

I don't even know how to explain it, but I'll try.

For example, sometimes we'll change letters in words to other letters. So instead of "please", it's "pleabe". Sometimes we completely drop letters from words. So instead of us saying "you make me really happy", we'll say "you make me really hap".

There's a stupid video on YouTube called "Yee dinosaur" or something like that, so our "yes" became "yee" and our "yee" became "E". So if my partner asks if I'm okay, I'll just respond with "E". He does the same. "E" just means "yes".

Also being able to stim vocally without any judgement. Sometimes I'll make random noises, or I'll randomly start singing, or I'll sing theme songs from TV shows or adverts. Whether I'm happy, overstimulated, sad or angry. And he doesn't judge me for it and will often join in

Sense of humour

Kind

Someone who asks me if I’m warm enough.
Or if my tea has enough sugar in
Or if I want the last ice cream

Thoughtful
Kind
Sense of humour.

That he has my back. Anytime I’ve needed some support, he is right there. He’s always on my side.

Almost everyone else in my life, subtly tears me down a bit, I didn’t really notice that until I’d had several years of living with someone who cares about me and wants the best for me and I can’t believe how bloody lucky I am.

Someone who will make me a cup of tea without me asking. Just because they actually care.

Consideration. Somebody who actually has me at the forefront of their mind instead of me having to constantly ask.

He makes me a cup of ovaltine every night and makes my bed up for me so there’s no loose sheets or anything. We also have little kisses every time we pass each other in the house. It’s just nice, easy and kind

Definitely how you are looked after when ill. DH is absolutely brilliant. I broke my humerus earlier this year & he absolutely stepped up - I was so grateful.
Sense of humour - I don’t think I ever laughed as much in any other relationship. DH is hilarious! We’re like a couple of kids!
You don’t need grand gestures but the little things are important. DH will bring home my favourite chocolate bar just because. He texts to say Hi or leaves a voicemail. I get a cuppa in bed most mornings.

This is … kind of random
what does dinosaur have to do with the letter e?

🤣

Cleverness allied to benignity.

Somone who I can completely be myself with, who gets me without me having to explain myself, feeling seen.

😂

Oh, and I like a man who’s good at crosswords.

👏👏👏👏👏

Being Clean and tidy but not “groomed or Styled”.

Chivalry (opening doors etc).

Good with kids.

Not tight.

Kindness, fun and laughing, a non smoker and drinker.

He’s a good man. A really good man. And he’s so funny. I’ve always struggled with men who don’t make me laugh. He’s quick witted. He can really take someone down a peg or two if needed, but he does it in a way that makes everyone laugh. Nothing is ever too boring for him. He’s perfectly happy to flop on the sofa watching Agatha Christie on a Sunday afternoon if that’s what I want to do, but he also never turns his nose up at doing something because it’s out of his comfort zone. He’s got a natural curiosity. And he likes me to be me, rather than an extension of him. That was a novelty. And he’s exceptionally good at darts and pool. His friends can’t beat him and it makes me quite proud.

😂😂😂

That we just fit.