Ski trip cost- are we subsidizing “host “ family

[Moknicker]

Wanted to get a sense check on how a family has asked us to split costs for an upcoming ski trip

• One family (2 adults + 2 kids) is going on the trip.
• Four additional children (each from separate families) were invited to join. Our child is one of these - is friends with younger child. Kids are 17 and 15 year olds
• Total people on the trip: 8
• 4 from the host family.
• 4 individual children

Shared costs:

• Accommodation: 4k total
• Ski lift pass: 7 at 300 each = 2100 ( mum is not skiing)
• Total cost: 6100

The host family just told us the cost is 1640 for our son. I asked for the breakdown( we were only given total figure). It looks like they have added up the costs and divided by 5

Aibu to say this is not fair and our cost is around 1050( accommodation divided by 8 and we pay 300 for ski lift ) and we and the other kids should not be subsidizing the “host” family? And if we are then they should have told us beforehand?

Travel costs and other costs are covered individually.

If my family of four had to book a sleeps 8 chalet to accommodate four friends, then too bloody right we'd be sharing the cost of the chalet! It'll be double what they normally pay.
They may have divided the accommodation per room not per person, which is valid, but I'd be wanting to know if my ds has a single room and probably actually ask if he could share for cheaper.
Also, it's unlikely that individuals are organising their own transfers so surely that's included in the shared costs? And food?

Or there might be a simple maths mistake?

Honestly, I would not be starting from a point of assuming these parents are trying to rip you off or take advantage. Assume either you don't have the full info or they've made an honest mistake and you'll have a much more productive conversation. Most people, especially those who willingly take other people's kids away on holiday, are basically decent folk.

I would do this too. I go for four days skiing with my son every year and it comes to about £2K between us with everything included. Also that sum does look like they've just divided their accomodation and lift pass costs by four, so it does seem that they are expecting the invited children to subsidise the trip. TBH I wouldn't trust my kid to be looked after - especially somewhere potentially dangerous like a ski resort - by a bunch of piss taking blaggers!

I’m not sure how they have calculated the cost but £1600pp for a week skiing including accommodation, lift pass and equipment hire sounds about right.

I think that message is how you would ask if you had engaged them to provide a service, like if a builder gave you a quote. I think in this situation you need to either ask more delicately or say from the start that sorry but your child can no longer go at that price and will be dropping out of the trip (though I'd then expect some pushback from them as presumably the accommodation has been booked on the basis you said your child was going so you pulling out now definitely will leave them out of pocket). If there is any chance your child will still go then I think it's fair to ask more questions but it has to be done in a friendly way, not a transactional one - you don't want to send a teen on holiday with a family where the relationship with you has become strained.

It would if it included travel (most school ski trips come in around 1200-1600) and equipment but it doesn’t so it is over

Bit surprised that you know them well enough to trust them to take your kid away skiing.

But not enough to simply double check what the costs are covering.

You've assumed the worst.

Have they mistakenly thought you're paying for more than one of the additional children?

No. She's concerned she's paying way too much for that.

I'm impressed by families who are willing to fully subsidise the costs of their DC bringing friends with them on holiday.

I do think a ski trip is a bit different though - for one thing I don't think there's a clear advantage to the host family of having the friends along (it's not like a summer holiday where there's the same advantage of having friends along to provide entertainment). Also unlike e.g. renting a summer villa the costs when skiing mostly directly increase in proportion to the number of people in the party. And skiing is notoriously expensive!

So I would absolutely expect to pay a proportionate share of the costs and wouldn't even begrudge paying a bit extra to towards subsidising the adults if they are doing supervision of skiing, self-catering etc.

But clearly totally covering the costs of the host party would be massive CFery - I can't imagine for one minute that's what is actually happening here, there must be misunderstanding about other costs.

People thinking they need to ‘ask delicately’ is what causes misunderstandings and confusion.

In this case they pretty much are providing a service by booking the holiday, OP has every right to simply ask directly what she’s paying for and how it’s been worked out.

Sorting out finances isn’t the time for pussy footing it about, things get sorted much easier if direct questions are asked.

