What very specific things do you value in a relationship?

[Corane]

I mean beyond good communication, considerate, physical attraction etc.

I was talking about this with a friend today. And I tried explaining how I really value being in a relationship where we can talk about even the smallest, silliest things and both get completely into it. Like asking 'how do they get the soup inside soup dumplings?' and even if neither of us knows, we’ll just dive into the conversation. It’s not about having a serious or correct answer but about enjoying the moment of being curious.

We might laugh, go off on tangents etc.

That shared lightness and curiosity is something I really appreciate.

I have a know it all BIL who always just wants to show off that he knows the answer and almost shut down the conversation cause it’s so trivial/silly. And it really annoys me. He and my sister sit in silence half the time.

What about you?

I'm from Yorkshire and this would crack me up 😂

Darn it, you're right! I should have known that. Thank you for the heads up for next time I want to be happy. I must remember to be miserable forever more! 😂

When I first met my DH and he found out my favourite films were the Mighty Ducks Trilogy (I know I’m so cool) he watched them that next weekend so he knew what I was on about. Still to this day he goes out of his way to show interest and understand things that I like (I do the same for him) and I love that. I like the fact we both have our own interests but also respect and like to be involved in what the other likes. It makes a massive difference from if I think about my ex who wouldn’t even come and see a film with me if it wasn’t something he was interested in.

I absolutely understand this, and your relationship sounds lovely: relaxed and fun!

We’ll ask “are you hunger?”, “were you alarm?”, “did that do you a frustrate?” and I don’t even know how it started. If one of us accidentally says partial song lyrics in conversation, the other will immediately continue the song (badly, despite both of us being able to sing). My username was inspired by us regularly tossing items (like the TV remote) at each other while shouting “I found THAT in Rowan Morrison’s grave!” in a terrible attempt at a Scottish accent.
We also have a specific voice/accent/personality for the (utterly adored) cat and use it to speak on her behalf - she’s chronically online, very dramatic, a compulsive liar, and, as she gets all of her information from YouTube and TikTok, everything she thinks she knows is wrong.

We’re very much adults, both responsible/sensible where it matters, and both secure enough in that to be able to have silly fun. Personally I can’t imagine anything worse than being with somebody so concerned about appearing ‘sensible’ that they lost the ability to play!

Mutual respect. Honesty. Integrity. Reliability. Humility.

Someone who is easy to be with, i.e. with whom we can just sit quietly without "pressure" to talk all the time, someone with whom conversation flows easily without effort, someone who isn't obsessed with themselves/always talking about themselves, someone whose not argumentative for the sake of it, etc.

Basically, all in all, someone who doesn't cause me any stress, anxiety, etc.

Reliability. Knowing I can ask him to do anything at any time, and he would do his very best to do it, even if he doesn’t always fully understand why and what for! He completely has my back in that regard, and trusts me that it’s something I need. Add no drama to that too.

Honestly this comment (and others like yours) make me so happy 🥰

The ability to be vulnerable. I was damaged when I met him- the last man I loved killed himself. He has always been completely accepting of the fact this will always be with me and hugs me and looks after me on those occasions it still overwhelms me. He is also extremely in tune with my moods and often knows me better than I know myself. Also very affectionate, will kiss my neck, wrap his arms around me, kiss me and grab my hand etc when walking past on a daily basis.

Remembering stupid lines from our favourite movies and TV shows and quoting them at each other randomly.

Singing in the car, because I find it weird that there's people who don't sing along to the radio.

Getting absorbed into the things each other is interested in - e.g. DH went through a phase of watching Deadliest Catch and I got OBSESSED. He always asks what's going on in my romance novels.

Very random! But each to their own.
very very much their own…!

If people don't get it, then that's fine. But he is the first person I've ever felt comfortable with, and he doesn't care that it's "random"

He makes me coffee every morning and warms my side of the bed up every night.
We have adventures and share a love of the outdoors.
Theres no jealousy and I don’t have to ask to go out or worry about his reaction- we both enjoy being free.
His moods are stable, he doesn’t sulk and we can talk about anything and everything.
He shows me he wants me and I feel sexy, confident and happy because of him.

Me too

🥰😘

I value a man who will get out of bed to fill my water up when I have forgotten.

Being able to make jokes about really terrible things. I can joke about things with my DP that I wouldn’t even be able to say to anyone else.

Curiosity about everything and a willingness to dive down a rabbit hole with me to find out an answer to the weirdest, most trivial, obscure questions.

Takes great pleasure in some really small, mundane things,

Ability to make incredibly niche references / observations about past popular culture that hardly anyone but us would get.

Filthy in bed.

@GarlicBreadStan@ItsAHare I completely identify with both your posts! An old friend of mine called the weird way that he could slip into a sort of private language of odd jokes / words / phrases with his partner ‘the lexicon of love’ and that’s absolutely what it is.

And “I found THAT in Rowan Morrison’s grave!” has made me properly LOL. Coincidentally, whenever DP and I are having a jokey dispute or teasing each other about something, one of us will inevitably shake their fist in a comical manner and say “Killing me won’t bring back your apples”.

On the subject of silliness, DP will also often amuse me by, if passing through the living room when I’m on the sofa, suddenly affecting an exaggerated trot in imitation of an Olympic dressage horse. It will never fail to make me laugh.