Have you ever said anything on a forum you would not dare say to that persons face?

[NovemberMorn]

And this is prompted by someone's nasty comment on a thread that was started by someone needing support.
Why bother responding just to be a twat?

I don't agree.
I can't think of any comment I have made online that I would not have said to that persons face given the chance.
If someone is deliberately mean, I can respond in kind, but that would be the same whether online or face to face.

I have to say though, in spite of the oneupmanship and goading that a minority of posters indulge in on here, it's one of the more civilised online chat forums I have been on.

Just to add to my comment, people should actually be more selective in what they say on a chat forum than in real life.
They have time to consider how their words will affect others more, and if they write something mean, they have the option to reword it....something that face to face is impossible to do.
Once the words have been spoken, there is no chance to delete or edit. 🤐

I disagree. I'm definitely not kidding myself, not because I'm 'nice' I don't think I am particularly, but because I'm self aware of what I type and don't.
I also know what comes out of my mouth, when and where, so I don't find it a case of thinking I moderate myself. I actively choose to moderate myself and my language on social media.

In real life I'm intentionally polite to shop assistants, call center folk, traffic wardens, etc even if they aren't, because I see what they get subjected to, and mainly (but not always) bite my tongue when subjected to road rage, because tempting as it is, retaliation generally doesn't make for a better situation.

However I'm in a wheelchair and when I get nastiness and deliberate ableism in real life, I'm liable to let rip back loudly and will match or take beyond, whatever level I'm being insulted or sneered at. It's my outlet, those people have IMO 'asked' to see what the person they're insulting thinks about it.

On here I mainly either ignore it, or point out that my PIP is what allows me to work and pay tax, and I don't have a motabillity vehicle, but am fine with my taxes going towards supporting those that do including to have a better vehicle than me, and can't work or pay tax.

I have once mimicked the user name of someone who bitchplops on specific threads, into an apt description of their behaviors, which has been the height of my unpleasantness on SM, and was a rare thing from me, but I'd very happily use those words in to them in real life and ask them what motivates them to behave so nastily.
I can think of other long term MN posters who keep their replies decent.

I disagree. I definitely see rude comments online but I just laugh at them and ignore them. Or, I would close down the tab if it bothered me that much.

I've had rude/aggressive comments from men in real life that were far more threatening and frightening than anything said to me online and I had to deal with them, no option to close down a tab there.

Don't you think in saying 'I get much nastier things said to me in real life and have to deal with them, therefore everyone else should have to deal with lower level nastiness' leads to a race to the bottom in how we treat each other?'

There's a happy medium, but IMO It's how we become systematically brutalized into accepting things we shouldn't, instead of looking to change them...

The only thing is I would not say to somebody’s face if I found their baby name ugly, even when they ask my opinion.

On a forum I would answer honestly.

This is a tangential thought, but I often think that the way people on here claim they behave IRL is a bit of a fabrication, and most people are gentler / less direct / more polite than they make out.

For example, I have never once in my life heard anyone say ‘that doesn’t work for me’ or ‘No’ as a complete sentence when someone asks for a favour.

’DH has had a massive stroke and we’re in an ambulance to the hospital - is there any chance you could pick DC up from school and hang on to him for an hour or two until I’m able to get back?’

’No.’ <hangs up>

It's less about being face to face/virtual, and more about not knowing the poster, so you don't have to worry about history you have with them which will colour your judgement/way they interpret your comments, or having to interact with them in the future.

It's hard to say exactly because it's not a scenario that really occurs in 'real' life - but if a complete stranger, who I know I'd never see again, came up to me and and said "tell me honestly - " and then either came out with one of the AIBU scenarios on here, or a S&B question - I probably would answer a lot more robustly and honestly than I would if a friend, family member or colleague was just telling me as part of their daily conversation.

I think if you make the effort to come on here you know you are essentially asking for people's objective and honest opinion, so be prepared to take that. Yes some responses are unnecessarily aggressive but if I'm being honest, some questions are incredibly stupid, to the point where even in real life I'd struggle to restrain myself from being a bit direct!

The OP said people SHOULD be more selective because they have time and opportunity to delete or edit...not that they always do.

All the time

I sometimes leave threads when the OP changes the story half way through.
I do the same when questions are not answered when advice cannot be given without some facts.

Fwiw MN is the only placed I've ever revealed my csa other than to my BFF. I wouldn't tell anyone in real life including my DH and DC.

It depends on the scenario. Somebody who asks me that is likely to be a close friend or family so naturally I will want to help them unless I can’t.

However if a strange man asks me for my number I have more than once said “no”. And when asked why not responded “because I don’t want to”.