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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

More about school absence - what is lawful?

108 replies

Interpink · 10/12/2025 23:19

I’ve had my arse handed to me over the attendance of my children as according to school records it’s nearing 80%. They have said that without GP letters they won’t authorise any further absences. Both of my children have had minor surgery and then follow up appointments and as the hospital that they’re under are nowhere near school, if the appointment is in the middle of the day they’re missing a whole day, which whilst not ideal is unavoidable.

The tone of the emails has been awful, and I’ve replied saying I’m committed to their attendance and education. But frankly I’m losing patience - why does it even matter how they choose to record it? I’d much rather they were in school but I also won’t send them if they’re genuinely unwell, or drop them in for one hour and then have to go back and pick up again to get to an orthodontist appointment 30 miles away etc.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Interpink · 11/12/2025 11:20

You’ve hit the nail on the head - sending evidence to prove I’m not lying. 🙄

Why would I lie in the first bloody place? I have nothing to gain at all by them being absent and if I’ve emailed in saying “X won’t be in for 48 hours as he vomited twice in the night” I don’t think I should have to send a fecking letter from a GP.

OP posts:
SJM1988 · 11/12/2025 11:40

The letter and emails are probably a process thing. The school need to be seen to be doing everything they can to address it. 80% equates to 1 day off a week which seems alot. Have they had any meeting with you to go over it?
I'd ask for a record of what they have as absent so far this year. Cross reference with what appointment they were at. If they are all legitimate, just ignore them or at a push send them a breakdown of what and why.

It's all about being in for morning and afternoon registration. Where possible make sure they are there for those even if you are just taking them out half an hour later.

Our school policy is below 95% you get an email, below 90% you get a meeting, below 85% you have to start submitting evidence for absences. We also get termly reminders of what is and isn't acceptable for an absence.

Tiswa · 11/12/2025 12:09

@Interpink I have had this discussion a couple of times with different people and at different schools (DS has had an interesting journey so far!)

Basically they said to me all attendance is scruntised (and this started years ago that scrutiny has only worsen) and they basically get asked about why pupil whose attendance is below a certain level. If there is evidence and proper notes attached to the file (and every pupil has a file with everything attached it is much easier)

mommatoone · 11/12/2025 12:11

Interpink · 10/12/2025 23:57

That’s a good point. The emails are coming from an “admin” email address but are signed “Mrs. Jones” or “Miss Smith” but the teacher’s own email addresses are not in the distribution. (And Mrs. Jones would never just sign off as “Mrs Jones” because she’s not an ignoramus and has signed everything previously “Jane Jones, Head of Year”)

I think this might be an overzealous attendance clerk. But in any case, they can’t ask for a bloody GP letter for all future absences can they?

Army DDs school ANY absence without a doctors note goes down as unauthorised. It's an absolute piss take

Peridoteage · 11/12/2025 12:34

To get to 80% for a term youve got to have missed 24 sessions (eg one term is 12 weeks, 5 days per week, 2 sessions a day).

It's a hell of a lot of absence? I say that as a parent of a child with health issues whos had two surgeries in the last 2 years and is under 3 different consultants. Usually medical appointments/surgeries etc are coded differently to being off ill. How much of the absence is just them being kept home with coughs & colds etc?

SENlife · 11/12/2025 13:13

One of mine has a low attendance at times below 80% it's unavoidable, for him it's following the school policy that makes it worse. They enforce a 48 hour absence period so he frequently misses 2+ days every 3-6 weeks, then when other children get sent in unwell because their parents are scared of low attendance he misses more time because he reacts severely to many illnesses. That's not including appointments, if you get a paeds Appointment there's no changing it to a convenient time they are like rocking horse shit you take what you can!

Snorlaxo · 11/12/2025 13:21

My son was in a similar situation with much lower attendance. I got all the letters as they are automatically sent but as I was cooperative with school and talked to them in person, I didn’t feel victimized.

I had meetings with the school to explain that things wouldn’t change until he was top of the NHS waiting lists and the GP wasn’t going to call school
or see ds each time he couldn’t attend school. Basically I told them that there was nothing I could do unless they were able to get ds to the top of the list.

You have to play the attendance game if it bothers you. For example if the orthodontist appointment is at 10:30am, send ds to school to get him marked on the register then take him home. For attendance data purposes, it counts as being at school all morning. If you can get him back to school before afternoon register then for the purposes of the data, your ds was at school all day.

If only we could pick appointments lol.

