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Original poster

IVF worries and pregnant sis in law

52 replies

Discoprincess6 · 10/12/2025 21:03

Need to vent.

Im 39 and starting IVF soon. My sister in law doesn’t approve of my undergoing IVF, she doesn’t think we’ve been trying long enough (18 months), as her friend was turned down and had to go overseas (now pregnant.)

She has made digs and comments to me that are not obvious to anyone else, at best my other sis in law has said the comments are insensitive towards me.

She recently made a comment about the higher risk of stillbirth with IVF babies. I suffer from mental health issues and anxiety, so this comment has increased my stress significantly.

She recently announced that she was 4 weeks pregnant. Our group chat is incessant with baby talk 24/7. Baby names, pregnancy issues. I can’t escape it.

i tried talking to my MIL but she has said I need to move on from her comment. But I can’t as I know the comment was made to hurt me. All of the other digs and comments have been to upset me too.

just don’t know how to move on

OP posts:
SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 10/12/2025 21:05

She sounds unhinged.
I'd give her a VERY wide berth - mute all socials and WA groups and minimise contact l
Let your dh filter them and tell you any facts you need to know.

There is lots of "wimmin" chat here... where is your husband in all this..?
After all... it is his arsehole sister

ToKittyornottoKitty · 10/12/2025 21:06
  1. leave the group chat
  2. stop talking to her
  3. focus on yourself, you need to be in a decent head space for IVF, dwelling on this isn’t helping anyone, and it isn’t hurting your SIL either, it’s just wasting your energy.
ChristmasinBrighton · 10/12/2025 21:08

Yes, leave the group chat and avoid her as much as possible.

Bimblebombles · 10/12/2025 21:11

I would keep your cards close to your chest with IVF and the whole process. Don't give her specific dates of when its happening, be vague, go off grid a bit while its all going on. It is a time consuming and stressful process to go through and the last thing you need is negativity from anyone around you whilst its going on. Mute the group chat, find calm activities to do, surround yourself with people who love you and support you. Try not to read too much about IVF / risks etc. Woman go into pregnancy (of any kind) accepting the risk. When we become pregnant its known that we risk our health, our body and our mental health in order to have a child. There is no 100% risk free pregnancy. The only person's advice you should be taking on risk is your Consultant's. Wish you all the very best and I hope it works well for you.

Original poster
Discoprincess6 · 10/12/2025 21:13

thanks guys. It’s not his sister, it’s his brothers wife. She already has a little girl who is 5 and is now pregnant with their 2nd.

my own sisters and best friend are very angry on my behalf as they know my mental health history and anxiety. They think my partners family are very docile and gloss over horrible behaviour.

my partner has said leave the chats. But I can’t without looking jealous or bitter that I’m not pregnant. He’s also said to move on from it.

i can’t as every time I open my phone im greeted with baby talk.

OP posts:
LookingOutToSee · 10/12/2025 21:15

This sounds horrible. I’d mute the chat, so you don’t see it constantly but also aren’t leaving it. Good luck with your ivf

outerspacepotato · 10/12/2025 21:16

Is she a reproductive specialist?

She doesn't know better than your own docs.

Leave the chats. Avoid her, she's toxic. Be not just the grey rock, 🪨, be the black hole.

Original poster
Discoprincess6 · 10/12/2025 21:19

I just keep thinking she’s wishing it on me. And even though I’m not pregnant I know it sounds weird, but I’m protective of my baby and I feel like she’s wishing harm on it. I know he or she don’t exist yet but I can’t get my head round why someone would say something so horrible.

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 10/12/2025 21:19

Discoprincess6 · 10/12/2025 21:13

thanks guys. It’s not his sister, it’s his brothers wife. She already has a little girl who is 5 and is now pregnant with their 2nd.

my own sisters and best friend are very angry on my behalf as they know my mental health history and anxiety. They think my partners family are very docile and gloss over horrible behaviour.

my partner has said leave the chats. But I can’t without looking jealous or bitter that I’m not pregnant. He’s also said to move on from it.

i can’t as every time I open my phone im greeted with baby talk.

Then mute the chat. But it’s silly to stay in a chat that’s worsening your mental health just to keep up appearances, especially when they all know you are upset anyway. Put yourself first, not other people’s opinions.

Mulledjuice · 10/12/2025 21:19

Mute and archive the group chat.

Give her a wide berth at social events and dont get drawn into conversations about pregnancy. Focus on looking after your mind and body and enjoying what's great about not being a parent/pregnant while you still can!

