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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why DH made such a fuss

82 replies

ChristmasShift · 07/12/2025 13:37

DS, 12, has had flu for over a week. He’s been very ill, up most nights and absolutely no routine. It’s wiped him out, he didn’t eat anything for days. He’s turned a corner and improving but still exhausted.

I was up early this morning, enjoying the quiet. DH has had food poisoning so been in the spare room. He appeared at 10.15 asking why I hadn’t woken DS up, I said he probably needs the sleep, generally he’s not one for laying in or sleeping loads. DH went back up and kept coming back down every 15 minutes to say I should really wake DS up. It got to 11 and I was fed up of his constant jibbing so I went and woke DS up. This is the odd thing though. DH came and ate something and has now gone back to bed to apparently rest! Fine but I don’t get why he was so absolutely adamant that DS needed waking up.

Ive said why did you keep on that DS should be woken up and he’s gone into a strop about how he has to work tomorrow so needs rest. Makes no sense to why DS couldn’t sleep in.

OP posts:
Luxio · 07/12/2025 15:05

ChristmasShift · 07/12/2025 14:54

Waking DS up was easier to deal with than him keeping on at me. When I did ask why the fuss he did his usual and turned into a sulking insulting git.

Do you often find yourself walking on eggshells and doing things just for a quiet life and so your husband doesn't sulk? You realise that's not normal in a happy relationship right?

BlueMum16 · 07/12/2025 15:08

ChristmasShift · 07/12/2025 14:54

Waking DS up was easier to deal with than him keeping on at me. When I did ask why the fuss he did his usual and turned into a sulking insulting git.

Sound you choose to get your ill child out of bed rather than tell you DP to do one?

ThereAreOnlyShadesOfGrey · 07/12/2025 15:11

“If you want him awake then wake him your bloody self” would have been my response to that.

Honestly why do women put up with this shit?

AutumnLeavesFallingFast · 07/12/2025 15:12

ChristmasShift · 07/12/2025 14:54

Waking DS up was easier to deal with than him keeping on at me. When I did ask why the fuss he did his usual and turned into a sulking insulting git.

Well, it's not about what is easier for you!

Your DS has been really unwell & was ASLEEP!! The thing that helps you recover from illness.

But to make YOUR life easier you woke him up instead of telling your DH, to give it a fucking rest and DS needs his sleep.

You are as bad as each other & need to sort yourselves out.

MorningActivity · 07/12/2025 15:14

He did that because your dh is a controlling twat.
Pushing you and his ds to get up
and do as you’re told.

insult etc… when you try to stand up to him or question his behaviour.
Look. You even said it was easier to wake ds up than coping with constant jib ‘why arent you getting ds up. You must be lazy’

As for being ill himself. Just when your dd is ill abd has been unwell for a week. But still enough energy to get up and have a go at you and then go back to bed. Why do
i have doubt on how Ill he actually is?

Sidebeforeself · 07/12/2025 15:14

ChristmasShift · 07/12/2025 14:54

Waking DS up was easier to deal with than him keeping on at me. When I did ask why the fuss he did his usual and turned into a sulking insulting git.

Wow thats really unfair on your part. You chose to wake up your ill child rather than deal with your DHs attitude?

Daytimetellyqueen · 07/12/2025 15:14

Luxio · 07/12/2025 15:05

Do you often find yourself walking on eggshells and doing things just for a quiet life and so your husband doesn't sulk? You realise that's not normal in a happy relationship right?

Show quote history

My thoughts also. This isn’t right Op & sorry you’re living like this.

AutumnLeavesFallingFast · 07/12/2025 15:15

ChristmasShift · 07/12/2025 14:43

He’s now said he said that because he doesn’t want DS to be up late tonight. He’s not going back to school tomorrow but DH is apparently working. He’s said DS can rest tomorrow when he’s at work.

it's all about him & you're all about you. Where does your poor DS figure in all of this selfishness??
Poor kid.

snoopythebeagle · 07/12/2025 15:16

ChristmasShift · 07/12/2025 14:54

Waking DS up was easier to deal with than him keeping on at me. When I did ask why the fuss he did his usual and turned into a sulking insulting git.

So you prioritised your awful husband over your son's health?

jay55 · 07/12/2025 15:16

Why didn’t he just wake your son up himself? Why was he issuing orders?

MorningActivity · 07/12/2025 15:16

To those saying to @ChristmasShift , how dare you wake your child up when he is ill. All yo make your life easier.

