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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this man married or just totally unconventional ?

105 replies

speir · 07/12/2025 18:54

I think he is separated but living with his wife . I’d appreciate your opinion as a newbie . I signed up to Mumsnet for among other things, your thoughts and advise on this topic .

I reached out to a man who works in an area that I needed urgent advice on. He gave permission to
my friend for me to ring him, I did , he advised me and really helped. That’s was two years ago.
I have seen him
around for a couple of decades and have always found him attractive. There have been a few glances towards me back through time.
I married, divorced and am Single seven years. I did not want a relationship ever again.

I have always seen him either on his own or Ina group … male only or mixed. I’ve never seen him with a partner in any social capacity and there have been many. I assumed he was single.
He is, by all accounts , a workaholic, academic and trailblazer in his area of expertise.
he spends a lot of time in our village relaxing, engaging in pastimes , working remotely and socialising, as far as I can see.
I mostly see him when he is on his own.

I contacted him again recently , on impulse , as he was the only person I could think of that could give me urgent advice and guidance in that same area of expertise again .I took a risk in contacting him as I didn’t have his number… I just
googles his name and found an email address.
He responded immediately and was more that helpful, kind and compassionate. I appreciated it but was very
embarrassed when things settled again.

I left a note and small gift in my local corner shop for him, one I’ve seen him in on a number of occasions.
He picked it up a coupe of weeks later and emailed me straight away thanking me and asking how the other situation worked out.
Bearing in mind , that we’ve never spoken in each others company , I said that we may see each other someday as it odd to have this email and phone contact despite being in the same area for decades and we’ve never spoken.
He emailed back and said that yes we might meet soon with a smiley emoji.
again, as this was all professional etc I was a little taken aback.
Long story short seems to be that he is married !
There is absolutely no sign of his wife anywhere in person or online. He spends traditional family holidays on his own in our town despite having young adult
children and a wife that uses his surname
They live hours away..
S it just me or is this just strange ?

He is very high profile in his area of work so there are hundreds of thousands of results when his name is googled but not one photo of him and his wife or reference to her in any media interviews in the last twenty years and spending months of the year in our town on his own seems odd.

Id love your thoughts please
Thank you.

OP posts:
Lamentingalways · 13/12/2025 18:51

I don’t think it really matters if he’s married or gay. You gave him a gift and also hinted that you would like to see him and he hasn’t come forward and asked you out. He may think you look nice but he isn’t interested in taking things any further and I suppose the reason behind that isn’t really any of your business.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 13/12/2025 18:52

Lamentingalways · 13/12/2025 18:51

I don’t think it really matters if he’s married or gay. You gave him a gift and also hinted that you would like to see him and he hasn’t come forward and asked you out. He may think you look nice but he isn’t interested in taking things any further and I suppose the reason behind that isn’t really any of your business.

Ha!
There's an update.
The OP says he's asked her out.

Lamentingalways · 13/12/2025 19:00

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 13/12/2025 18:52

Ha!
There's an update.
The OP says he's asked her out.

That’s great, let’s hope he’s not married then 😂

JoBrandsCleaner · 14/12/2025 00:40

speir · 12/12/2025 15:29

Just a quick thanks for your responses .He has emailed and asked me to exchange numbers with a view to meeting up over Christmas so I’m feeling really happy and excited!

No he hasn’t, you come across as absolutely bonkers.

SweeetFannyAdams · 14/12/2025 00:44

speir · 13/12/2025 18:45

My goodness … the toxicity of this place … over and out.

Yes but it won't be over and out will it?

Because you said last time he agreed via email to meet for coffee.

Although again, it was because you were taking advantage of his free professional advice.

So I expect you'll be back again.

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