Wowsersbrowsers · 10/12/2025 21:22

She sounds like a right twerp. Mute, archive, distance.

Beerlzebub · 10/12/2025 21:24

Discoprincess6 · 10/12/2025 21:19

I just keep thinking she’s wishing it on me. And even though I’m not pregnant I know it sounds weird, but I’m protective of my baby and I feel like she’s wishing harm on it. I know he or she don’t exist yet but I can’t get my head round why someone would say something so horrible.

OP, you need some proper help. Have you considered counselling?

She's just a mardy cow. It shouldn't be affecting you this deeply.

There's clearly more going on here than just her comments. You are wrapping up all your worries in to her and what she said.

Makingadecision · 10/12/2025 21:24

Mute the chat if you don’t want to leave it.
Stop overthinking her behaviour: just allow yourself to think ‘I just don’t know why she said that’ rather than try and think of a negative interpretation and don’t give her any more headspace
Smile and wave, smile and wave
Meanwhile focus on you and your IVF journey and staying well and positive
Spend as little time thinking about her or seeing her as you can

Beerlzebub · 10/12/2025 21:26

Who is the Admin of the chat. You can now leave Whatsapp chats without it being announced in the chat. Only the Admin/s will know.

Allswellthatendswelll · 10/12/2025 21:27

She sounds ghastly! You can archive the chat if you don't want to leave.

JeannieJo · 10/12/2025 21:27

It’s got nothing to do with your SIL and she should keep her opinions to herself. Don’t let her bother you (easier said than done, I know). As others have said, wide berth, silence the group chats and ignore, ignore, ignore! Good luck with the IVF ❤️

SpicyMargarita1 · 10/12/2025 21:27
  1. Leave the group chat.
  2. Focus on your IVF.
  3. Remember that most stillbirths are caused by going over your due date, so keep in mind you can ask for an induction once you are due.
Talkingfrog · 10/12/2025 21:29

I agree with others that have said to try and distance yourself from her/them.

If you don't want to be seen to leave the group then mute it.

Depending on what other social media etc you are going on, make a new years resolution to reduce social media/phone/group chat etc. Make that known to them so they don't think anything of you not commeting in the group. Doesn't stop you still interacting with those that support you.

Focus on you and the supportive family and friends you have. Try and let your DH filter out some of the negative noise if you need to interact with them.

There are a number of people that have IVF in their late 30s. I was nearly 37 when we started. Our 5 day hatching blastocyst is now a teenager.

theonlygirl · 10/12/2025 21:29

Your SIL sounds plain nasty.
Reduce your interaction with her as much as possible, both in person and online. Mute the group chat. Safeguard your mental health yourself, no one else is going to, least of all your MIL, stop discussing stuff with her. You are absolutely entitled to do IVF. Good luck.

Vaxtable · 10/12/2025 21:30

Mute the chat or if you can’t stop looking at it, let your husband update you in stuff as he won’t tell you the crap shes talking

focus on your IVF journey, and if you ar worried speak to that team, not your sil

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 10/12/2025 21:30

Discoprincess6 · 10/12/2025 21:13

thanks guys. It’s not his sister, it’s his brothers wife. She already has a little girl who is 5 and is now pregnant with their 2nd.

my own sisters and best friend are very angry on my behalf as they know my mental health history and anxiety. They think my partners family are very docile and gloss over horrible behaviour.

my partner has said leave the chats. But I can’t without looking jealous or bitter that I’m not pregnant. He’s also said to move on from it.

i can’t as every time I open my phone im greeted with baby talk.

You can mute or archive them
Does the same thing but no one can see you've left the building 😅

Original poster
Discoprincess6 · 10/12/2025 21:34

Thanks guys. I didn’t know archive would do that. I’ll do that. My other SIL is the admin for the chat. There are only the 4 of us in it. One of the other SIL doesn’t participate at all. So if I left it would be noticed as just 3 out the 4 chat daily in it. I’m going to archive it.

OP posts:
Elektra1 · 10/12/2025 21:35

She sounds horrible and deliberately unkind, so I would ignore her entirely. If it makes you feel better, I had my youngest child via IVF when I was nearly 43 (ancient in pregnancy terms) and although the pregnancy was a little bit more difficult than my earlier ones, baby was absolutely fine and healthy and is now a thriving 6 year old.

MrsPositivity1 · 10/12/2025 21:38

You can now leave a what’s app group and only the admin knows

MrsPositivity1 · 10/12/2025 21:39

This is a new feature

IVF worries and pregnant sis in law
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