to feel i hate my 3 teenage sons

Imnotsurvivingthis · 2025-12-08T21:00:41+00:00

I can’t help but feel a lot of negativity and hatred towards my 3 teenage sons. actually one is 12,14,16 It makes me feel so sad about life. I literally feel there is nothing they do or say is nice. We constantly argue as they don’t want to do any of their responsibilities. Just want to sit on their phones, playstation and have me prepare food for them all day long. Still I feel if I was to stop nagging them one day for the sake of them not hating me, I would hate myself more. I’m really not looking forward to Christmas holidays. What I’m hoping from those who have come out the other side, tell me that this shall pass and before they leave the house, we can once again have love for each other?!

sittingonabeach · 08/12/2025 21:02

Is there a partner here.

They should be helping with food etc. Does 16yo have a job? Who pays for their phones etc?

Mischance · 08/12/2025 21:04

Goodbye phones, goodbye PlayStation, goodbye meals ......

Burningbud1981 · 08/12/2025 21:09

When did parents forget how to parent ? They are not meeting their responsibilities? The PlayStation goes in the bin. Phones are taken away. They don’t get rewards until they do as they are supposed to.

Original poster

Imnotsurvivingthis · 08/12/2025 21:10

I just don’t know how we could do this. 16 hear old is studying for gcse. no job )never had
14 year old has a job also has ADHD and so the house is even more loud when there is no option to go outside
I guess what got me is that the now 12 year old has been such a lovely boy until he joined secondary and now he has joined his brothers in being rude and not wanting to do work or anything else.
Yes their dad is around. They play a lot of football but this time of the year it’s just a reminder how addicted they are all (and probably us) to their phones.

OP posts:

Runningismyhappyplace50 · 08/12/2025 21:11

Very similar ages to my boys.

Have they always been like this but things have got worse.

in my experience 14/15 years is the worse age; my middle is this age and the trickiest at the moment- needs constant nagging and still doesn’t do anything.

older matured when they started college.

I have been known to go on strike to get things done. I have stopped running around after them as much. I was also honest with them and told them their behaviour upset and explained why.

Usually they tag team who is being the most difficult.

What have you got planned for Christmas? I think you need to pick your battles, they should come out the other side.

Burningbud1981 · 08/12/2025 21:11

Imnotsurvivingthis · 08/12/2025 21:10

I just don’t know how we could do this. 16 hear old is studying for gcse. no job )never had
14 year old has a job also has ADHD and so the house is even more loud when there is no option to go outside
I guess what got me is that the now 12 year old has been such a lovely boy until he joined secondary and now he has joined his brothers in being rude and not wanting to do work or anything else.
Yes their dad is around. They play a lot of football but this time of the year it’s just a reminder how addicted they are all (and probably us) to their phones.

You don’t know how we could do what ?

Original poster

Imnotsurvivingthis · 08/12/2025 21:14

Burningbud1981 · 08/12/2025 21:09

When did parents forget how to parent ? They are not meeting their responsibilities? The PlayStation goes in the bin. Phones are taken away. They don’t get rewards until they do as they are supposed to.

They are doing Ok at school but home life is pretty wild when they are off the phones, devices. If you asked my other half he would probably say they are just typical teenagers but i can’t help but feel lost and upset that my sweet boys have gone and instead i have fights to get everything done.
And i do take their phones off when they don’t get things done and they then do it but still all this arguments get to me after a while. Just want to give and go away

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parietal · 08/12/2025 21:15

Can you have some house rules? My teens have to load with dishwasher and do their own laundry.

at weekends, I make cake or biscuits and they are only allowed to eat it downstairs without a phone. So that can lead to board games or at least some chat. They do baking too.

ChikinLikin · 08/12/2025 21:15

They each need to make the evening meal at least once a week. My sons did at those ages. One cooks, the other two clear up.

Runningismyhappyplace50 · 08/12/2025 21:17

If they play football they must have training once a week and a game at the weekend so are getting some exercise.

Younger Is probably copying the older 2. Can you take them out/spend time 121.

How are they doing at school?

Original poster

Imnotsurvivingthis · 08/12/2025 21:17

Burningbud1981 · 08/12/2025 21:11

You don’t know how we could do what ?

Show quote history

Sorry this was a reply to taking everything away. We do do that when things don’t get done but still the constant battle and fight is really draining. Knowing that they always hate for enforcing rules yet having to do it first thing in the morning til bedtime, is really depressing.

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letitallopen · 08/12/2025 21:17

You’re doing fine OP.

They are achieving at school, that’s the most important thing. I wouldn’t go round looking for conflict as some of the replies urge you to. You’ll just make everyone miserable.

