AIBU to not do a party tea?

[TooOldToBeCool]

My DD5 is desperate for a class birthday party. Since starting in Reception there have been maybe 5 class parties, including her own last year. From what I've heard people are preferring to do things just as a family, largely to save money. Totally get it.

I would love to give her a simple birthday party, but last year I found I wasted a lot of money on a standard birthday tea which hardly any kid ate, even though it was around 4pm when they were eating. But less food wouldn't be enough to go around. The party was in a village hall with an entertainer, it was otherwise nice and not too pricey.

This time, I'm planning to do an hours private soft play, at a non lunch/dinner time, and skip the party tea. Just before the end we'll do a quick Happy Birthday, then pop cupcakes in some really nice party bags that include savoury snacks and a drink for the road. I'll provide drinks during the play session too.

Is that awful? It just feels smart to me, but I tend to break traditions a bit...

I would make the lack of tea really, really clear on the invite. And I will also say something about not feeling pressured to bring a present (my daughter's birthday is in early Jan so it's already toy overload by that point).

AIBU?

I don't know op
If you don't do food and put on invites no pressure for a gift
What if your little one is looking forward to the gifts after
Kids will know that party means food they are not usually allowed and lots of presents to unwrap after ..that's all part of the excitement.
What your planning may well be fine with the parents ..but maybe not the children including the birthday child .
It's not your child's fault her birthday is in January and mum doesn't want any more gifts in the house ..feels a bit mean to me

The soft play party I had for my son didn’t allow you to bring any outside catering, only your own cake. The plan was an hour or so soft play and then 45 min in ‘the party room’ to eat and they all had little cardboard boxes of sandwich crisps piece of fruit. All laid out on the decorated table. You couldn’t offer any food in the soft play, only drink, obviously because it makes a huge mess and I don’t personally want children tearing about with mouths full of food.

Well getting them OUT of the soft play en masse was a nightmare 🤣 then putting all their shoes on, getting their belongings gathered up, moving upstairs to the room, which had balloons in it and music on so cue them all running round like maniacs again and in the end I think we had about ten minutes to eat and do the cake! Barely anything got eaten, some did take their boxes home with them.

If I did it again I’d do what the OP is suggesting, no question.

Yeah, the soft play does not do food. It's only bring your own. And it's only a 30 minutes slot in that room, so getting hot food delivered feels a bit risky to me. It would need to be sandwiches etc.

On presents, my daughter is really just not very materialistic. She wouldn't rip into the presents. She just wants to see her friends for an hour. She also understands that not everyone can afford the same things as everyone else, and that lots of 'stuff' isn't good for the planet. She's a really good kid.

She's also my absolute world so the comment about me not wanting toys in the house or just not being bothered to do something is very funny! This wouldn't be the only thing we do for her birthday, I'm just talking about what we do with school friends.

Thanks so much for all the comments though, great to see the different perspectives!

One of the easiest things I did was a snack bag - got paper party bags and popped in a bag of crisps, a wee chocolate, fruit snacks, a fruit shoot, cheese stick and I think a little meat pepperoni sort of thing. We did candles and cupcakes together and the kids at the cupcakes and then I handed out the food bags and the kids could either bring them home or eat them - all the mess super contained and the kids who were hungry had options.

30 mins in a party room actually goes on FOREVER so I'd either plan a game or 2, tell everyone the party ends early or have some food for them.

As a mum no issues at all, make it clear on the invite you are providing a snack not tea. Just don't do the party over a mealtime or people will expect tea,. But i agree it gets wasted, is a load of faff and no kid eats it anyway. A few packs of biscuits a few bowls of crisps would be fine.

Snack bags are a really good shout. Then it's all pre done, ready to go and can just be taken home if not eaten. Zero food waste!

This is a really awkward thing to do simply because children expect food. I've been to a couple of parties where they tried this and the children literally just sat down at the table expecting food imminently after a while. At one they ended up giving out party bags early and the other ordering chips and the like.

Edit: Just seen your update. Snack bags would be a good idea.

I would be more annoyed at it being just an hour! Means parents have to hang around and do what? That’s more of a bother than the food.