Agiantspidey · 11/12/2025 13:30

They are in year 10 and year 11?

these are important years and to have 80% attendance is a bit pants really

Thechaseison71 · 11/12/2025 13:39

ACynicalDad · 11/12/2025 07:54

Did they get straight 9’s? It absolutely will have affected them.

Who says anyone would get straight 9s even if they attend 100%

Thechaseison71 · 11/12/2025 13:46

Barrenfieldoffucks · 11/12/2025 08:26

Agreed. I have had 2 kids go through the orthodontist, and they go every 6 weeks. At one appointment, they arrange the next, I ask for early-ish morning and late-ish afternoon...so I can take them and then drop them back after, or collect early. If that isn't possible on the exact 6 week day so be it. I would not let them miss a whole day for an appointment, that's bonkers! Do you at least ensure they're keeping up with their work at home? I'm guessing not.

One of the above kids also has about 5 or 6 days off a year for sporting events, and has still never got down close to 80%. That's an average of a day a week off school.

What are you doing to mitigate the impact this will have on their education? And why are you so surprised the school are 🙄🤔

And if all the parents ask for early morning or late afternoon appointments how are they going to fit them all in?

Tiswa · 11/12/2025 13:51

Thechaseison71 · 11/12/2025 13:39

Who says anyone would get straight 9s even if they attend 100%

Yes quite! The ability to be able to achieve straight 9s is so small very few achieve it

Laserwho · 11/12/2025 14:10

Agiantspidey · 11/12/2025 13:30

They are in year 10 and year 11?

these are important years and to have 80% attendance is a bit pants really

Oh, so should op just cancel hospital appointments then? You are unbelievable.

SleepingStandingUp · 11/12/2025 14:14

just send in the letters? hospital stays will have discharge letters, hospital spots have texts / emails or letters. I just send in copies of my child's and if we're gonna miss a registration mark i explain which hospital it's at.

are you pulling them both for each others spots?

SleepingStandingUp · 11/12/2025 14:16

Agiantspidey · 11/12/2025 13:30

They are in year 10 and year 11?

these are important years and to have 80% attendance is a bit pants really

you know what's even more pants? being a kid in and out of hospital all the time. being prodded and poked and I'll when all your mates are living healthy lives. missing fun things because you're in hospital, again.

they're not ill for shits and giggles.

Agiantspidey · 11/12/2025 14:19

Laserwho · 11/12/2025 14:10

Oh, so should op just cancel hospital appointments then? You are unbelievable.

3 children, 15, 15 and 16.

All of them have 80% attendance due to orthadentist apps and hospital visits?

Interpink · 11/12/2025 15:09

Agiantspidey · 11/12/2025 14:19

3 children, 15, 15 and 16.

All of them have 80% attendance due to orthadentist apps and hospital visits?

No eldest has 100% attendance up until he was knocked sideways by a chest infection last week. Twins have both had a succession of dental/orthodental and a both had a bit of minor surgery - minor in as much as under local, but still v unpleasant, and done in hospital, plus follow ups.

OP posts:
Interpink · 11/12/2025 15:12

Fact is though as a single parent, if their appointments come through together then they both go to each other’s slots because otherwise there’s no way of managing it. I begged the specialist to see both on the same day (not dental) and they were booked in for 11:30 and 1:30. They were the only slots so it meant that both came to each other’s appointments. It’s a pain in the hole but logistics are tricky.

OP posts:
Sterlingrose · 11/12/2025 17:18

Barrenfieldoffucks · 11/12/2025 11:04

It's also about the message you are sending your children. At the moment, you're showing them that school is fair game to be missed if something else makes it a little inconvenient.

Or that it's right to put your health first.

gruffaloaddict · 11/12/2025 17:32

Remember that these systems are in place because a percentage of parents DO lie to the schools, and for safeguarding purposes schools have attendance officers.
I would rather have to prove hospital appointments etc and have a system that catches some (not all!) neglectful families and supports them/informs relevant authorities, than have nothing in place.
Attendance to school and lessons is vital if you don’t want your child falling behind. Illness etc is totally understandable - but get them into school wherever possible, before, after appointments etc otherwise it’s going to be unauthorised and that’s totally fair enough.
I’m not saying the systems are perfect, but since COVID the percentage of students who are ‘lost’ from schools is frightening. EBSA (emotional based school avoidance) is huge. There are also some parents who play the system. I’m sure you’ve all read the worst cases of this in the media… it happens and we need to try any system we can to help improve things.

