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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that MIL always goes to the places I go

77 replies

Deco183 · 08/12/2025 23:40

Can’t explain why I find this so irritating, but basically whenever I mention somewhere I’m going/been with DH, and it’s in front of my MIL, she then goes to that place for a visit too. Usually it’s in conversation if talking about something we’ve done recently. Means that we do, from time to time, run into her while out. The other day I mentioned a walk route that I found that’s nice and we went to and she said she must try it and go there soon. Don’t know why I find this so annoying, yet I don’t feel like I can really say anything about it. I find it bizarre.

OP posts:
laughingnow · 09/12/2025 11:04

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Take the compliment. Don’t be so mean!

Shortbread49 · 09/12/2025 11:08

My mum is the reverse everywhere we go she finds a way to put it down so we have a nice holiday I get we went there we didn’t like it really grey and miserable place or she has a friend who went there who had an awful time ( think she invents that she doesn’t have many friends) or she just ignores the fact we have been away entirely , all designed to put you down and spoil things for you . Stopped telling her things in the end x

Kuretake · 09/12/2025 11:09

Catpiece · 09/12/2025 10:20

She’s doing it because she can’t bear to shit out. It’s jealousy x

I can't even parse this - what are you trying to say?

Sharptonguedwoman · 09/12/2025 11:49

Deco183 · 08/12/2025 23:40

Can’t explain why I find this so irritating, but basically whenever I mention somewhere I’m going/been with DH, and it’s in front of my MIL, she then goes to that place for a visit too. Usually it’s in conversation if talking about something we’ve done recently. Means that we do, from time to time, run into her while out. The other day I mentioned a walk route that I found that’s nice and we went to and she said she must try it and go there soon. Don’t know why I find this so annoying, yet I don’t feel like I can really say anything about it. I find it bizarre.

I think this poor MIL is looking for interesting places to go and maybe also to see you more.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 09/12/2025 11:50

Catpiece · 09/12/2025 10:20

She’s doing it because she can’t bear to shit out. It’s jealousy x

That doesn’t even make sense

MogsChristmasBoiledEgg · 09/12/2025 11:51

My MIL likes coming for a visit then ordering stuff that she’s seen in our house for her house and the houses of her three other children 😬

Fionasapples · 09/12/2025 11:57

If it hadn't been for my in laws doing this, I'd think YABU but I know how irritating it is! In laws are long gone but when they were still fit, if we said we were going somewhere next weekend, they'd go too, but before us, so they could say Oh we've already been! The most annoying was one time DH's grandad wanted to visit somewhere and we said we'd take him next weekend. It was going to be a trip for his birthday with lunch and a nice walk. When we got there we pointed something out and he said he'd already seen it when in laws had brought him in the week! We had told in laws we were taking him for a day out but they had to get in first and spoil it. There was always a feeling of anything you can do I can do better about it.

TheLemonLemur · 09/12/2025 12:51

So she trusts your judgement and doesn't ask to go with you? Yeah yabu

Blablibladirladada · 09/12/2025 18:10

😂😂😂😂

copying is the utmost praise op. It is annoying but that shows what she thinks of you. If you want to avoid them info diet!

my MIl used to send the details of my good plans for my children to her daughter for her children…used to do my head in’ so I just stopped saying what they will be doing, only what they did and when asked more info “I will have to have a look”…and never do it.

KnittingSister · 09/12/2025 18:12

A friend went for a guided tour round the local incinerator, (or sewage plant etc) you could try that 😁

Kuretake · 09/12/2025 18:18

my MIl used to send the details of my good plans for my children to her daughter for her children…used to do my head in

Why is this a problem though? So she thought your plans sounded nice and her other grandchildren would also like them. Why is that bad? How does it diminish your kids' fun if their cousins enjoy themselves too.

God I need a break from Mumsnet, I hate knowing how mean people are inside their heads.

CurlewKate · 09/12/2025 18:27

Blablibladirladada · 09/12/2025 18:10

😂😂😂😂

copying is the utmost praise op. It is annoying but that shows what she thinks of you. If you want to avoid them info diet!

my MIl used to send the details of my good plans for my children to her daughter for her children…used to do my head in’ so I just stopped saying what they will be doing, only what they did and when asked more info “I will have to have a look”…and never do it.

I genuinely don’t understand why that’s remotely an issue.

