What very specific things do you value in a relationship?

[Corane]

I mean beyond good communication, considerate, physical attraction etc.

I was talking about this with a friend today. And I tried explaining how I really value being in a relationship where we can talk about even the smallest, silliest things and both get completely into it. Like asking 'how do they get the soup inside soup dumplings?' and even if neither of us knows, we’ll just dive into the conversation. It’s not about having a serious or correct answer but about enjoying the moment of being curious.

We might laugh, go off on tangents etc.

That shared lightness and curiosity is something I really appreciate.

I have a know it all BIL who always just wants to show off that he knows the answer and almost shut down the conversation cause it’s so trivial/silly. And it really annoys me. He and my sister sit in silence half the time.

What about you?

My husband and I can lay in bed for hours. Not sex necessarily. Just cuddling and whispering, gossiping, giggling. We never get bored. We could stay there all day. All the time. We are twenty odd years in. And never ever bored of just holding one another in bed. Any stolen time to lie with ea j other is taken.

I cannot bear a liar. So I would say ‘honesty’ above all else.

DH brings me tea in bed every morning. He’s nursed me through many illnesses and accidents over the years without ever complaining that I’m a burden. He’s looked after several of my family members when they’ve needed it. He’s able to fix things. From the second our daughter was born he’s adored her and been totally hands on. He looked after her when I had bad PND and struggled to. More than anything though he knows absolutely everything about me and my issues from a previous relationship and has never judged me, just always supported me.

Similar approach to conflict resolution
Mutual interest in people watching
Ability to let things go

It's how our own personal way of talking has evolved.

😂😂😂

Tolerance, intelligence, kindness and generosity.

Ability to spell. I am not a snob or a pedant but if I have to live with you, I don't want to spend the whole time fighting the urge to attack your shopping lists and birthday cards with a red pen.

Safety.

never not once, has my husband ever made me feel uncomfortable or scared or uncertain of what he may do. I have always been safe, felt comfortable and been able to say or express myself without concern.

he will be there whenever i need him, even if not always how i wish or immediately- but he is devoted and always has been. When the chips are down he has always shown up.

Really knowing someone. Like when DH buys me prawn crackers when I have a migraine.. he knows I need something easy to eat, and salty (dehydration).

Someone with a matching sense of humour.

The things I value have changed 180 degrees in the past ten years. I used to want darkly brooding, charismatic, intellectual showboaters who wanted everyone to be wowed by them. Or social extroverts who thrived on being the centre of everyone’s world.

As I got older I realised people like this are driven only be their own insecurities and cannot deprioritise their own need to be loved and pandered to.

Now its:

• reliability
• kindness
• ability to be honest and direct
• lack of selfishness

Kindness, doesn’t need to be big things but being on my side, looking out for me and wanting the best for me. My ex and I separated a couple of years ago due to particular pressures at the time. Since then he’s consistently been kind, even when he’s been really hurt. We’re getting back together in the new year.

Just as well you found each other because this would drive me nuts. It sounds very childish.

Okay 🤷🏻

Ooh, handbags!

Joking apart, I was really enjoying that thread with all its tender moments until that Tower at Midnight came along and sneered.

Didn't you know? Fun and a bit of silliness with your significant other are banned on Mumsnet. You're also not allowed to enjoy your birthday if you're over 18, drink more than a thimble full of champagne on special occasions lest you be accused of having a problem with alcohol, or buy gifts for adults. Hope this helps you make more sensible posts in future! 🙃

Trust, reliability, generosity of spirit (and purse), ability to admit they are wrong now and then!

Reliability and the ability to just get on with stuff

Example. A month ago we sat down with calendar to plan December as different things on with work, visiting my family etc. Also on there was when we'd plan to get the tree.

This was yesterday. Thursday he was off and I was WFH. Thursday, with no prompting he went into the attic, gets down all the Christmas decorations and has them ready to go.

I know this is really small but having someone who sticks to what you've agreed and just helps make life easier is worth a lot.

I get this. DH and I are Scottish but will randomly start speaking to each other in (very bad) Yorkshire accents and use words like “graidley” and “reet”. I know the accents are bad as we have friends from Yorkshire who’ve pointed that out. I don’t know why we do this but it works for us.

You sound such fun!

You can’t drink in case you have to drive to A&E!!!!

He finds my craziness endearing.

He is responsible for warming my ice-cold feet.

How to say you're jealous without saying it...

I completely get this.

DH and I, for a reason neither of us can remember, will say 'goodnight' when we wake up and 'hey, morning' at night.