If I see any more comments on Mumsnet of it's just a dog

[Lifeneedsaresetagain]

Do people not realise that for those who welcome them into the family they are part of the family. And if you have a dog and say it's just a dog, I'm not sure you should have one.

I'm 38 so peak young-children time amongst my friends. I'm single and child-free/ but have a couple of friends who insist I bring the dog when I come to stay, as they know it just makes a visit logistically easier for me.

I say to them "bring the kids" for the same reason but their response is always

"No. They're staying behind."

😂😂

Exactly, and my answer to such a stupid scenario question would be that I would try my best to save both.
Dogs are very special, they evolved alongside us, adapted to our environment, and when you have a bond with a dog it brings pure joy.
My children are the most important things in the universe, but that doesn't mean my dog isn't part of the family.
I think most people are uneducated about dogs sadly.

I'm always suspicious of people who elevate dogs to the level of children.

It makes me think that they either wanted children but couldn't and are using the dog as a substitute. Or they have children but have a poor relationship with them.

The other post only exists though because a dog owner is expecting their dog to be welcome in someone else's home and is clearly put out that it isn't.

I had a friend who did this and took her cat everywhere! I don’t like animals - yes I think they’re cute in videos but in RL I have highly sensitive smell and all animals really stink to me and I wouldn’t be able to eat at a table with someone’s dog there too, in pubs I feel sick when the dogs are licking food off plates - it really puts me off going!

You’ve literally posted on “AIBU” then tell folk who disagree with you not to comment?

Well I’m sure all the posts on this thread will definitely change people’s minds. /s

Anyway, here are some Toadline Bulldogs to admire.

http://www.toadline.com/HOME.html

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/cruel-craze-ugly-bulldogs-worth-23376668.amp

My dog is only 18 months and I'm already absolutely dreading The Dreaded Day 💔

It's actually a reason I didnt let her in my bed for so long. One day she will die, and even in bed I will feel the pain of her not being there to sleep alongside me.

She's not bringing it into anyone else's house though. That's an entirely different scenario. Assuming that's the same thread we're both thinking of.

Of course it's not reasonable to expect to bring a dog to someone else's home.

I haven't read that fully enough to understand. I thought from the OP that she was annoyed the boyfriend had initially told her she could bring it but not actually asked.

I do agree that this is limited to being respectful of someone else loving something. It doesn't mean the rest of the world has to value that thing as highly as you do.

That's why child free hotels exist. I don't take my dog or my kids to work because it's not appropriate. I don't take my dog to people's houses if they don't like dogs. I don't take my kids out with me on an adults night out.

Having people respect things which are important to us doesn't mean we have the right to inflict them on other people or be inconsiderate because we feel they are important. Just goes with - respect their right not to like children/dogs/lampposts/whatever.

You get the right to say- sorry no I'm not putting my dog in kennels so I won't be coming - and that be OK without someone else saying - that's ridiculous your dog is not important to me. Not the right to say- your home, which is important to you, should be less important than my dog so I should get to bring it to trash your house.

They are never above my children but they are above other people's children.

I had two friends, both with older kids, both first time dog owners who recently said "if i knew what it was to have a dog, I would not have had children".

Oh dear. I don't think a dog compares to a human child but I do know, for a family member who couldn't have children, it's on the same level as her baby would have been. I guess I can understand that somewhat.

Well that's horrific. A dog is just an animal end of the day. Not remotely the same thing as a child and far less.valuable. I feel sorry for those poor children, assuming the mothers meant it and weren't just making a wry joke.

Our dogs are treated like family member and given as much love and respect as our (older) kids. We don’t thanks them to places that they wouldn’t enjoy but we do plan things around them to give them the most rich and varied, happy life that we can, book dog friendly holidays to take them on, etc. They are never, ever “just” dogs.
Dogs are a very emotive subject on here and you always get some odd people crawling out of the woodwork to day outrageous things designed to cause drama!

People can tell the difference - but the love you feel for them and the commitment you make to their care is comparable.

