Walked out of my own birthday lunch

[Nevs]

I walked out of my birthday lunch with colleagues yesterday. I know I’ve overreacted a bit but need some perspective from an outsiders perspective.

For context, as I feel it is relevant: I am a very tidy person and big on cleanliness. It’s an ongoing joke with people at work, as I wipe my desk down with antibacterial wipe each morning. My desk is always very tidy and bare, in comparison to everyone else’s, which people pick up on. There’s light teasing in the group but it’s fine, each of us have our own little quirks that make us unique. This is mine. I cannot relax in mess, so therefore my workspace needs the be clean and tidy, as does my house (as you’re probably guessing, no I don’t have kids yet 😆)

I have recently bought a brand new car, from the dealership. Everyone at work knows, they refer to it as my “big fancy car” It cost quite a lot but I’ve been saving for it for a while as it’s a car I’ve always wanted, and guess you could say it was a birthday present to myself. I’ve also had custom amendments to the interior and seats to make it look nicer. (Not trying to boast, as I said I’m just giving context to the situation)

Now on to the actual incident… It was my birthday yesterday. At work we all tend to eat out a local restaurant for lunch when it’s someone’s birthday.

I’m really not big on making a fuss on my birthday to be honest, it’s just another day to me, and I’ve been overwhelmed with work recently, so couldn’t have really done with that extra time to catch up on work. So I didn’t particularly want to go, but still I agreed to go for lunch since I guess you could say it’s tradition. While the restaurant is local, you need to drive there. So 5 of us went in 2 cars- 2 in one car, and 3 including myself, in my car (the two colleagues in my car don’t drive)

As I pulled up to the restaurant car park, I have colleague Sarah in my passenger seat, and Jane in the backseat. Just as we’re about t get out, Jane out of no where pulls out her lunchbox and says “Nev do you mind if I just eat this in here? I can’t eat anything in there right now (she’s on a diet)”
Immediately I’m irritated, as

1. she put me on the spot, she did not warn me before hand
2. as everyone knows, I’m a clean freak and admittedly a bit uptight, I can’t help it. And I’ve just spent a lot of money having my interior upgraded, she knew full well I would be uncomfortable with this, but she choose to put me in that situation anyway

My response was “Um, no? I don’t eat in my car”
She said she wouldn’t make a mess, and suggested for my benefit, as she doesn’t want to keep me waiting, I can leave her in my car with the car keys and she can lock up and meet us in the restaurant when she’s done. I said “Absolutely not. Why didn’t you say you weren’t going to be eating in there before we left?” She looked a bit put out but then accepted it, and said “it’s fine” put her lunchbox back in her bag and got out the car. Sarah would was sat in the passenger seat looked awkward and didn’t say anything.

We got into the restaurant and met the other two, who had already arrived and were seated. While seated Jane mentioned to the other two that she won’t be ordering. They asked her if she’d brought lunch with her, she said she had but she’ll eat back at the office. Then referred to the incident in my car while looking rather self pitying, this is not her usual demeanour, it looked like an act if I’m honest. I took that as she was looking for sympathy and to get the others on her side. Colleague Emma* laughed and said “Nevs as if you didn’t let her eat. Now she has to watch us and be hungry”

At that point I wasn’t happy, and I’m already aware I’m probably more annoyed than nessessary, l said “And whose fault is that? She sprung it on me out of no where” Jane then said she’s mentioned previously she can’t eat out at the moment due to her diet, which is a lie, she has never told me that.
I said she should have eaten at her before we came out. I also said to Jane “I wasn’t going to swallow any discomfort because you’ve put me in a situation you knew wouldn’t be comfortable with. If you feel awkward now, it’s on you” Emma then continues to press and says that regardless, if she wasn’t going to make a mess, it would have been nice if I’d let her use my car. At this point I snapped “My car my rules! That’s the end of the discussion!”
Everyone went quiet and looked awkwardly in their menus.

About 30 seconds go by and no one has said a word. I stand up and said “I’m not sitting in this awkwardness I don’t have time for it anyway, I’m going back” and leave. (Emma’s car is a 5 seater so fits all of them for the drive back, I wouldn’t have left anyway stranded)

I know snapping and walking out was extreme, I’m very stressed with work at the moment. I have my own portfolio that I cannot distribute out to anyone else for assistance. I’m overloaded with work. I think this was why I was so short with them.

I didn’t speak to any of them for the rest of the afternoon, everyone was quiet. I’m not dreading Monday, but I am anticipating another awkward atmosphere and I don’t even know how to go about it.

I know my delivery was unreasonable, but was colleague also unreasonable? Or am I just a snappy nightmare?

Stop coming for me then? If you don’t like it, then stop
it.

