AIBU to not do a party tea?

[TooOldToBeCool]

My DD5 is desperate for a class birthday party. Since starting in Reception there have been maybe 5 class parties, including her own last year. From what I've heard people are preferring to do things just as a family, largely to save money. Totally get it.

I would love to give her a simple birthday party, but last year I found I wasted a lot of money on a standard birthday tea which hardly any kid ate, even though it was around 4pm when they were eating. But less food wouldn't be enough to go around. The party was in a village hall with an entertainer, it was otherwise nice and not too pricey.

This time, I'm planning to do an hours private soft play, at a non lunch/dinner time, and skip the party tea. Just before the end we'll do a quick Happy Birthday, then pop cupcakes in some really nice party bags that include savoury snacks and a drink for the road. I'll provide drinks during the play session too.

Is that awful? It just feels smart to me, but I tend to break traditions a bit...

I would make the lack of tea really, really clear on the invite. And I will also say something about not feeling pressured to bring a present (my daughter's birthday is in early Jan so it's already toy overload by that point).

AIBU?

In this day and age people should be grateful to any parent who does ANY party.

That sounds a bit sad to me. Children like consistency and in my experience (DS 8 and DD 6) although the sandwiches are largely uneaten, they will expect and largely hoover up all the accompanying crisps, popcorn and iced rings.

No I think that’s fine. They’re more interested in running around with their friends at soft play than sitting down to any tea.

For my DDs 6th birthday, the invites said " X activity followed by ice cream and cake". None of the kids cared about the lack of food (mainly because Ice cream is better) and parents new before hand.

If there aren’t lots of parties there will be no expectation but DO make it clear on the invite that you’ll only be providing squash (and maybe biscuits?) not a sit down party tea.

i did a big party once at non-meal time and I literally overheard mums complaining that I hadn’t provided enough food (we sat the kids down at 3pm so I didn’t expect anyone to be thinking I was providing a main meal!)

I personally would feed them.

Maybe just hot dogs - cheap and cheerful (thats what i did one year for my daughter and it was great).

I think that is fine and we have started to do this due to massive clashing dietary requirements. If you are clear on the invite there is no issue.

Yes! Forgot to mention all the dietary requirements. That def contributed to it costing more than I expected last time. And gave me a bit more to worry about as I didn't want a single child to feel left out

I think it sounds great, mid afternoon, a few things to munch on.
I can see why parents can't be arsed when there is so much pressure.
I always did the £5 parties too.

I've been to and hosted as well loads of kids birthday parties over the years.
Sorry, even though I get where you're coming from as it can get expensive, I'd do some party food as I've never been to a kids party that's had no food there, people will rightly or wrongly be expecting it.
Even if you put it in neon letters on the invite that there'll be no food, you can bet there'll be some who miss it 🙄😁
A party without a party tea is like fish without chips.
Bread without butter. Ant without Dec.

Do what suits you and make it clear on the invite. All of these "expectations" are a pain in the arse for all parents. Keep it simple and others will follow suit!

It’s not awful, it’s fine - but I would make it clear on the invitations, so parents know to make other arrangements.

Absolutely fine as making it clear in advance and not at a mealtime.

However if it is a big soft play I find they all run off in every direction and the food is the bit they sit together for and chat. It is different to a hall where they might go back and forward to food. They tend to call them to the party room and they sit down and served their own plate so more does get eaten. Also collects them all together to sing happy birthday. This is how it works around here, appreciate may be different elsewhere.

Do you have a party room or is it just booking a slot at the soft play? If you have the room I'd do cake and ice cream at the venue and then send people home with a snack / party bag. And just say it clearly on the invite.

It's a private room, just for the kids at the party. You have to pay for an additional room and sort the food yourself - it's not like a traditional soft play party where it's all a package

I will say though that I did snacks for several birthday in a row but last year the party next to us had pizza while we had snacks and the kids kept talking about it. So I got pizzas this year (we did the same exact party). Of course I panicked and ordered a couple too many but that sorted my kids' dinner out!

I’d provide the snacks during, not after. Cut out the cute party bags, snack packets and single serve drinks and put out jugs of squash, snacks in bowls, with just cake to go home.

We went to exactly this sort of party a couple months ago, 6-8pm after hours private hire soft play. Not a crumb of food served. The kids were pretty much hypoglycaemic by 8pm. 6-8pm is meal time in our house, so we all came expecting food. The kitchen was closed so no hot food to purchase and we all just kept waiting for food to appear. Nothing. Finally at 8pm, cupcake and sweet cone in a party bag and out the door we went. I ended up making mine dinner at 9pm when he was starving and exhausted.

They are running around constantly, especially if you have no break for a sit down meal. They will be hungry and thirsty. You don’t need to serve plates of sausages and beans, but do get out bowls of crisps, pretzels, party rings and jugs of squash during the party. If you’re asking people to give up part of their day and come with a gift, it’s good manners to feed and water them while they’re there.

It would be an hour, probably 10am or 2pm, so not near any meal times. I agree, 2 hours at dinner time you would expect some food.

These replies are really interesting though. It is sounding a bit like people who have this age kids now understand more where I'm coming from. I totally understand that there is a traditional way of doing things, and people are comfortable with that, I just question these things! I don't think we should do what we always have just because that's what people expect. I had a very non traditional wedding for example, and that went down really well.

If you can provide your own food, I would do something. The pizza idea is a good one - but of course you’d need to get them from a pizza place as you can’t cook them there so it will be more expense there. You could say snacks will be provided but there is no formal tea/meal. Then have bowls of crisps/biscuits/fruit or whatever you can do easily and cheaply!

Your other option is to ask parents to let you know in advance their child’s sandwich choice - then make up those little individual lunch boxes for each child with their sandwich, a little bag of crisps, a piece of fruit and a little cake or something? I think you’d get less waste this way!

Kids get hungry and tired at a party, they need food even if is just crisps and fruit. Putting not to bother with a gift on the invitation feels like a cop out, as parents will ignore that and bring one. Quick happy birthday and cupcake in party bag is fine, but not feeding them results in overstimulated, tired hungry kids who are going to be extremely grouchy on the way home.

Kids won't care

I 100% agree with you OP, BUT your child is 5. The likelihood is that you will marked as the parent who didn’t feed the kids at soft play party because you are cheap, and you’ve a long way of primary to do with that stigma. I hate the status quo, but there’s venom in the playground!!
I went to a party last week that wasn’t at a traditional meal time (same age kids) and the mum had made a few trays of basic sandwiches (jam, ham, cheese) and a tray of sausage rolls, alongside a large selection of individual packets of crisps plus a large box of cookies. Kiddos helped themselves and hoovered it up then went back to play. The effort was minimal.

Kids can manage an hour without a snack surely. And they’ll get cake in the party bag if they’re desperate. Just let the parents know so they can provide something if their child really can’t last a whole hour without a snack.

I gave up doing sandwiches for community hall parties and just did crisps, biscuits, vegetable sticks. No one complained (well not in person).

I think kids get hungry if they’re burning lots of energy at a soft play and personally I would provide some kind of food. Like pp said, a tray of basic sandwiches, bowls of crisps and grapes and squash/ water. People are taking time out of their weekend to celebrate your child so the least you can do is feed them even in a basic manner imo.

Don’t the soft play provide food? We’ve done soft play parties three times now and every time the food is included in the price. They don’t tend to eat much though, I agree. My worry would be the party appearing like a big inconvenience rather than a celebration to be honest.