Jumping to pulling out is really passive aggressive, and is just going to cause more issues, there’s nothing wrong with asking a simple question.

A ski holiday does cost around 1.5k pp when you add flights, transfer, accommodation, ski hire, lift pass, ski school, food and drink. We normally pay that much for a 4/5 day trip.

My concern would be not the money, but the fact you have only one adult skiing and six teenagers.

That is a responsibility and a level of risk, even if the teens are all competent skiers and always sensible. (They may ski as a group, but it's easy to imagine a couple of them deciding to take a different route down and whizz off.)

None of that maths makes sense. How do you know the costs? Maybe that’s just the extra children's costs. Yanbu to not want to pay for the family but you need to approach it carefully. Ask what’s included and what the costs are, what additional money he will need etc. Are you in contact with any of the other families?

That's not how skiing works though. Most often you have a quick lunch and snacks on the slopes (which presumably each teen pays out of pocket).
So it might be breakfast + smth for dinner at most eaten at home.

I think it would help to have a bit of context as to how and why this came about OP? It seems an unusual situation. There's no way in hell I'd want to take 4 extra kids skiing with us! Why are they doing that? If their own kids don't get on at all, I can see why they'd bring two extra kids (a friend for each) but four?!!!!

An example of when you would say 'send me a complete breakdown of all cost items' would be if it was a school camp.

An example of when you would say 'so that I can budget and make sure you aren't out of pocket, can you let me know what that includes' is what you would say to a family who has offered to take your child skiing.

Both will get the same outcome. Different communication to different audiences.

Hth.

Is there a set of siblings going and they have accidentally sent you the cost for 2 teenagers?

This is another highly provocative 3am post on here which doesn't give enough information and the poster doesn't answer any questions!

You can still be direct without sounding like you're sending a work email.

"£1640? Oh yikes - I had it in my head it'd be about £800 (£500 for 1/8th of the chalet and £300 for the lift pass), what am I missing?"

Couldn’t say unless you say what travel + other costs means.

Skiing is expensive it’s not just accommodation plus ski lift it all adds up.

Skiing hire, boots, helmet
ski school or group if they are
Transfers a big one
Food if catered or if not
Are you paying own insurance?

To put it into perspective we are doing half board (breakfast and dinner) on the cheapest week of the year for 4 nights and its costing 3.5k for 2 people. And I still need to book a ski guide and pay for food on mountain.

Unless you know how many bedrooms there are, and who is sharing and who's getting their own room, it's difficult to say.
Likewise whether food is included.

Husband and wife will likely be sharing. If the wife is spending part of the day cooking, and therefore saving you exorbitant resort-restaurant costs, I'd say that would be ok to 'charge' for as that's eating into her holiday. In the same way, will the husband have to supervise more than he would otherwise have to do? If the older kids will be off on their own, but he'll have to watch over your 15yo, I'd give them a bit of leaway on that.

Do they strike you as CFs generally? If not, and it's not going to kill you financially, I'd be inclined to think that they think this is a fair split. It's possible for eg that the wife doesn't want to go, isn't a skier, would much rather be spending the cash on some Morocco winter sun, and is only going in order to facilitate the big fun teen-focused active holiday that they're planning for it to be.

I think the only way you can ask without causing upset is to say, so sorry, this is awkward, but it's about 50% more than we'd budgeted for and things are a bit tight - so can I just check the workings-out? Is the accommodation divided equally or...?

The cost breakdown seems odd but personally I'd just pay it as it's not insane and I wouldn't want to supervise teenagers. I'd be worried if i queried it my kid wouldn't be invited in future. Just treat it as a fee to supervise your teenager and organise the whole thing - that usually costs money you know!

But that cost doesn’t include any of the flights or travel expenses. Those are being paid separately. That cost is just for the ski pass and accommodation, which the OP has been shown the full cost of and it is clearly only being split between the guest children; so the host parents get half their holiday for free.

You are not being unreasonable to ask for a clearer breakdown of costs, but I do think you should bear in mind how much effort the parents will be putting in for your child, so be tactful and appreciative.

Food, drink, entertainment, trips etc, we don’t know if op’s ‘other costs’ include stuff like this.