You’ve done a good job. They’ll come through the other side.

somanychristmaslights · 08/12/2025 21:17

Imnotsurvivingthis · 08/12/2025 21:10

I just don’t know how we could do this. 16 hear old is studying for gcse. no job )never had
14 year old has a job also has ADHD and so the house is even more loud when there is no option to go outside
I guess what got me is that the now 12 year old has been such a lovely boy until he joined secondary and now he has joined his brothers in being rude and not wanting to do work or anything else.
Yes their dad is around. They play a lot of football but this time of the year it’s just a reminder how addicted they are all (and probably us) to their phones.

The youngest has seen the older ones gets away with acting the way they do. You need to set some rules and stick to them!!

arethereanyleftatall · 08/12/2025 21:19

I don’t get why you dont just say no? No to preparing all the meals. Maybe yes if you like a family evening meal, then you or your husband prepares it. But I don’t think I’ve got my dds snacks, lunches or breakfasts since they were secondary age.

Burningbud1981 · 08/12/2025 21:19

letitallopen · 08/12/2025 21:17

You’re doing fine OP.

They are achieving at school, that’s the most important thing. I wouldn’t go round looking for conflict as some of the replies urge you to. You’ll just make everyone miserable.

You’ve done a good job. They’ll come through the other side.

LOL looking for conflict. It’s called parenting. Unless you want to raise lazy ungrateful children.

Original poster

Imnotsurvivingthis · 08/12/2025 21:19

Runningismyhappyplace50 · 08/12/2025 21:17

If they play football they must have training once a week and a game at the weekend so are getting some exercise.

Younger Is probably copying the older 2. Can you take them out/spend time 121.

How are they doing at school?

They are all doing fine at school and yes football is full on but every now and then like now when due to weather everything is cancelled, it makes me realise how one sided their life is.

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sittingonabeach · 08/12/2025 21:19

What example does their dad give in respect of chores, gaming etc?

Deata · 08/12/2025 21:19

Catch them doing something good, or that you like. Tell them. Repeatedly. That’s what I do, and it works.

letitallopen · 08/12/2025 21:21

Burningbud1981 · 08/12/2025 21:19

LOL looking for conflict. It’s called parenting. Unless you want to raise lazy ungrateful children.

Show quote history

Parenting is more than marching around throwing your weight around. It’s also about showing common sense, picking your battles and showing yourself and your children compassion and understanding.

Original poster

Imnotsurvivingthis · 08/12/2025 21:21

arethereanyleftatall · 08/12/2025 21:19

I don’t get why you dont just say no? No to preparing all the meals. Maybe yes if you like a family evening meal, then you or your husband prepares it. But I don’t think I’ve got my dds snacks, lunches or breakfasts since they were secondary age.

but they are secondary age. I feel it’s my responsibility to feed them with semi healthy food. If i say no to doing it, they will eat what they can find and again i would feel like a bad mother for not making sure they are fed well

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HardworkSendHelp · 08/12/2025 21:22

It took a serious amount of parenting to turn my 15 year old into a decent human. You can’t give up. Do not tolerate the bad behaviour, do not tolerate the not doing what they are told. As other posters said phones taken off them, no PlayStation, no x box. My husband said he was in the FARM movement. Fathers against raising morons! So we have always been on the same team. Now we have got to this stage everything is such a pleasure. But Christ it was hard.

Burningbud1981 · 08/12/2025 21:24

letitallopen · 08/12/2025 21:21

Parenting is more than marching around throwing your weight around. It’s also about showing common sense, picking your battles and showing yourself and your children compassion and understanding.

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Yes that’s part of it but obviously that’s not working for op if she’s reached the end of her tether. You have to do both. Implement discipline when you need to. Praise your children when you need to

Original poster

Imnotsurvivingthis · 08/12/2025 21:25

sittingonabeach · 08/12/2025 21:19

What example does their dad give in respect of chores, gaming etc?

Their dad works quite long hours and when he isn’t ferrying them around to footie, he isn’t doing much so you are correct in that he isn’t doing very good role modelling in the chores. Saying that last night he did the kids uniform ironing but not sure any of the kids saw him

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Hankunamatata · 08/12/2025 21:26

My boys are the same age. Im a little puzzled why you hate them. They dont seem to be doing anything terribly wrong.

Mine get 2 hours of electronics a day and then have to ask if they ant time increased - everything is controlled form my phone.

Chores have to be done as soon as they come in from school - we have a schedule who does what each day.

If they are rude. I block wi fi.

arethereanyleftatall · 08/12/2025 21:28

Imnotsurvivingthis · 08/12/2025 21:21

but they are secondary age. I feel it’s my responsibility to feed them with semi healthy food. If i say no to doing it, they will eat what they can find and again i would feel like a bad mother for not making sure they are fed well

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Sorry op but I disagree that it’s good parenting to be making all the food for teenagers. Good parenting would be having good nutritional food available in the house for them to prepare themselves. Even the 12 year old should be able to eg make his own eggs for breakfast.