Thats what happens when you live with an abuser.
and @ChristmasShift is an abuser. Even from those few posts, you can tell.

So let’s stop victim blaming. She doesn’t need that. She needs support instead

Original poster
ChristmasShift · 07/12/2025 15:16

We did go through a rough patch a while back and I said I think he has npd, he went to counselling and therapy of sort and said he’s had assessments and he’s not got npd but likely has autism. If I say anything about his behaviour he says it’s autism and if he insults me it’s reactive abuse and I need therapy. He doesn’t do a lot generally as he says he’s working, that’s his reason for everything. I do work but only part time due to a life changing accident.

OP posts:
Twinkylightsg · 07/12/2025 15:19

ChristmasShift · 07/12/2025 14:54

Waking DS up was easier to deal with than him keeping on at me. When I did ask why the fuss he did his usual and turned into a sulking insulting git.

That is selfish of both of you.

Selfish of him being a that about your son sleeping. And selfish of you to wake up your child cause you cba dealing with your husband.

Poor kid. Is ill and needs rest. One parent being an ass and the other selfish.

AutumnLeavesFallingFast · 07/12/2025 15:19

Daytimetellyqueen · 07/12/2025 15:14

My thoughts also. This isn’t right Op & sorry you’re living like this.

Show quote history

She is choosing to live lie this, her DS isn't. He suffering because of her/their choices & they need to put him first.

Ariel896 · 07/12/2025 15:21

Your poor child! Why are you putting up with this shit?! I would never allow my DH to tell me what to do especially when it comes to our children being poorly. Hopefully your husband shits himself at work

arethereanyleftatall · 07/12/2025 15:26

What is the reason you are continuing to be in a relationship with this controlling man who treats you and your son like shit?

Twinkylightsg · 07/12/2025 15:27

snoopythebeagle · 07/12/2025 15:16

So you prioritised your awful husband over your son's health?

Show quote history

She prioritised herself. She couldn't be arsed dealing with her husband so did it for her peace and quiet

outerspacepotato · 07/12/2025 15:31

ChristmasShift · 07/12/2025 14:54

Waking DS up was easier to deal with than him keeping on at me. When I did ask why the fuss he did his usual and turned into a sulking insulting git.

But it wasn't what was best for your son who's had the flu.

Your husband was being an asshole. Why would you do what he said when you know good and well that someone recovering from flu needs lots of rest? Are you safe at home?

BuckChuckets · 07/12/2025 15:32

ChristmasShift · 07/12/2025 15:16

We did go through a rough patch a while back and I said I think he has npd, he went to counselling and therapy of sort and said he’s had assessments and he’s not got npd but likely has autism. If I say anything about his behaviour he says it’s autism and if he insults me it’s reactive abuse and I need therapy. He doesn’t do a lot generally as he says he’s working, that’s his reason for everything. I do work but only part time due to a life changing accident.

Why do you put up with this shit to the point of disturbing your sick child rather than disobeying him?

HelpMeUnpickThis · 07/12/2025 16:48

The more I read on Mumsnet the more i don’t like men.

What is this? (Your DH behaviour).

Why is he waking up a sick child on a weekend? For what? To do what?

Before going back to bed himself

🤯

Frenchfrychic · 07/12/2025 16:51

Your poor son, basically your husband wanted him uo so he didn’t get disturbed at work tomorrow and you wanted him up so your husband would stop mothering you, not one of you put your unwell child first.

thats shameful op.

Bigtreeesss · 07/12/2025 17:20

placating your dickhead husband to the detriment of your child is not ok

nor does it sound like a nice environment for your child

Why stay with someone like this?

Timebudda · 07/12/2025 17:20

I'd have told him to fuck the fuck off and shut the fuck up the kids unwell with the flu let him be.
I have to agree with other comments op not one of you as put the kid first.
He's unwell with the poxy flu and you lot dragging him out of bed.
Your both shameful.
I dont have kids and I wouldn't do this to a child.
I'd let them sleep as long as they needed.
Call yourself parents.

TomatoSandwiches · 07/12/2025 17:22

He is a selfish man op, not a good husband and even worse father.

MrsDoubtingMyself · 07/12/2025 17:23

Frenchfrychic · 07/12/2025 16:51

Your poor son, basically your husband wanted him uo so he didn’t get disturbed at work tomorrow and you wanted him up so your husband would stop mothering you, not one of you put your unwell child first.

thats shameful op.

This