To ask for help with my shopping addiction.

[LovingPoster]

I find this time of year incredibly difficult when it comes to reigning in my spending. I’ve always spent too much and now I have a daughter I’ve transferred the shopping I used to do for myself, on to things for her.

I keep browsing Amazon and other places online several times a day. I’ll forget what I’ve already bought sometimes. I keep seeing the next ‘perfect’ thing and buying it within seconds. I panic when deals happen around Black Friday etc and buy things quickly so I don’t miss discount codes or free delivery.

I keep telling myself that I’m done and then I keep buying more…

Your dd will end up overwhelmed with all this stuff. Surely she doesnt use half of what she already has if this is the case?

I am assuming you can afford all this stuff you are buying and aren't getting into debt for it?

Are you getting into debt?

I’m definitely aware of her getting overwhelmed. I tend to rotate toys and put some away and only have some out but I’m very aware that she doesn’t focus very well on one particular toy or activity and doesn’t have a lot of appreciation for the things she has which is entirely my fault.

I can afford it within reason. I do use Klarna and pay in 3 options but never miss payments. I could definitely use the money for more experiences than things though.

Could you set a limit to how much you spend a month on these things?

Write down in a notebook (or online) every spend you make - doing this will really make you step back and reassess.

Always say to yourself before you buy, "Do I need this (really need this)?". Are the items essential?

Thank you @OvernightBloats - this is really helpful advice. I will definitely try this. I think one of the reasons I struggle with this time of year is because nothing is really ‘essential’ but I also get caught up in the magic of presents, Christmas Eve boxes, new outfits, decorations… we’re actually moving house soon and through all the decluttering I’m finding that I’ve actually made life so much harder for us all by just having so much excess stuff.

Do you think making a note of what you want to buy and then going back in a week to see if you still want it might work? I think we all get a rush from the buying but then you look back and think that was a waste.

You could even tranfer for money you decide not to spend into an experience account that you use for memories not junk.

No one can help it is your choice

Just stop for god's sake. It'll escalate further. Ignore anyone who tells you you're a victim or an addict....just stop. Disable all that Klarna bollocks. Opt out

Thanks @Letsbe - I will definitely try this. I have been using monzo and looking at their different ‘savings pots’ and thinking if I could use those maybe it would make me more mindful of my spending.

I would just love to have some money left over at the end of the months, as there’s no reason why there shouldn’t be. Which I acknowledge is a huge privilege. But it would make me feel so much better if just a little was saved towards a big event or holiday and I didn’t just fritter it away.

Appreciate the tough love too, I probably need to hear it!

I like to practise ‘need or want’ when shopping - that always gets rid of a few silly purchase ideas. Also, I will happily fill my online basket but not go to checkout. Then a few hours/days later, I revisit and think whether I need/want/like all the stuff again. Even after that, I’ll put all but 1or 2 items in ‘save for later’. My ‘save for later’ is stuffed with junk I didn’t buy & is a ridiculous list of rubbish. I am very poor though and any other approach would cause real harm

Asking myself if I really need the stuff has stopped me from buying it many times! It's so tempting to get caught up with spending especially in the Christmas period.

Another thing I say to myself sometimes when I am tempted is, that it is nice but not THAT nice! Plus I have seen loads of that item in charity shops!

Thank you @whenallthesconesaregone - sounds like you’ve found a way to control your impulses which is great. Well done.

This makes a lot of sense @OvernightBloats and I can relate because so often the stuff I buy ends up in charity shops! It’s all lovely stuff but I buy it without thinking and it doesn’t suit me or if the wrong size. I did sell quite a bit on vinted this year which is good but I wasted the money that I earned really.

I’m not much if a spender but often find if there is something I want I add it to my basket and can leave it a day or two. By the time I come back to it the need has often passed. You have to just not get sucked in to that instant need / panic.

also try to get excited about savings. Maybe everytime you add something to your basket but don’t buy put that same amount aside in a savings pot. At the end of the month look at how much you would have spent but have actually saved. Lock it in a savings account at the end of each month and start again

Save at the start of the month not the end.

Earmark some fun money (experiences) and a smaller amount for "stuff" each month. Use an app where you can have pots for certain things. Disclaimer I don't know about this myself!

Take photos of the experiences and frame or put in an album. They will be bigger memories than any object she'll remember when she grows up.

This is a great idea, thank you! I like the idea of matching the individual cost of an item to my savings. I can see that being a really good incentive.

That works for some people, but others need different tactics, we are all different.
And it can be an addiction or a habit/soothing activity for some.
We are all different.

Thank you ☺️ great advice- we actually did make a summer scrapbook and it was lovely to see how interested she got in cutting out the photos and looking back on all the memories we made. They really are so happy with so little. She’s only four but now she’s at school I want to start slowly introducing the value and cost of things. Mostly because I really want her to have a better relationship with money than I do.

I would delete the app to cut out the 'impulsive' part of it. Can you stop using amazon altogether? Or do you have another device (such as a laptop you need to specifically log into) you can have it on? If you take it off your phone and block the app you won't be so tempted.

Thanks @Staysexyanddontgetmurdered - I have actually deleted the Amazon app many times and then reinstalled it 🫣 but I will definitely try it again. Out of sight, out of mind. I think I just have quite an addictive personality unfortunately - shopping, food, screen time, coffee…

Find another better thing to give you a hit - exercise ( you tube videos) , weight training aiming to lift heavier

every time you resist - write it down - how much you have saved

get all the things you have bought unnecessarily out in a heap and photograph it as a reminder -

Great tips thank you. I definitely need to find something else that brings me dopamine and a bit of a rush- traditionally it hasn’t been exercise 😂 but maybe I need to give it another go!

Through all of my decluttering for the move I’ve definitely had a really blunt reminder of how wasteful I’ve been. Seeing bin bags filled with old clothes have made me feel so ashamed… from a financial point of view and an environmental one. Need to keep looking back at those photos when I feel the urge to buy again.

I suggest using cash only for non-essential purchases - you have to physically go to the shop, hand over cash and carry your purchases home. Give yourself a weekly budget and when the money is gone, it's gone.

I did this when money was tight a few years ago, it really worked for me, I used cash for all shopping, including groceries, and just couldn't overspend, as didn't have any money that wasn't in my purse.