To think that doing something nice stops being nice when you post about it

[Augustandeverythingafter1]

When a person does something nice for a stranger, that's lovely and more people should.

But AIBU in thinking that if you make a big deal telling people about it, then it cancels out the "nice" and just becomes about the person doing it wanting everyone to tell them how wonderful they are?

Recent instances:

• someone left a Christmas card and £10 on an ambulance for the paramedics to have a coffee. Took a photo, then went running to the paper telling everyone how wonderful they were.
• someone on FB paid for a bag of carrots for the lady in front of them in the queue. Then went on to post about how wonderful they were.
• gofundme at work. Most of the doners are anonymous but a couple of people have put their names and a message about how much live to help people and how they donate to x every year and do y all the time.

Just do something nice and quietly like the happy glory feeling you get.

The one that gets me is "As usual I will not be sending Christmas Cards this year but will instead make a donation to xxxx charity. So you can't be bothered with buying, writing and delivering cards but want everyone to know what a nice person you are.

No. The action itself doesnt stop being a nice thing to do. Money doesnt suddenly lose its value to zero when you donate to a gofundme and then tell everyone about it. The gofundme still benefits. All it means is, the person wants attention for it.

I am not sure there is ever a truly altruistic act because even if you told noone, you might still feel smug or glad inside and so therefore you have done it to make yourself feel better/superior. Essentially, your motive here isnt 100% pure or noble either.

I saw this recently with a screenshot of said donation, but with the amount blanked out. So we don’t actually know just how much of a good person she is! It could have been 50p 😂

But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth

I was at the supermarket the other day and there was an old lady in from of me in the queue and her card got declined. She only had a few basic bits which came to £26. She got really upset, it was heartbreaking. She had no other means to pay so I stepped in to help. It took a while to put all her shopping back on the shelves but it felt good to help her out.

I didn't feel the need to brag about it it on Facebook.

You"re right, but not selling yourself enough is also bad for you. There's a balance to be had.

YANBU that is doing a good deed for the wrong reasons IMO.

Yes. There are no ‘pure’ emotions, for good or ill.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

🤣

@didntlikeanyofthesuggestions Hahaha

😂😂😂😂

You should, angels like you need to be recognised.

It's a regular MN phenomenon. They invent a "friend" who said they shouldn't have helped a stranger because xyz so they can post an AIBU about what they did.

There used to be a vein of AIBU post along the lines of, "I saw someone obviously distressed and down on their luck. I gave them £40000 anonymously and the coat off my back (Boden, I cut out the tags so they wouldn't feel self conscious). My friend said I was too generous. Was I BU?"

It was annoying AF, but there was still a chorus of people going "there should be more people like you".

Yes, but only if you think the Bible is an authority on how you should run your life.

Snap!

I remember a thread where OP had performed CPR on a neighbour who had collapsed and was taken to hospital.
She was asking if she was BU to want a thanks and check in from the person she helped.

I remember that one - she got her arse handed to her 🤣 didnt quite go as she had hoped

yes and no

Sometimes people only do it to bring attention to a cause and try to get their friends and people to donate too.

There are so many charities, you try to make them more personal and help them out.

People who put photos of glass box full of drinks during the heatwave were mainly trying to remind people they could do it too for postmen and delivery men, more than anything else. Like leaving bowl of water on your drive for passing dogs.

I don't disagree about wannabee "influencers" who just advertise themselves.

I was at the doctors once and this man came in wanting information about a woman he'd found and helped, who'd then gone to hospital.

He spent 30 minutes abusing the receptionist, who was obviously unable to give him confidential information!

I donate to charity instead of sending Christmas cards every year. I do it in honour of my mum - I donate to a cancer charity that is the cancer she died of. And I say that in the post.

I post about it because I want to remember my mum to my friends - I won’t get to see her at Christmas and I can’t send her a card and it’s a way of keeping her memory alive. Somehow it’s harder at this time of year and there’s so much she’s missed and yet it seems like yesterday all at the same time.

im not doing it for performance.

I am glad she stood her ground. He is not privy to that info, and the receptionist would not have been either.

There was a thread on my local FB group where a mum posted about her teenage boy who had stopped and chatted to a woman in distress who was hovering over a bridge, about to jump. He stayed with her until emergency services arrived.
The post was saying how proud she was of her son, but the main point was she wanted the woman to get in touch and say how she was. A few people pointed out that she may have been sectioned and wont be looking on social media. But no, her boy was owed that information as he had saved her, and he had a right to know. It was upsetting to read as I have been that woman on the bridge too.

Do you reflexively do the opposite of whatever it says the Bible then? Bit weird.

I am not sure there is ever a truly altruistic act because even if you told noone, you might still feel smug or glad inside and so therefore you have done it to make yourself feel better/superior. Essentially, your motive here isnt 100% pure or noble either.

Very depressing. Then why does the term altruism even exist if you are saying there is no such thing as a selfless task?