Can't afford Dd's very expensive school trip

[Wario54]

My DD is 15 and in year 10 at the moment. We live a deprived part of the North of England. She goes to a local, state comprehensive

My DH has had his hours reduced at work in recent months. I work part time in retail (can't get anymore hours unfortunately - I have asked). Like a lot of families, we're financially struggling to keep our heads above water. But we get by (somehow) and I never take the little things for granted (that we have each other, food on the table and a roof over our heads). We've not told our kids about our financial worries - they know there isn't much spare money but not about the extent of our problems.

Dd has come home tonight with a letter and great excitement about another school trip. They had a guest speaker today (external travel company) in assembly today enthusing them about a trip to Borneo of all places. It's 4 weeks long and the cost is £6,500. Currently planned for June/July 2027 (just after her GCSE'S). They are expected to fundraise some of the cost themselves (bake sales, sponsored walks etc) but we will have to pay the majority if she's to go.

She said today that she'll get a Saturday job to cover some of the cost herself. But even with that, taken into account we just can't afford it. It breaks my heart, because I'd love to give her that opportunity but I know we simply can't.

She's full of excitement about trekking through the jungle and cuddling Orangutans. But how do I tell her when she's already set her heart on it? 😢

I just think the school are being completely ridiculous by offering such an expensive trip in a cost of living crisis.

We had exactly this situation a few years ago in a state sixth form. We complained to the college about the ridiculousness if it, but ultimately 20 kids and 2 teachers did go.
OP, I would recommend using this experience to sit down with your DD and do a bit of a teaching session re finances. You are doing her no favours in covering up your circumstances. At 16 she needs to be aware of incomings, outgoings (including things like council tax), credit and APR rates. You'd be surprised how many young adults have no idea.
Work out how many hours on minimum wage, you /she would need to work to pay for that trip.

Very very few people will be able to go.

This assumes
a) she can get a Saturday job (there are none near me and mostly taken up by uni students over 18)
b) that she can afford to give up 8hrs on a weekend from studying/revising
c) that her parents can still top up the balance
d) that she cannot/will not spend a single penny on any other items - socialising, a day out with friends, clothes, make-up
e) that she doesn’t already work PT to earn the money for (d) given her parents can’t necessarily afford them already?

But maybe I am missing something.

That is utterly ridiculous!! If she wants to go there she can take a gap year before/after uni and go. My parents couldn't afford to send me on the school trips abroad, I understood this and never asked, we did have family camping holidays abroad but I knew they couldn't afford another holiday (I'm also 1 of 3). After I graduated uni I took 18 months out to travel, I would tell your daughter it's way way too much but she could set her sights on travelling after she has finished school.

I find it very very poor form that they invited someone in to do a sales pitch to a bunch of children for such an expensive trip. I expected you to say it was 2k, 6.5k is eye watering.

I’d complain too. It’s inappropriate.

To give you perspective. Last month i priced up a 3.5 week trip for our family of 4 to go to Borneo. The 4-5* Shangri La hotel for 2 weeks of that, the jungle river cruise and various 'must do' activities, plus a short trip to Doha and Kuala Lumpur. Total cost 15k. FOR FOUR PEOPLE!!

6.5k is taking the mick. If that was my child I'd be telling her it's certainly a good trip to aspire to do but better that she waits until she is 18 and goes with an organised package company. That gives her 2.5 years of saving in a weekend job etc and will probably only cost half of the price! Don't dash her dreams by an outward 'no' but do sit down with her and work out how much she can realistically expect to save in 2.5 years. I would say a 3k budget would be much more achievable and she could easily do a 2 week borneo trip on that.

I think schools should not be inviting commercial travel companies into school and providing them with a captive audience to do their sales pitch on. It's immoral and I don't know how this ever got started.

I'm also in a poor area in the north east and my DS couldn't go to his and my younger kids wont get to either.

This wasn't a thing when I was in school (Our 'big trip' was a day at Alton towers and it took longer to get their than we had at the place) but all the schools round here have expensive abroad trips. One school went to Dubai a couple of years ago.

Cost for 1 kid is more than a whole family holiday and it fucking ridiculous and I have no shame in saying no. We cannot even afford family holidays abroad so why would I scrimp and save at everyone expense to spend more than we can afford to pay for someone else to take just one of my kids on holiday.

My DH over rode me on our oldest's primary school trip which cost hundreds (IL paid) to send him for a week to a 'camp'. We did the exact same 'experience' at that age but we did it as a day trip (only 1 hour from where we live), no reason it needed to be a week long expensive glamping stay.

Now I have the stress of figuring out how we are going to pay to send our two younger kids when its their turn (which will be one right after the other) but its not fair to let one kid and not the other two. Also given the age gap and COL its doubled in price too.

I would be complaining to the school and asking which teacher it was who pushed for this meeting. (They’ll be getting a freebie).

At 15/16 I was definitely aware enough of our family’s financial situation not to make such a ridiculous request to my parents; frankly, it wouldn’t have even occurred to me to raise it.

