To think that doing something nice stops being nice when you post about it

[Augustandeverythingafter1]

When a person does something nice for a stranger, that's lovely and more people should.

But AIBU in thinking that if you make a big deal telling people about it, then it cancels out the "nice" and just becomes about the person doing it wanting everyone to tell them how wonderful they are?

Recent instances:

• someone left a Christmas card and £10 on an ambulance for the paramedics to have a coffee. Took a photo, then went running to the paper telling everyone how wonderful they were.
• someone on FB paid for a bag of carrots for the lady in front of them in the queue. Then went on to post about how wonderful they were.
• gofundme at work. Most of the doners are anonymous but a couple of people have put their names and a message about how much live to help people and how they donate to x every year and do y all the time.

Just do something nice and quietly like the happy glory feeling you get.

What's wrong with that?

Yup! That’s the one that gets me.

It’s like when people assign themselves positive personality traits. They are often hilariously wrong too. It’s actually not for you to decide if you are kind / funny / thoughtful - others get to decide that!

I read that as someone just explaining that they wont be sending cards. Some people still like to send them, and expect them too.

Those reels on Instagram where they film homeless people looking in bins or something then and then buy them a burger. Just buy them the burger no need to film it. I also saw one who took a homeless guy out got his hair cut and bought him some clothes and made him look really tidy but again why film it and set it to nice music just do it and the poor bloke is still going to be homeless tonight but you've got loads of likes on your YouTube channel

Totally get where you are coming from. It's always made me feel uneasy

100%

Empathy for others is a nice trait to have.
Do your good deed if you can then go on your way.
No FB etc
Job done.

I follow a few YouTubers who have accounts set up to generate funds to do ‘good works’. Mostly in the US where the safety net seems very fragile. Yes it can seem exploitative but they also raise a LOT of money which they couldn’t do if they didn’t film the interactions.
Maybe it’s all fake! I’m a bit more cynical than I used to be.

😂😂

I've got a friend like that - she's a decent person, but she craves attention all the time. Every single act of kindness is posted about on FB, which makes me think she only does those things for the glory.

It’s still nice but I think the value decreases when the motivation is to show off and brag.

The carrots thing is funny. Must be the cheapest food!

Yep, I used to be friend with someone like that. After I went through a very rough patch with my mental health, she very kindly made me a care package full of nice things. It was very sweet of her, and I thanked her a lot. Then she posted a picture of it and tagged me on FB, also detailing what had been wrong with me.

We are not friends anymore.

One meeeeeellion percent. I absolutely hate this. Any time someone defines their own traits in glowing terms, I instantly know they are the opposite of what they are proclaiming to be.

@XenoBitch No wonder whatever your circumstances were at the time should've remained private along with the gift giving.
Shallower than a puddle.

People always say thing, but I suppose it's better than saying nothing and having everyone worry they've upset you and been crossed off your Christmas card list.

No-one ever dies anything purely out of the kindness of their heart. There is always something in it for us. It might be as simple as the warm feeling of making someone else happy, but there's always a reason.

Disagree that this is boasting, more likely that the money spent on Xmas cards will make a real difference to the chosen charity

Stamps too. They cost so much now.

Amount isn't relevant
The person made a donation
If it was £100 she would be criticised for bragging

I disagree that the "warm fuzzy feeling" you get from helping someone means the act is no longer altruistic.

I've helped friends in a crisis and when they asked a big favour my first thought was not "Oh goodness! This will make me feel so good about myself! Absolutely I'll do it!"

No. My first thought was "Oh goodness. What an awful thing to happen. They must be so broken right now." I would have done just about anything they asked because I cared about them and their wellbeing.

The pride in being able to able was just a happy by-product. I suppose you're wired to feel it because if you didn't, you wouldn't want to contribute to the wellbeing of your species. But that doesn't mean the first or only reason you help is because you want to feel smug.

(I didn't post anything on social media about helping my friends either)

I want be sending Christmas cards this year. Have you seen the ruddy price of stamps? 😅😅

😂

Well done you 👏👏😂

Totally agree. I always think of people like George Michael who consistently did amazing things but privately, he didn’t want anyone to know. I think a person is only a truly decent person if they’re willing to help without expecting any glory for doing so. He was a great man.