Your fan girling me!!

It’s embarrassing.

Doesn't sound like such a loss. This way OP might actually get some work done. She didn't even want to go to lunch in the first place; she didn't have the time and doesn't like a fuss being made over her birthday, but to oblige the others she went. How did they thank her? But making claims on the use of her brand new car.

Also, why could lunchbox-lady not eat with the rest of them? OP was obliging them, so couldn't she have done the same? A diet is not ruined by a single birthday lunch, especially if you order light.

I sound like a 12 year old

”go clean your toilet” such a mature thing for an “adult”
to say.

I did not start engaging or interacting with you, you came for me.

For some reason you started responding to my posts that were not directed to you, and now, like a bat out of hell, you can't seem to stop.

You were fine.

I know.

’Attempting to cause constructive dismissal’ about reasonably avoiding unnecessary damage to your own property in your own time is an absolute cracker.

The girl with the lunchbox was being weird, she should’ve stayed in the office and eaten her food.

Op, maybe you outgrown this job ? you sound different to your colleagues and like you need more out of life.

12 year olds are into toileting aren't they?

You came on the forum because you want to hear that you were not being unreasonable, the other woman was wrong etc etc. and you came here because you know that at least 50 percent of responses will tell you that because this is how forums works, You are trying to make yourself feel better which is understandable because you are probably feeling quite nuts right now.. However this situation is pretty simple. Did you act nuts? There is no doubt about that. Does it mean you are nuts in general? Not necessarily, and obviously no one on here would know that. Did the other woman act weird? - absolutely. Is the whole situation a normal reasonable interaction between colleagues? Nope.

Bless her, she tried I guess.

posted in error

I love you 👌🏼
I'm a loving cunt 😁

OP, I agree here all the way.
Sandwich cunt knows how you are about cleanliness and still had the audacity to think you'd be ok with her having her lunch in your brand new car (congrats by the way and belated birthday wishes).
The other cunts.... Well, they're just cunts aren't they lol I mean who goes on at someone on their birthday when they've already been a taxi driver, just because they said no to a cunt who wants to eat her cunty lunch in the birthday persons brand new vehicle.
Cunts.

If anything gets said you could say something like, "you all know how I am about cleanliness, we've joked about it for xyz. I don't understand why you thought I would be ok with food being eaten in my new car that I've saved fucking hard to pay for when I'm a clean freak!?!" "And then badger me in the restaurat... I'm mean come on, who does that?"
Summink like that.

I think you're fucking awesome and I love the way you are/think 👌🏼
Keep doing you Nev 🫵🏼💪🏼🫶🏼

I want to be freelance in the near future, that’s the plan. Just building my network.

Would rid of the office politics.

Too much Sunday evening wine, you’re not making sense!

How I wish I was on the 🍷dealing with plonkers posters like you.

If she was that desperate to eat her own packed lunch on a birthday outing to a restaurant she could have sat in the car park?

YANBU I would have let her, but you’d hate my car, and it wasn’t my car, it was yours.

@Nevs I hate how disrespectful people are to my things. Yes, ruin your own shit but when it belongs to someone else be respectful. I know my boss was a little shocked, but very appreciative, when we were going somewhere in his car and I'd brought a towel along with me, to sit on, as my skirt had a full length zip down the back. He looked at me a bit funny and I said I'd never forgive myself if I scratched his new leather seats with the zip. It just what courteous, respectful people do.

I've got a new car at the moment. I look after my cars as I keep them for around 15 years. I've had people scratch the interiors and it pisses me off.

He looked at me a bit funny and I said I'd never forgive myself if I scratched his new leather seats with the zip

How thoughtful, you can be my friend any day 😁

Yes i get this, DH is the same with being fanatical. Guess I've just never had a brand new car to feel the need to keep pristine! More empathy needed, duly noted. Xxx

No, she wasn’t.

You have no idea what she was eating and how messy it could be.

It’s nigh on impossible not to drop crumbs even when eating a simple sandwich, no matter how careful you are. They just naturally get away from you.

I'd never dream of expecting to eat in someone's car, let alone a nice new one.

I treated myself to a car (used, but new to me!) and when DH bought a sandwich en route home after picking it up (long drive) he completely understood when I told him he'd be eating it outside the car, he said 'of course!'

I applaud you for leaving lunch.

Cheeky fuckers.

She was rude, you probably over reacted slightly but yea she was out of line. I think you have to respect people’s boundaries around their personal items even if they are rigid or dissimilar to your own.

You were a bit over the top but who tf eats their meal from a lunchbox in a car before a group meal? There wasn't a soup or salad she could have had at the restaurant?
You need to speak to your manager about your workload.