As you’ve said you’ll be doing, you really just need to spell out for her that it won’t be happening, however I’d avoid loading the message with any kind of guilt/apology on your part. The vast majority of families couldn’t afford a trip like this; our household income is almost £250k and we still have far bigger priorities for our money than funding a 4 week long holiday for one member of the family!

I would complain. Even if i had the money itis a ridiculous amount. I wouldphone a local radio or newspaper anonymously because i think it us that bad!

Insanity. We have one kid in private school in London which would not dream of suggesting such a ridiculously priced trip. And if they did, we would laugh and say no.

I'm pretty surprised that a 15 year old thinks that you can afford that? Surely she can understand that amount of money relative to your incomes? I think you have made a mistake to not be open with her about your financial situation, to the extent she thinks you could afford £6.5k. I would be speaking to the school about it, that's quite inappropriate to be proposing such a trip, I can't imagine many parents can afford that. And you can't 'cuddle' orangutans...

You and DD and DH could all go on an adventure trip to Borneo through G adventures or Intrepid etc for less than that

Over the years I have had friends mention how annoying it is when family and close friends approach them for "charity donations" to fund these poverty tourism trips.

I think it is actually pretty cheeky fxxkerish to ask to be sponsored for a holiday.

I did send a tenner to a go fund me for my daughters friend in lieu of us attending a fund raising coffee morning at her home.
I couldn't be arsed attending and she is a nice child.
I think her parents ended up forking out for 3/4 of it as her fundraising and part time job never materialised!

part of the reason trips are expensive is that they must offer free places to staff. So parents pay for staffing and they must have an agreed ratio. The cost is clearly ludicrous but dc is supposed to raise the money! Or a good part of it. Most parents understand this because it’s explained to them at a parents meeting in the evening!!! Those who are interested go. The school should not allow a sales pitch to everyone.

I would question why the dd here isn’t more aware of family circumstances though! It’s very naive to think ordinary parents could afford it unless there are grandparents indulging. Dc I know who have gone have all raised large amounts via sponsorship for doing something (the trips aren’t just holidays) and work as well as grandparent gifts.

Precisely. Why this company ? Why not others ?
What does anyone from the school get out of it ? I wonder......
How much profit does the company make out of each child.
Why pitch to the children before the parents. I know why but make the school squirm and answer. If pitched to the parents they know what the answer would be.
All of it is awful. Direct selling to young people in the school is scandalous. Raising the hopes of young people, making a profit out of them, all endorsed by the school.
As to learning about finances. I would hope it might teach the young people not to be fleeced by organisations. And to know and realise they have choices in life. That they can say no. That you can choose what you want to do for a trip rather than have the one being 'sold' to you.
The legitimacy the school gives this is astonishing.

A very very firm NO

Please OP do not put yourself and your family under this sort of pressure. Your situation already sound precarious.Retail is precarious. You have other children?

How do you tell her? You take her out or stay at home and say the words, " No you can't go"

Its wrong of the school to even let this company through the door.

There won’t be many going at all. My oldest two had no interest in that trip. My third child was really keen. We explained how difficult the fundraising would be (you are asking people to fund a part holiday etc), and she agreed. Still a bit disappointed though I think.

That said, my husband did a bit of digging around into the company and it seems there were reports of schools being built (or foundations and first few rows of bricks) for them to be knocked down and started again by the next group. Also horror stories about children not raising enough/being ill and no refund to donors given. (Although I can see at least some of the money may have been passed onto the people being helped in the first instance.)

So despite her disappointment, I’m not feeling guilty at all (and I’m the first to get the mum guilt).

I was a bit cross that the form tutor, a few weeks after the presentation suggested that some should sign up. It also made me wonder if the school get some sort of financial incentive from the company to be able to show the presentation or if pupils sign up.

Don’t feel guilty. Encourage her to have some goals for when she is older and if she really wants to go there, she can earn and save and go for a fraction of the cost.

There was a trip to Kenya when I was in year 9 (the late 90s) and it cost £3.5k, so I suppose this is comparable.

Be honest with her, it's not like all her friends will be going.

Jesus Christ that is an insane trip to take into an area with high levels of disadvantage. There will of course be families who find the money but is there a scheme for subsidising it? It might be worth checking as sometimes there are funds for subsidising.

What happens if you commit and then can't raise the amount of money, I guess they still take a cancellation? So it's not like your daughter could even try to raise it.k

Shouldn't she be focussing on GCSE's?

So there you have it. Free places to staff.

So the cost for the staff is in the cost of each place. Your child would be working to pay for their teacher to go on holiday.
Nice.

No you can't go. End of. You are the adults here.

How fucking dare they, Jesus I'm so angry for you. They are absolute fuckers.
Years ago when mine were at secondary school they dangled a four day trip to New York £1000. There was no way I could have afforded it, had the pain of telling my daughter she couldn't go. Terrible situation to put families in.
Do as others have said, and give them hell. Your daughter will be fine, disappointed yes, but it's one of life's lessons, any upset is on the school not you. 💐