DH and I are trying to sort Christmas and he’s getting some pushback from MIL, so I wanted neutral views.
Background is we’re married, no kids yet. DH and I got married a few years back and have spent each Christmas Day with one side of the family (my parents are separated so for example we spent one year with MIL and FIL, another with my dad, another with MIL and FIL). We have not been to my mum’s yet since we got married except for an hour or so last year to give presents as due to everyone’s work/holiday etc schedules it was the only day suitable.
We live within a hour drive from my mum and about 20 mins from MIL. MIL is also within an hour drive to my mums. So both families are local-ish but not close enough to pop across the road. MIL is insisting we come to hers on Christmas Day before or after going to my mums. My husband said what about boxing day but MIL said that it’s “not Christmas”. She told FIL that apparently DH might not come over on Christmas Day and apparently FIL thought she was joking and that he couldn’t believe it. Going in the morning would mean rushing all our prep, cooking, gifts, getting ready and driving around before even getting to my mum’s.
Husband said he doesn’t want to start the day stressed or rushing so he’d rather go to MILS on boxing day. MIL then pointed out a picture to him of MIL, FIL, DH and his siblings and siblings kids and she said you need to remember family forever and be more involved. For context, a lot of the family events are held on a day when he works and are chosen on a particular day to suit another family member so he doesn’t attend, but if they’re on a day he can attend he usually does. But generally he is the one who phones MIL to catch up with her every week, not the other way around. I wouldn't say we don’t get along but there have been comments over the years eg her saying she would object at our wedding because he’s her son, things like that, but this was a long time ago and things have been better since).
I am trying to be accommodating but AIBU to think we’ve already been twice for Christmas day in recent years so this should be a total non-issue and boxing day is just as good a time as any? It also means if we went on Christmas day we’d only be going for an hour or so which would feel very rushed and I know she’d say that we didn’t stay long. For those wondering, Mil will have anywhere from 5-10 guests so won’t be alone. My husband said not to worry about it because he’s not but I just wanted to share and ask WWYD because I just want peace and to get along.