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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that MIL always goes to the places I go

77 replies

Deco183 · 08/12/2025 23:40

Can’t explain why I find this so irritating, but basically whenever I mention somewhere I’m going/been with DH, and it’s in front of my MIL, she then goes to that place for a visit too. Usually it’s in conversation if talking about something we’ve done recently. Means that we do, from time to time, run into her while out. The other day I mentioned a walk route that I found that’s nice and we went to and she said she must try it and go there soon. Don’t know why I find this so annoying, yet I don’t feel like I can really say anything about it. I find it bizarre.

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 08/12/2025 23:52

There is a pretty easy way to fix this…

InterestedDad37 · 08/12/2025 23:57

Tell her a complete fib, somewhere you absolutely wouldn't go.

nutbrownhare15 · 08/12/2025 23:59

If I mention I like somewhere to someone I am basically encouraging them to go. That's what you are doing. So if you don't want to bump into her just don't say that you've gone there.

Tourmalines · 09/12/2025 00:00

Well I wouldn’t say it’s bizarre, but just don’t tell her then .

SpeedwellBlue · 09/12/2025 00:00

If you tell her a walk is nice you're recommending it to her.

SixtySomething · 09/12/2025 00:02

She probably thinks you're telling her because you want her to go ....

AnotherNameChange1234567 · 09/12/2025 00:04

Tell me you don’t like your MIL without telling me you don’t like your MIL…

There is no reason for this to irritate you, it’s not affecting you in the slightest. It’s not like she is turning up on the days you go to these places, she’s going at a later date on her own.

I suspect if it was someone you liked, you would be pleased to have shared your recommendations.

CypressGrove · 09/12/2025 00:07

Can’t explain why I find this so irritating,

It's because you don't like her.

Barbaramcnairyouregonnalovemybaby · 09/12/2025 00:09

Send her to weird places to see if she takes the bait.👍

Cappie73 · 09/12/2025 00:37

Isn’t this called recommending???

DallazMajor · 09/12/2025 00:40

You what ?

ohnotthisagain2020 · 09/12/2025 00:41

In real life, an uninvited relative turning up on their outings would very definitely irritate most people.

So don't tell her any of your plans into the future, just be vague if you don't want her inserting herself into your outings.

If she goes afterwards, it's no big deal and you would be unreasonable to say otherwise.

beencaughttrollin · 09/12/2025 00:46

It seems kind of unusual that your MIL is coincidentally managing to go to these places you've told her you like at the exact same time that you go back, but if you want to keep certain places to yourself, don't talk them up to other people.

ladykale · 09/12/2025 01:02

But if you aren’t there at the same time why it is an issue??

Pistachiocake · 09/12/2025 01:08

She's showing respect for your views and recommendations. She's showing she values your opinion, and maybe that she would like to spend time with you (many women of the age she is likely to be were taught that you shouldn't ask to go with people, and not to put themselves first). Why not invite her to go with you sometimes?

nomas · 09/12/2025 04:22

Er, stop telling her things?

Why keep doing something when it has the same result every time?

NautilusLionfish · 09/12/2025 04:32

Everty time you speak ofa place, shout "jinx 123 lock" then tell her she can't go there. My kids do this when we say something at the same time

You really don't like her do you? Yet you are letting something relatively minor irritate you ensuring she lives in your head rent fre

NoisyViewer · 09/12/2025 04:55

Yeah yabu she obviously respects your opinions enough to finds the places you suggest appealing. You’re being a little harsh. I’m glad you bottle it up though.

EINSEINSNULL · 09/12/2025 05:01

Gosh YABVU, you don't own any location, and by talking about it you may well be coming across as recommending it. Poor woman, you dontlike her very much, do you?

Snorlaxo · 09/12/2025 05:02

She sees your stories as recommendations of places to go. As you’ve shoe. Good taste in the past, she wants to try more of your recommendations 🤷‍♀️

This is easy to fix. Stop telling her where you’ve been or send her to places that are shit or mediocre instead.

EINSEINSNULL · 09/12/2025 05:02

ohnotthisagain2020 · 09/12/2025 00:41

In real life, an uninvited relative turning up on their outings would very definitely irritate most people.

So don't tell her any of your plans into the future, just be vague if you don't want her inserting herself into your outings.

If she goes afterwards, it's no big deal and you would be unreasonable to say otherwise.

Edited

Is she turning up at their outings though, or going somewhere she thought OP was recommending?

Lurkingandlearning · 09/12/2025 05:04

If the next time you tell her about a place she says, “Damn, another place I can’t go to for fear of bumping into you,” then you will know she has recognised herself in your fairly revealing post.

ohnotthisagain2020 · 09/12/2025 05:16

EINSEINSNULL · 09/12/2025 05:02

Is she turning up at their outings though, or going somewhere she thought OP was recommending?

Show quote history

It seems that MIL has "bumped into them" several times when advised in advance of their planned outings. But it's unclear and OP seems to have posted and run away.

AuntyAngela · 09/12/2025 05:27

You should wax lyrical about a stint in prison you had. Then whenever she's inevitable inside herself, frame her for other crime to keep her in longer. That'll learn her.

Pinkosand · 09/12/2025 06:00

I agree it's a bit odd you keep "bumping into her" at these places. How strange. How often does this happen?

I can see why this might be a bit annoying but hard to know if your being unreasonable or not from your post as it would depend on the frequency of this happening and her character in general. I mean does she have her own life as well or does nearly her whole leisure time hinge on the places you've suggested?

I must say there's something weird about generational relationship dynamics where there's a certain level of involvement that feels like it's threatening your independence.

Of course the solution as others have said would be to not tell her where you go but can make conversation a bit harder.