IVF worries and pregnant sis in law

[Discoprincess6]

Need to vent.

Im 39 and starting IVF soon. My sister in law doesn’t approve of my undergoing IVF, she doesn’t think we’ve been trying long enough (18 months), as her friend was turned down and had to go overseas (now pregnant.)

She has made digs and comments to me that are not obvious to anyone else, at best my other sis in law has said the comments are insensitive towards me.

She recently made a comment about the higher risk of stillbirth with IVF babies. I suffer from mental health issues and anxiety, so this comment has increased my stress significantly.

She recently announced that she was 4 weeks pregnant. Our group chat is incessant with baby talk 24/7. Baby names, pregnancy issues. I can’t escape it.

i tried talking to my MIL but she has said I need to move on from her comment. But I can’t as I know the comment was made to hurt me. All of the other digs and comments have been to upset me too.

just don’t know how to move on

I just couldn’t keep contact with someone like her when going through ivf . I think I’d leave the group chat. Why is she announcing at 4 weeks anyway ? Period is barely late at that stage. She sounds like an abnormally bitter , jealous and nasty person to be honest.

Thank you! Will do that now

She is.

Definitely mute the chat and disengage from her nonsense, IVF is stressful enough without someone actively dripping poison in your ear and deliberately upsetting you.

Personally I would be keeping important IVF dates like egg collection and transfer dates very quiet so that the details don't get back to her. Unfortunately when bullies are well established a lot of people tiptoe around them and say that's just what they're like.

Good luck with your treatment!

I think you'll look back in a few years and feel bewildered that you didn't leave the chat straight away. I love my husband's family, but I left one of their WhatsApp chat groups once - and everything was fine! Who cares what anyone thinks or says about your reasons for leaving?

I had a stillbirth and neonatal death at 33 [twins] 2 years ago. I wasn't ivf. It can happen in all types of pregnancy assisted and not assisted sadly, and Ive since have had a healthy baby and pregnant again currently. She is talking out of her arse. Losing a baby never mind two is heartbreaking, it's changed our lives and unless she has a backstory she shouldnt be frightening you.

Listen to others here, and mute her. She is not an expert in this. Best of luck

She sounds horrible.

Where did she get her medical qualifications from? Google or a spot prize?

Mute her. You can do without that shit in your life.

I think muting is good.

Your other sil has the right idea saying get FA on the chat 😅😅😅

Leave mil and sil to their shit chat.
Hopefully it'll die a death and they'll just message each other directly.

if mil says anything my response would be approx along the lines of "Barbara you cannot be serious? SILs behaviour has been outrageous. I am not going to be clap happy on a group chat when shes beem so awful to me. You wouldn't if she treated you like this either so i have no clue why you are expecting me to put up with it"

I’m so sorry for your losses. I hope everything goes smoothly in your current pregnancy. Can’t imagine the anxiety and stress. When are you due? Wishing you lots of good thoughts.

no she’s not experienced anything like that. She’s just a poisonous person.

Honestly their whole family are very docile and gloss over any ill treatment. It annoys crap out of me. They put pressure on me to agree with them and just be walked all over.

Next early Summer all going well. Do your best to mute this sil. Focus on your journey, ivf is no joke. I've not experienced with it, but I know it's very full on mentally and physically from people I know.

When my babies passed, I got all sorts of comments that floored me, I eventually realised that was on the people who made them, not me and it was always people who had not faced what Dh and I did. It might be no harm addressing the fears you have too with someone. Its understandable to be nervous but if its eating at you, absolutely deal with it. So much luck to you going forward xx

Good luck with your IVF.

I became pregnant at 39 after 18 months of trying and just before IVF. I'm sharing that so you know it can still happen naturally to. My second was conceived almost immediately.

I understand your reasoning for doing IVF and I was planning on doing the same.

It is going to be a tough journey and so you need to be supported. It's perfectly okay to step away from the group saying you find the baby talk hard, despite being happy for your SIL. You will need really good boundaries.

Her nastiness is hers to keep for life. If she says something hurtful perhaps tell her?

Good luck

My IVF babies are now 28 and 29. I got to my due date and wasn’t keen to be induced. One of the team took the time to give me information about the increased risk of IVF and with that information opted to be induced. Doctors know how to minimise the risks and will help you. Trust them.
I wish you and your husband all the luck in the world. I would grey rock your vile SIL.

I wouldn't tell them anything more. If your husband feels he needs the support of his family, he should only talk to those who can be trusted not to blab to her (and the same for you, obviously if some of them are nice and caring, then of course talk with them).
I was amazed about how family/friends thought they had the right to tell me how to try for a baby/behave during pregnancy/to give birth/feed etc, but what she's doing is far worse, because surely any adult understands that your situation must be hard.

Everything will go well. You’ve been through utter heartbreak, you deserve every happiness.

i think I will speak to someone.

I tried to be honest but she just said I thought you would have looked the risks up. So I’ve been hardly communicating since. Did the whole congratulations thing after the scan. She’s now 9 weeks.

also I can’t be bothered with any aggro should I upset her as she’s pregnant etc. she’s very tall and imposing as well. I wouldn’t like to get a slap off her, shes got a nasty temper and is hostile/argumentative.

You deserve to be happy and well. There is no stigma to talking to someone to ensure you are feeling as best as you can. I've learnt how to take those negative comments people can make and place them outside of my "care zone" it's transforming because I am definitely someone who takes things to heart

Mute it. My bet is she doesn't want you pregnant so that you don't take the attention away from her pregnancy. Plenty of IVF babies are healthy by the way.

Leave / mute the chat, and avoid any interaction with her. She's being very cruel. I've never heard that statistic about IVF babies, I doubt it is true. It's only your decision to start IVF, no-one else's business. You should be getting your advice and facts from the clinic, not a random family member! Maybe consider some counselling for yourself, IVF can be very emotionally draining so good to get some support.

Leave the chats, who cares if you look bitter. Why do you care about that? they clearly don't care about looking like twats to you.

If you feel up to it, make a comment before you leave, about why you don't want to be in the chat.

And then don't look back. Good luck

Respectfully, OP, you sound very vulnerable, suggestible, and far too bound up with what other people think. Just leave the group chat, don’t see anyone you don’t want to see, and focus on yourself. Good luck with the IVF.

Definitely leave the chat. They might think you’re jealous or bitter but that’s their own problem, and who cares what they think? They don’t care what you think.

How bloody dare she.

I went to my GP after 18 months of trying and he said we’d been trying long enough. I was 31!

I think you are being a bit unfair. You yourself are unwilling to rock the boat by leaving the group chat and I can understand MIL not wanting to get involved and risk the relationship with one of her sons.

I think you have to handle it yourself the way you think best. I think muting the chat is a good idea. And for the rest of it, you can handle it yourself and not ask others to take sides - you’ve got this!

I don't know why such personal things have to be common knowledge anyway. I'd keep something like that to myself.

Your sister in law's friend may be younger than you which is why she was turned down.

Whatever the reasons, it is nobody else's business - even though you have made it her business!

She is being a bitch and it's about time someone told her. Why she is feeling resentful on someone else's behalf is beyond me.