Have you ever said anything on a forum you would not dare say to that persons face?

[NovemberMorn]

And this is prompted by someone's nasty comment on a thread that was started by someone needing support.
Why bother responding just to be a twat?

No.

If I'll say it on a forum, I would definitely say it to someone's face.

Probably on a baby name thread. To a person’s face I would only ever say “awww what a lovely name”

I’d be honest, if it was called for, for instance if someone says ‘what do you think about when …’ whereas in RL I’d be diplomatic.

I wouldn’t be a dick about it, though.

I’m probably more direct. I try not to be rude though.

I wish all pps would ask themselves this question before posting. It’s the old story- people who don’t know the difference between being honest and direct, and being aggressive and nasty.

I only post what I’d look someone in the eye and say.

No. I may use words different on a forum than in real life. For example I might say that is a red flag on a forum where as I would say something like that behaviour is cruel/unacceptable if talking to the person in real life. I try to remember that most likely there is very hurt/vulnerable/sad/scared/lonely person on the other side of the screen and post accordingly.

Yes, regularly.

There’s a big difference between friends and family with whom I have an ongoing relationship, and a stranger on the internet.

It is so cathartic to be able to tell the truth without personal consequences. And I do mean telling the truth, not just being nasty for kicks.

I can share my gender critical views here that I cannot talk about in real life, certainly not at work.

I’ve posted stuff about friends and family anonymously to blow off steam that I definitely wouldn’t say to their face, but they don’t know so it’s ok. I would never tell my friend for example that her DH doesnt have friends for good reason.

No.

but I’ve said some pretty unpleasant things to people’s faces when they’ve pissed me off.

i don’t have much of a filter when I’m angry.

i’m actually less likely to be an asshole online as I’m more likely to just chuck my phone in frustration.

Mostly I’d say what I type in real life. But not gender critical opinions, as it’s too polarised in rl also different typing to talking when it comes to baby names, in real life if someone tells me they’ve call their baby, rainbow sunshine warrior princess I’d just be like, oh how unique 😀 whereas on here I’d be don’t do that!

Same here.
I have been around forums long enough to know that MANY people don't act the same way when anonymous, and it's incredibly cowardly.

I do think people know the difference between being direct and honest and nasty and aggressive, I'm sure they can work it out when dealing with people face to face.

Those strangers on a forum are real life people too, so I think it depends how 'honest' you are.
I see so many insults disguised as'advice...I wonder whether some just enjoy putting others down, all in the name of being truthful.

Often. When people ask AIBU and they are clearly being unreasonable, I say so. In real life I would dodge the question or say "lovely name" or similar vague stuff.

They are asking total strangers anonymously. The dynamic is completely different to a colleague or family member with whom you have an ongoing relationship and is not touting for opinions from passers-by.

Isn't that part of the dynamic of forums ?

I mean if you want endless platitudes and "there there's" and "that's lovely" and "it's not your fault" then the people around you in real life can serve that up in abundance.

If you want what people might actually think a forum is probably a lot better.

It's all about whether you are willing to accept that.

I think a lot of people come on chat forums for online company, discussions and advice, if they want endless 'there there's, I agree, they are in the wrong place.

There is a huge difference in giving people advice if they ask for it, and being downright rude and nasty, which happens all too often online.

I’ve been surprised at recriminations and comments made when someone is in a difficult situation and clearly in distress. Comments along the lines of “ you’ve brought this problem on yourself, your children are going to suffer how can you be such a bad mother” and also pseudo psychotherapeutic questions that are irrelevant to the question being asked and that are of no help to sorting out the problem.

Newsflash forums are different to real life. So yeah, it’s appropriate that people behave differently. If I’m talking to someone in real life I know the context, I often know the other side of the story. On hear someone has usually present their tale to make them appear the victim. Usually they are absolutely in a mess of their own making, or a non-event.

a forum gives you license to talk straight, which I would love to do to friends and relations, but because I know them I know they can’t hear the message in blunt terms.

I say things more directly here (largely because IRL I’m surrounded by people who are extremely thin skinned, and I can’t say anything I really think without endless sulks and histrionics).

If I’m very honest, I think I often come to MN when I’m feeling pretty fucked off after a day of being endlessly understanding with my needy and oversensitive loved ones, and let off steam on threads where the OP is clearly being a self-centred twat or a CF.

(I suspect half of these threads are trolly rage bait anyway)

I don’t do it on threads where someone is clearly vulnerable and seeking support. It’s more the threads where someone’s complaining their birthday presents weren’t lavish enough or their friends don’t drop everything to answer their text messages promptly.

I have made shitty comments to people who waffle on about nothing for pages and pages in insane detail, whereas IRL I just tune out and wait for them to STFU and go away.

I really hate the threads where someone is suffering with an abusive cocklodging partner and posters pile on full of contempt to tell her it’s her fault for being a doormat / an enabler / a wet lettuce.

I think it’s an entirely different scenario. If I met you in a supermarket and you told me your whole life story and intimate details of a problem you were having and asked for my opinion, I’d probably think you were quite mad and back away. But that’s what we are asking of people here.

If I know someone a little bit, I will give generally give them a kind but agreeable or non commiital answer. If I know them well and have that relationship with them, I will tell them the truth, as kindly as I can. That’s probably the same as I would do here, I’m never purposely rude or cruel.

I think it’s an entirely different scenario. If I met you in a supermarket and you told me your whole life story and intimate details of a problem you were having and asked for my opinion, I’d probably think you were quite mad and back away. But that’s what we are asking of people here.

If I know someone a little bit, I will give generally give them a kind but agreeable or non commiital answer. If I know them well and have that relationship with them, I will tell them the truth, as kindly as I can. That’s probably the same as I would do here, I’m never purposely rude or cruel.

I've said things I wouldn't say to a stranger, but nothing I wouldn't say to a friend who'd asked for my opinion or advice.

"I’m never purposely rude or cruel."

That's just it though, you may not be, but so many people are.

What prompted this thread, yesterday a poster wrote of a problem that seemed very genuine, (I know not all are, but this one seemed to be very honest) the first reply was some twat correcting the one word she had spelt wrong in her OP.
It's not an isolated occurrence on any forum by any means, some people just love to make themselves feel better by running others down, and I do wonder whether they realise how contemptible they really are.

Like the tragic woman who was accused of online trolling a few years ago, when asked why she did it, she said she was entitled to, and I think a lot of people have that attitude.
They see others on forums as fair game, especially the weaker more vulnerable ones.

Yeah I just read a comment a few minutes ago that couldn't have been motivated by anything other than wanting to put someone down. It's pathetic really.