CurlewKate · 09/12/2025 18:33

Kuretake · 09/12/2025 18:18

my MIl used to send the details of my good plans for my children to her daughter for her children…used to do my head in

Why is this a problem though? So she thought your plans sounded nice and her other grandchildren would also like them. Why is that bad? How does it diminish your kids' fun if their cousins enjoy themselves too.

God I need a break from Mumsnet, I hate knowing how mean people are inside their heads.

I’m consoling myself with the thought that most people think the OP is being unreasonable.

Blablibladirladada · 09/12/2025 19:04

CurlewKate · 09/12/2025 18:27

I genuinely don’t understand why that’s remotely an issue.

Show quote history

Yeah, I wouldn’t mind if it was reciprocated but I never quite had any info on other good plans. Just mine was shared so yeah…pretty annoying 😂 I seemed to remember I was also supposed to book for MIL what she wanted to do like us or her daughter…when challenged about it she answered “I don’t have the time to do all this.” To which my hubby answered “she doesn’t either.”
that was the end of that…
but then again, you just can watch what you say so you are happy about what comes after!

Blablibladirladada · 09/12/2025 19:09

Kuretake · 09/12/2025 18:18

my MIl used to send the details of my good plans for my children to her daughter for her children…used to do my head in

Why is this a problem though? So she thought your plans sounded nice and her other grandchildren would also like them. Why is that bad? How does it diminish your kids' fun if their cousins enjoy themselves too.

God I need a break from Mumsnet, I hate knowing how mean people are inside their heads.

Yeah…we could probably use a break of you too 😂😂

People are different. If you can’t say something nice you are absolutely right to exit….

KitchenTrollyDolly · 09/12/2025 19:42

I told my MIL about a Film I watched and she just went right ahead and watched it that night. Raging!

SixtyPlus · 09/12/2025 20:21

InterestedDad37 · 08/12/2025 23:57

Tell her a complete fib, somewhere you absolutely wouldn't go.

Are you twelve?

CurlewKate · 09/12/2025 20:43

SixtyPlus · 09/12/2025 20:21

Are you twelve?

Show quote history

Most 12 year olds I know would not be that petty and juvenile.

Cherrysoup · 09/12/2025 20:44

Tell her you did the Fan dance up the Brecon Beacons. 🤣

Katflapkit · 09/12/2025 20:48

SpeedwellBlue · 09/12/2025 00:00

If you tell her a walk is nice you're recommending it to her.

100%. Sounds like she trusts your judgement.

NoelEdmondsHairGel · 09/12/2025 21:06

Why do you think she wants to go with you? She’s just going to places by herself that you’ve said are nice!

ohnotthisagain2020 · 09/12/2025 21:33

Anonworried · 09/12/2025 10:16

So we have a bit of this going on in our family with MIL.
And I could never properly nail why it annoyed me with her but I was ok with others visiting that top London museum/canal walk/niche shop.
Partly I think under the unpleasant snobbishness was a huge amount of insecurity. A bit of jealousy and disappointment that FIL wouldn't do stuff but her own son would but not frequently with her.
It's easier, like a pp said, when she is happier and her life is more varied. At that point it seems more like research than plagiarism.

The worst time combined her peak insecurity with us on limited funds. She'd spot a catalogue in my post and the next thing she'd order everything while I'd had to settle for a single item. I cant look at Cox or Graham & Green now.
Another favourite was her asking what my perfume was and then buying it as air freshener for her loo. That was so insulting it really changed how I felt about her relationship with my kids. 15 years on, I think I called it right, she is /was capable of a lot of damaging behaviour.

Oof. The perfume thing. What a nasty and deliberate dig.

People do show us who they are all the time, and we should believe them.

CurlewKate · 09/12/2025 21:54

Poster A “This entirely normal thing someone does really annoys me”
Poster B “Oh, you are so not being unreasonable-I’m exactly the same! This entirely different and really unkind and mean thing really annoys me too!”

TheChosenTwo · 09/12/2025 21:58

Oh my god you’d fucking hate me and my whole family and extended family 😂
if one of us finds a new place, bakery, pub for lunch, restaurant, walk, holiday location and says they went and it was good you can bet your bottom dollar at least 3 branches of the family will take themselves off to try it for themselves at the next available opportunity 😂
Cant find anything offensive in it tbh.
Sorry op, it just sounds like you don’t like her.

changeme4this · 10/12/2025 04:26

She is trying to find some common interests with you. She didn’t invade your space because you had already been..

the woman is clearly making an effort without breaching your privacy (ie she hasn’t turned up uninvited). What’s your problem with that ?