4crackers · 11/12/2025 18:14

Interpink · 11/12/2025 15:09

No eldest has 100% attendance up until he was knocked sideways by a chest infection last week. Twins have both had a succession of dental/orthodental and a both had a bit of minor surgery - minor in as much as under local, but still v unpleasant, and done in hospital, plus follow ups.

all three kids go to same school
and looks like one has perfect attendance despite a few days (so 96% or thereabouts?)

And then the other two both have 80.% or just one?

ACynicalDad · 11/12/2025 19:57

Thechaseison71 · 11/12/2025 13:39

Who says anyone would get straight 9s even if they attend 100%

They said it wasn’t affecting, I’d say it almost certainly is and there is room for improvement.

Tiswa · 11/12/2025 20:02

ACynicalDad · 11/12/2025 19:57

They said it wasn’t affecting, I’d say it almost certainly is and there is room for improvement.

Mmm I suspect you are a parent who has never had to cope with anything under 95% over the course of a year correct?

ACynicalDad · 11/12/2025 20:08

Tiswa · 11/12/2025 20:02

Mmm I suspect you are a parent who has never had to cope with anything under 95% over the course of a year correct?

If my kids are absent i send in the medical paperwork. So they have very little that’s unauthorised.

Ohfear688754 · 11/12/2025 20:13

I am one of the people who sends these letters, though I am an actual welfare officer rather than admin.

There is a huge drive on attendance and not that it helps you, but the phenomenal pressure myself and my colleagues are under to “get attendance up” is horrendous. I’m scrutinised over why I haven’t sent letters, why I haven’t met people, why I’m not pushing for Court week in and week out.
Our data can be pulled by Ofsted and I need to be able to explain my actions.

A lot of these letters are just standard, it’s not you personally, your child along with many others have fallen below a line and tbh I wouldn’t have time to check the reasoning for every child’s absence, you’d just get a letter, then a meeting.

80% is quite low however, and they wouldn’t expect you to take a whole day for appointments

CurlyhairedAssassin · 11/12/2025 20:34

Medical appointments are still classed as an absence if they're not there to get their register mark. You'll have your appointment letters, or screenshots of appointment reminders so just send those in and then the mark will be M for medical appointment, which are authorised.

You will still get attendance letters when you hit a certain percentage. Below 90% is persistent absence. Even if they're ALL medical appointments, they are still absences, they are just authorised absences, and so will bring your kid's overall percentage attendance down, and if this goes on all year they will be classed as a persistent absentee all year, which is not good. Not many kids fall into that category by the end of the year usually. Most have a run of bad luck with illness or appointments etc during one short period of the year earlier on, then their percentage attendance will gradually go up as they attend every day from then on.

Illnesses also count towards your child's absence figures, but it is authorised absence. If your child is a "persistent absentee" then they will be discussing them at regular attendance meetings because they'll be on the radar, and they'll be looking closely at the reason for the absences. It is in your interest to try to provide evidence for both medical appointments and illnesses, as then when it comes to discussing how they will manage your child's attendance, they will not be able to fine you or refer you to EWO, and it will be clear that you have fulfilled your duty as a parent to comply with their attendance policy by submitting the evidence of the appointments.

As it's on the radar, though, they might call you to ask you if it's possible to arrange the appointments at different times so that it isn't impacting the whole day. Both my children had millions of orthodontist appointments and they were a royal pain in the arse, both for me and my work, and for them and their education. But it is what it is. I tried get afternoon or early morning appointments so they only missed the end of the day, or once they were in sixth form during free periods. Schools will expect that you do your utmost to make sure your child can attend for as much of the school day as possible on a day they have an orthodontist appointment, exactly the same as an adult would be expected to return to work after a similar appointment. It's not on to take a full day off for one appointment, especially if there are going to be many of them. You need to plan for a way around this going forward.

Schools have a duty to inform parents when their child's attendance is low. They NEED to send out those letters so you as a parent are aware that it may be having an effect on their attainment and progress. Imagine if your child wasn't doing well in, say, biology, etc and you tried to blame poor teaching, or worse, your child, for not trying hard enough. The school can look and see that they always miss biology lessons because they're at the orthodontist.

Just work with the school. They are trying to do the best for your child and they want parents fully informed, and to work with them, for your child. Hence the letters with the percentage absence figures. It will probably help if you call them, and rather than be all defensive and snotty with them, say that you're worried they have a low attendance level, and ask what they suggest you do about the orthodontist thing. You'll need to have phoned the orthodontist first and explained to them that it's impacting their education and request first or last clinic appointments at least some of the time so you can tell school you've done your best to arrange better timings.

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