Burst my friend's bubble?

[Flyingmonica]

My friend goes on about her son likely being tall - 6 foot 3 based on the UK growth chart. Would I be unreasonable in telling her that because she isn't very tall, this is unlikely to be the case and that the growth chart predictions are rubbish?

She is sold on the idea of her son being tall and her son has come to believe that too but I think that now he is approaching puberty, he may become very disappointed.

Should I just leave it be or should I give her a dose of reality?

Just leave her to it, what would you gain from disputing it?

(DH is almost a foot taller than both his (relatively short parents), not sure anyone would have predicted that!)

Why would you say anything? Just smile and nod. If her kid grows great, if he doesn’t is she going to love him less? And what if you tell her and he does grow tall - will she not then be even more smug about it?
Genes work in peculiar ways as above examples have demonstrated. Me and my DH are both 5’11”. Our fathers were 6’2”. My mother was 5’7”. My DH’s mother 5’4”.
My DH’s siblings (all male) range from 5’8” to 6’4”. My own children are 5’11” (male - and he was always the tallest in his class until some boys caught up and the grew past him) and my DD is 5’6.5”.

I'm going to go against the grain here and agree that she is being bloody awful, but I wouldn't say anything to her, OP. Some people (as this thread demonstrates) are just bloody weird about height.

I'm 5'2'' and my husband is 6'1'' and as a geneticist myself, I'm well aware that there are a huge range of environmental and genetic factors influencing the eventual adult height of our son, and the potential outcomes, myriad.

We make clear to our son that we think he is an attractive, intelligent, kind person who other people naturally want to be around (and evidence this!), and that is all that matters. He may well turn out to be a strapping 'over 6-footer', but I would be much more disappointed if he became a twat who told 'angry short people' jokes than if he was just, like a lot of men in my family, under 5'10'' (shocker).

We focus on body acceptance in this household and don't talk disparagingly, or indeed superiorly, about our own or other people's appearances and bodies.

Privately we find the whole fixation with men having to be 'over-6-foot' by many women on the apps as a bit pathetic, but have learned to bite our tongue around female friends who are dating.

Come off it, that's not why you want to tell her.

You want to tell her because her bragging about having a tall son in the future it's pissing you off so you want to bring her down a peg or two.

Why would you even care how tall her child will potentially be?

You'll all find out one day anyway and then it won't matter what anyone's thoughts or opinions are!

We have learned to bite "our tongue" - how does this work (as a geneticist)?

I’m 5ft, daughter is 14& 6ft1. She took a growth spurt and went from smallest in her class to one of the tallest.

You could also tell her about male pattern baldness, premature ejaculation, the increase in male infertility, prostate cancer, high insurance for young drivers, the probability that he will have to work until he is well over seventy and never be able to afford a house. There are so many things you can share with them to make sure they are fully prepared for disappointment, why stick at height?

I’m 5’2 my son is 6’2

Dh is 6ft3 and I'm 5ft6. Dd now 19 is 5ft9.

People often say batshit things. Just leave her to it. Who knows he might be tall, he might not. Maybe she's worried he'll be short and somehow thinks saying out loud the opposite might make it come true. It's an odd thing to keep saying though.

Haha ok. Let's imagine your friend had a daughter, not a son. Let's imagine that your friend was not considered very conventionally attractive according to most people's perceptions (yes, I get that attractiveness is subjective in a way that height is not, but let's go to town and imagine that your friend has just about every unpopular physical feature we can think of). Let's further imagine that the father of her child is similarly not aesthetically blessed. Finally, let's imagine that said friend keeps going on about how her daughter is going to grow up to be beautiful and keeps telling her daughter this too.

The situation is pretty similar. Society puts a premium on physical beauty for women. Women judged to be more attractive have advantages in the job market. Men generally prefer conventionally attractive women to conventionally unattractive ones. There are even an array of derogatory phrases for women who are considered to be 'ugly'. A lot of girls and women care greatly about their physical appearance.

I should think that no one in their right mind would tell the above imaginary friend that her daughter was likely to turn out unattractive. It would be pathetically cruel to do so. By the same token, no, it is in no way ok to 'burst your friend's bubble' about her son's height.

(I will also add that I in fact find it pretty annoying when parents go on to their daughters about how they are / are going to be beautiful all the time, as it plays into the idea that physical appearance and conventional attractiveness is what confers value. In the same vein I think it is really odd if your friend is going on to her son or to other people about her son's likely height with sufficient frequency to make it noteworthy. And whatever statistics you cite about height, the reality is that an individual person's chance of being successful, being attractive to others, and of finding all aspects of happiness, is down to so much more than this one feature, so it seems ridiculous to hype it up.)

Ugh, you’re one of those “I tell it like it is, me” types. Insufferable.

So she hopes her son will be tall ? It really should not bother you too much.
I come from a family where we have tall and short.

We can furnish more delicious marrow?

The obssesion is born of marketing. Surgeons offer agonising years of "bone lenghtening" at high prices, so it's necessary to cultivate a market for that weird endeavour. I've kept a vague weather eye on it on SM for a couple of years & there's a lot out there now.

That's how body mods get normalised without being properly clincally trialed & proven - by astroturfing the Web & making people feel insecure & in need of the procedures.

It's very weird that she's so set on him being that exact height but I'd leave her to it. If the conversation comes up again I'd probably say something like "well you never quite know, genes work in strange ways sometimes" and be done with it.

Why does this take up so much of your brain space?

I’m 5:5 and dh is just over 5:6 both our kids are taller than us dd is over 5:7 and ds who I thought would take after dh is as tall as his ds and only 14.

It's all such nonsense. My brother is 6 6 and my sister 5 11 (different father) I acquired the affectionate nickname 'Tyrion' from them when GoT was on. I'm 5 6 which is actually the taller side for a woman of my generation, but even if it wasn't, I don't care. Who really cares? Height presents its own issues (ask my bro)

Not that I want to encourage OP, but perhaps the friend is working on the rubric 'half your grown height at 2' for boys. A nurse told my mother that and it was right, he was a scrawny kid who didn't really grow fast until his teens, though.

I actually hope your friend's son does end up tall because you are behaving spitefully and are no friend to her.

The thing with height, is that it's a gradual thing (although with my DC it does sometimes feel they grow 5 inches overnight) so I don't think you need to 'warn' her as such. They'll both probably come to realise he's not quite as tall as they were expecting before he actually finishes growing so it probably won't be a shock.

He will at some point look around his group of friends and figure out he's taller/average/short. If he's way shorter now he probably won't think he'll surpass the taller boys, even taking puberty into account.

I think unless his height is extreme it doesn't matter. If he was way below average and there was possibly a growth issue, yes say something but why would you mention anything to your friend over a few inches. It's the same when someone says their child is going to be a footballer or brain surgeon when they're 6. They don't know but you don't need to be the one to point it out.

For my DS the prediction chart was practically spot on.

Why would you want to burst her bubble anyway?

Why does it bother you op?

Fwiw I'm 5'7, dh 5'9. Both dc 6' and youngest still growing.

Don’t want to burst your bubble but my 14 year old is 6 ft already and I’m only 5.5 and his dad is 5.9 so there you go!

I am 5ft 3 and my sons’Dad is 5ft 10. Our sons are 6ft 1 and 6ft 2 so no. Don’t say anything.