To not apologise to sibling

[Bearingsbear20]

It's another inheritance one!

My sibling and I had a verbal agreement that I would take DF's whole estate when he died (as I'm the only one named in his will, sibling isn't as they don't get on, they keep saying he was abusive when they were a child etc. which is stupid as he's pleasant now) and my sibling would take DM's.

DM died earlier this year somewhat unexpectedly and didn't leave any legal will. We then found a draft will naming sibling as taking the bulk of the estate and leaving me a small remainder. This tallies with what DM told me i would be left, as she phoned me up before she died and told me she was trying to 'make it fair' between us.

Initially I told sibling to sort out all the administrative stuff for DM's estate as I was about to have my first DC and was too busy to take it on. Sibling initially was communicative, let me know what was happening. Involved me in the funeral etc.

After a few weeks I told sibling I wanted 50% of mum's estate as per the law since there was no valid will and that i would buy sibling out of their share of the house. Sibling then mostly stopped talking to me, I couldn't find out what was happening with the estate etc. and we argued several times. Sibling was insisting I was doing the wrong thing for pushing for my 50% and they kept mentioning DF's will, which is unreasonable IMO and I find it sad they are talking about this before he's even passed. Sibling wanted to put DM's house up for auction and said they'd be in touch when the estate admin was sorted and would follow the intestacy rules. Then they started selling off assets e.g. the car without consulting me.

I went and got a solicitor to send a letter to my sibling as I wasn't getting any detail about the estate and they were refusing to have me buy out 50% of their share of the house. The solicitor sent a few letters and eventually now sibling has agreed I can buy out their share.

They're now not talking to me though and have refused to see me over Christmas etc. until I 'acknowledge what I've done'. I don't see that I've done anything wrong, I've just pushed for my legal inheritance, and sibling cut contact first. So AIBU?

You know what your mum wanted done with her estate. You have chosen not to follow her wishes. That is immoral. The law doesn't force you to accept 50/50 split. You could give your share to DSis. You could buy the house that you believe she was selling too cheaply, if that's what you want. You could have objected to her doing the admin, and paid for a solicitor to do it instead - maybe she was busy too, maybe her time is as valuable as yours?

I wouldn't be speaking to you or seeing you if I were in your sister's position.

The fact that DF appears to prefer you to Dsis won't help her feelings!

I was once advised to do a poo on my neighbour's porch, rather than honour any woolly verbal agreements not to. Luckily I found a draft legal document that had been written stating that I should not poo on my neighbour's porch, so I didn't.

1. You're a grown up. You can choose not to follow shit advice.
2. It's not a 'woolly verbal agreement', is it? Your mother had a draft will stating her intentions. You disrespect your mother by ignoring her wishes and you shit on your sibling by not honouring an agreement. Shame on you.

You are doing what is best for you. Doing what is best for your family would be to follow your mum's wishes and the agreement with your sibling.

I wouldn't speak to you either. I cannot abide grabbiness. It's such an ugly trait.

@LovingLimePeer, I completely agree with you.

These aren't 'woolly' verbal agreements though, are they? You were part of them, you seem to recall the detail very well, and your mother even went as far as to start enshrining the agreement in a draft will.

Your mother's intestacy is unfortunate, but its consequences are not set in stone. Since you're so keen to claim you've had advice to 'take the legal route', try seeking some advice, as others have suggested above, on drawing up a deed of variation to restore what you agreed to.

Honestly OP, it's not just that your behaviour looks and smells utterly contemptible. Even your tone in these posts is cold and unpleasant and you don't seem even slightly moved by the pages and pages of rather pointed, if valid, criticism.

But you're going against your DM's wishes. Why would you do this? Ethically speaking, it's absolutely appalling. Legally it's fine but that's not what's important here - for the record, it would also have been fine, legally, to abide by your mother's wishes.

You've moved the goalposts and are taking money away from your sibling. And now have no intention of sharing your DF's estate with them. You don't sound like a supportive sibling and your reasoning is really crappy. You are either lacking in emotional intelligence or are a horrible person. And stop talking to the rest of the family about it...it's none of their business and they probably don't want to tell you what they're really thinking.

You've made a mistake by posting on AIBU.

You should post on PVMQB.

*Please Validate My Questionable Behaviour

It is funny isn't it!

Between you?

I would be very angry with you too. She has every right not to speak to your father and you had told her you would take one parent's estate each and now you're trying to take half of her share.

I think you sound greedy and selfish. Just because you are following the intestacy rules, doesn’t mean you should and your actions are morally abhorrent in my view. I can see why your sibling is hurt as you’ve put money before your relationship and your agreement.

So you all had an agreement, that you went back on when you seen ££££ signs. And you don’t understand why they are annoyed ?. You come across money hungry and selfish

OP you are greedy, incredibly selfish, hurtful and without a conscience. Well done to your sibling for not bothering with you anymore.

So your sibling will get half of fathers estate then?
If not you are a vile, grasping, dishonest individual.

Sibling doesn’t want a relationship with you. Respect their wishes.

How much extra will you get, OP? Just wondering about the value of a sibling relationship and a word of honour these days.

Ooooh, a real life, honest to God, CF in our midst, completely oblivious that she is one, despite being told many, many times!

You were present when your father wrote the sibling out of the will? Yes I bloody bet your were. Helping the pen along......

Regardless of the legalities you had an agreement with your sibling that you’ve now back out off on what looks like a money grab!

Lets hope so.

This goes way beyond CFery. It's in the realms of pantomime villainry 🤔

Despicable.

You think you haven't done anything wrong because what you're doing is legal. But you think your sibling is doing something wrong even though their actions are also legal.

What exactly is the basis of your ethical code?

the worst part is talking to your mother about it and agreeing to it because she wanted to ensure fairness between you and your sibling.

she went to her grave believing she made things right for her children, with assurances from her daughter.

its stomach turning.

What a horrible, greedy person you are, going against your verbal agreement with your sister and more importantly, your mothers wishes.
I would never speak to you again if I was your sister, you will lose alot more than 50%. I hope karma gets you.