I am bemused @Lifeneedsaresetagain that people are so bloody lacking in empathy for their fellow humans that they don’t accept that some of us take our commitment to [our] animals seriously and have deep emotional attachments to them. Of course my relationship with my dogs is not as deep as the one I have for my children, who will always be my priority - even though they are independent young adults now - but I don’t tell other people how to think and feel, so they should step away from judgment about how i feel.

Both my DCs are on the spectrum (as in fact am I, it turns out) the emotional support our pets have provided to us over the last decade, through very difficult times, is immeasurable.

I love dogs, have my own dogs, own a business that is purely about dogs.

My dm comes to stay at mine, she brings her dog. There is nothing wrong with the dog but there is something wrong with the way my dm's dog usurps our dog's normal routine 🙄

Her dog gets to stay in the living room all the time, at the expense of my dogs who are either shut into another part of the house, or will be in our old dairy in a (heated) kennel.
My dogs get the run of our land (only 1 takes full advantage of this, the other is a rescue who has yet to gain the confidence to leave our side) my dm finds that problematic because when she wants to take her dog out (it is never off lead) she expects to take it out there and then, no waiting for us to round up our dog.
We have plenty of room to put her dog in a kennel overnight, not happening! That dog gets to sleep in my bed, the bed I don't let my dogs into because we have to have one dog free place in the house.
Why do I let this carry on? Because my sister needs respite from dm and her dog, so I sort of suck it up whilst internally raging.

If I was a non dog household, I would not be letting dogs into my house and onto my bed.

But there's nothing wrong with that ? Why can't people who can't have children have something else they love instead?

Maybe you love a goldfish, that's fine too. Its not hurting anyone else or reducing the value of their relationship with or feelings towards their children.

Two things can be true at the same time without detracting from each other.

We are on a rock floating in space. If you have to fill the hole in your soul left by poor adaptation to human relationships or whatever, go for it. I admit openly that my dog is easier to have a relationship with than a lot of people. But is not equal, the dog wouldn't want it to be either, they need structure and rules and guidance. If you don't give that, you're failing.

Being one of those people who stand adoringly watching their fifty kilo stinking mutt jump all over people, or expecting people to give a shit about including their small yapping stinky jumper wearing goblin in every place ( they always have brown stains around their eyes/mouths other parts too🤮)... No.

And like I say, I speak as a dog owner! I love my dog, which is treated well (jumpers, sleeps in my room, walked and included with the kids and given treats, trained and cleaned and enriched). If there was ever a situation which led to the harm of a human, I wouldn't hesitate to put my dog to sleep, though. My heart would hurt for the rest of my life and I would have failed both myself and the dog in that scenario. But it is indeed, just a dog.

That poster is another unhinged dogstremist. Sociopath 😂

The pandemic has brought out so many people like this who revel in their misanthropy and are happy to admit they have the social skills of pigeons.

How you feel is absolutely your own prerogative and your own business. The issues are when people then think everyone else needs to accept the dog in the same way, at gatherings, coming to stay etc.

I'm always suspicious of non-dog people who constantly compare dogs to humans. Or who rabbit on about all the fur baby nonsense. It's all projection.

I don't look at my dog and think "oh, but you're not a child". I don't want her to be a child. We're child free by choice. Our dog is who she is. She lives in our house and we love her. My partner lives in our house and I love him. Ditto our cat. I don't feel any need to ruminate for hours over whether the dog is more or less important than my partner is. All this human/dog comparison is infantile.

Why would you be suspicious of people who couldn’t have kids and decide to pour their love into caring for a dog? Why can’t you just let them be happy?

Also hilarious that you think people who consider dogs to be a member of their family must have a bad relationship with their kids. Just let people be.

I agree that a dog is a member of the family (ie the dog sees itself as part of the pack) and it does need training to be left at home. Dog smell, drop hair, are intrusive, scratch/mark floors and get over excited (which owners do not correct). Dogs are not welcome in my house because of this and my whole family know this. My boundaries are clear and everyone respect this.