If one of your issues is buying things impulsively because they’re reduced and you’re worried that they’ll increase in price if you wait and consider it for a while, then I find it helps to reframe it. You’ll save far more money if you wait and pay full price but only for the things you actually, genuinely want. It’s tempting to buy things because they’re cheap. But it’s actually only cheap if you need it, otherwise you’re just spending money rather than saving it.
I’d also sit down and go through everything you’ve bought and write a list (ideally you’d do it before shopping but it still works now to stop you buying more).
What do you have and are there any genuine gaps (it sounds like in your case there probably isn’t).
Next year (and on her birthday). Start with planning what you want before you start buying. I’d also do it a few weeks before Black Friday so you have time to really think about everything on the list (don’t use online shops to search for ideas, just ask your daughter and think about what you know she’ll want e.g. a toy she always plays with at school or a book all her friends have been reading).
Part of the dopamine hit of shopping is the search and finding something new or finding a saving. Don’t bother with this, just complete the list- it makes it boring and takes the fun/reward out of shopping which is what you need. Again, even if you pay slightly more by not finding the best deal you’ll save loads of money by not buying stuff you don’t need/want.
Also, delete any shopping apps on your phone/computer and don’t save your shipping and payment details. If you make it time consuming and boring to fill in the information then there will probably be things you don’t buy because it’s inconvenient and time consuming.
Avoid reading any gift guides in magazines/newspapers/social media (if you hadn’t thought of it yourself then you don’t need it).
Don’t go on the Mumsnet bargain threads or ‘what are you buying your xyz’, it’ll just prompt you to buy more things.
Stay away from retail websites and unsubscribe from all retail emails. It doesn’t matter if you miss a deal on something you weren’t planning to buy.
I’d also find an activity to replace shopping/scrolling when you’re bored. I started cross stitch and knitting when I’m watching TV so my hands are busy and I’m not absent-mindedly scrolling retail sites on my phone.
I also find it helpful to have a separate account where I transfer any money that I ‘saved’ by not buying something I got close to ordering. You get a dopamine hit from seeing the balance going up.
I also write down anything I was close to buying in my notes app with the link. It means I can go back to it later if I still really want it a couple of weeks later (about 70% of the time I don’t end up buying it).
Don’t go to the shops to browse as an activity.
When you want to buy something focus on the fact it’ll be another item in your house to store, tidy up, keep clean and then dispose of. I love choosing things for my kids but I remember all the ‘perfect’ toys that didn’t get played with or were really expensive and they grew out of really quickly. It’s better to have fewer items that your child loves than just an overwhelming amount of stuff (both of you will actually just find it stressful!).
I also find that too much stuff reduces my son’s creativity and imagination because he just has the toy rather than having to pretend or find a way to play the game without the specific item (e.g. using a box or magnet tiles to build the Paw Patrol tower he wants to play with- it actually makes the game more engaging and enjoyable for him, I was taking away some of his pleasure and satisfaction by just buying stuff)
I have ADHD so impulsive spending is something I’ve had to work on. These are the strategies I find work for me. If your spending/shopping issues stem from a different place then it might be worth investing in some therapy sessions to work through it (it might be expensive in the short term but it’ll be a lot cheaper than continuing the same spending habits for the next 50 years!)