To wonder why DH made such a fuss

[ChristmasShift]

DS, 12, has had flu for over a week. He’s been very ill, up most nights and absolutely no routine. It’s wiped him out, he didn’t eat anything for days. He’s turned a corner and improving but still exhausted.

I was up early this morning, enjoying the quiet. DH has had food poisoning so been in the spare room. He appeared at 10.15 asking why I hadn’t woken DS up, I said he probably needs the sleep, generally he’s not one for laying in or sleeping loads. DH went back up and kept coming back down every 15 minutes to say I should really wake DS up. It got to 11 and I was fed up of his constant jibbing so I went and woke DS up. This is the odd thing though. DH came and ate something and has now gone back to bed to apparently rest! Fine but I don’t get why he was so absolutely adamant that DS needed waking up.

Ive said why did you keep on that DS should be woken up and he’s gone into a strop about how he has to work tomorrow so needs rest. Makes no sense to why DS couldn’t sleep in.

Your DH wanted to sleep but didn't want you to have alone time, so wanted your son awake so that you couldn't do whatever sneaky thing he thought you were going to do.

Well I voted YANBU because your husband is a massive aresehole, but you were being unreasonable for not standing up for you son and not telling your husband to piss off.

Well I would have trusted your own instincts and told your DH to wake him up himself if he was that bothered. Very controlling.

Your dh likely isn't on the spectrum but simply a cunt..

No human being needs a sulking spouse..
Ime life is fucking fab without one.

Your dh sounds like a twat tbh

This is FUCKED up.

My dh is autistic.
Autism doesn’t explain or excuse being abusive.
Reactivity = autism therefore it’s your fault is only that. An excuse and a way to deflect. It’s not autism.

So whilst being autistic doesn’t one an angel, nor does it say that the partner should become their emotional punching bad or that they can use their diagnosis as a weapon to get what they want.

Please, go and have counselling yourself. You and your ds deserve better than that

OP, your not so “D”H might have autism but it’s not an excuse to be abusive.

Look at the bigger picture- he does what he wants and you and DS do as he wants.
It’s all about him and what he wants-control.

The fact he wanted to decide when your ill DS will be asleep and for how long that’s extremely controlling.

His “diagnosis” is very convenient to him as it absolves him of any responsibility for his behaviour. He says/does whatever he wants and when you confronted him in the past he whines “that’s my autism”.

It wears you out more and more so you backtrack more and more because it’s easier just to comply and avoid his moods.

Look up DARVO and freedom programme.

Wishing your DS speedy recovery and you the courage to confront your life with abusive H💐

Fantastic parenting.

As soon as I read the OP I thought i bet it's because he doesn't want your son awake late in the evening and disturbing him. And he sent you to wake son instead of doing it himself because he didn't want the hassle of being the "bad guy".

All about his own wants basically.

So you deprived your sick child of sleep to stop your husband nagging at you? This reflects very poorly on you and on your DH.

I would have checked on DS but not woken him.

I think your husband sounds like a selfish man and a terrible, lazy father.

Is there any reason your husband might have wanted you out of the room you were in for a few minutes? Could waking your son up just have been a way for him to get you to leave?

Your poor son.
Arsehole for a father.
You need to protect your son better.

Aside from your DH being a dick, why did he make you wake up your DS? If he felt so strongly about it, why didn't he wake him himself?

Seriously.

You are being totally unreasonable. 1. For waking up your child who needed rest and 2. For putting up with this man.

Bumped message along.

This doesn’t make sense unless your DH only works one day a week.

Maybe because he's an arsehole? You should not have woken your child up to appease your husband being a dick.

I have autism. I would never wake a sick child for no reason, because that’s insane.

Your husband may have autism, but he also has a co-morbid condition known as “cuntitude”.

Harsh but true!

Right. Autism does not = unempathetic cunt. Not remotely. Though many have tried to claim that on this site.

I don’t know your husband but keeping people from sleeping is a sign of an abuser.

Your son is sick. You should have not woken him up. You should have woken up your husband because his behaviour is disgusting.

I agree.

You need to have a word with yourself, and then with him!

You should have told him to back off and leave DS in peace.

"We did go through a rough patch a while back"
You didn't go through it, you're still in it.

"I said I think he has npd, he went to counselling and therapy of sort and said he’s had assessments and he’s not got npd but likely has autism."
"Therapy of sort" and "likely has autism" - interesting way of putting it, methinks. You didn't rate the 'therapy', did you? And 'likely' isn't the same as 'definitely'. Sounds to me like he picked a pliant counsellor/therapist who told him what he wanted to hear, and now he has a stick to beat you with.

"If I say anything about his behaviour he says it’s autism and if he insults me it’s reactive abuse and I need therapy. He doesn’t do a lot generally as he says he’s working, that’s his reason for everything.
I'd be turning that particular fuckery straight back on him - e.g. say he clearly doesn't understand why DS needs to sleep because of his autism, so as the neurotypical parent you will decide on the appropriate action. He thinks he has a stick to beat you with? Take that stick away from him and break it in front of him.

It doesn't matter whether he has autism or not (I suspect not - far too convenient for him) - autism is not an inoculation against being an abusive arsehole, which is what your husband is. And it is as an abusive arsehole you must deal with him.

"I do work but only part time due to a life changing accident."
Is this another stick he beats you with?