Most soft play places around here will do the party tea for you. Get an hour in the soft play then an half an hour in the "party room" after where they provide the food (or you can bring own).

Blimey it's fine. At 10am or 2pm kids would have recently had breakfast or lunch. They can survive a hour without food

So, it's not a normal soft play. Imagine a huge sports hall filled with a huge soft climbing thing with all the soft play bits - slides, things to roll around on etc. It's not one of those specific only soft play places where the children are in a giant multi level cage.

There's no table for them to sit at. It's a different room (in a different part of the building).

And I'm confused by the comment on what the parents are meant to do in an hour. You wait and watch your kid, like they would if it was a 2 hour party. They are 5 and 6, no one dumps and runs at that age. That would be very inappropriate

Rubbish. That has never happened in my experience. People are generally kind

If we attended I wouldn't mind not having a proper spread put on but I think maybe you could do candles then serve the cake in the room? I wouldn't bother with the snacks in the party bags tbh as long as it's clear on the invitations there's no meal just cake. None of my kids would mind at all and if they had a bit of cake wouldn't be desperate for a snack on the way home.

I would offer some snacks at that age as they will get hungry and thirsty running around. It would just be some snacks like packs of crisps, packs of sweets, popcorn and a drink though. Also unfortunately some parents do drop and run at that age. In my experience its normally the parents who believe there kids are mature or who believe there kids are well behaved (normally neither is true) but be aware you may have some left. I have had to help other people's kids go to the toilet because they had no idea where they were and the parents were gone.

I would provide easy to eat fruit - bananas and maybe some slices of melon or orange. And maybe breadsticks and cheese cut into cubes?
I am old school, I would put on a full spread plus food for parents waiting. I think the simple snacks above would set you back less than £15 if you shop at Lidl if on a budget.

Sounds sensible to me! FWIW, most of the parties DS attended when he was in reception/YR1 tended to be in a venue where there'd be an hour's activity followed by a buffet of sandwiches/crisps/fruit etc. The kids rarely ate anything other than crisps and cake. There were also a few traditional (equally enjoyable) parties held at people's homes, where the kids played for an hour or two, then had cake, then left. The few that are held now tend to be smaller and, foodwise, just involve the birthday cake.

My sons 11th birthday this year - we did FlipOut; but both my kids have premium vouchers, so that was 4 kids entries free and then we paid for them all to have a refillable slushy.
Afterwards we took his best friend and him to maccies. We organised it so that when it ended, it was lunch time (10am) to make things easier for parents to collect and feed their own kids. I did originally ask if any of them ate pizza (I would have ordered them one to share) but one boy has allergies, another one is vegan and has allergies, the other one is kosher only, so I told the parents beforehand.
As long as you are telling the parents “no food will be provided” then that’s fine I think.

The OP should make sandwiches so the kids can enjoy the consistency of not eating them?

I didn’t know food would be included at a soft play party I took my DS to a couple of years back because they didn’t have the big party table set out like they did at other parties there we’d been to. He said he was hungry so I got him a meal as a result. It was a 2 hour party for reference. Then they announced the party food was in a room I didn’t know existed upstairs. I was so embarrassed.

Anyway, suffice to say I wouldn’t care if no food other than a bit of cake was offered at the end. It’s particularly fine given the fact this is only an hour long party.

Agree a snack bag with crisps, fruit winder, drink etc at the end. Completely understand not wanting the hassle of the second room and traipsing everyone about, but do think you need to do something....

My oldest dc is 25 (youngest is 11) but what I remember from my oldest experience was this one mum who unapologetically did parties her way - welcomed everyone but didn’t do party bags with tat, or party tea with loads of left overs - she literally did cake and jelly/ice cream. It wasn’t a ££ issue she just couldn’t be doing with the rest of it. She wasn’t rude about it, she made it quite clear on the invites and I think because she was so confident in her choices it just wasn’t an issue. I was a youngish single mum at the time and she gave me the confidence to say nope - I am not doing it that way.
Haven’t seen her for years but Karin you were my hero!

🤣🤣 that made me laugh - but also actually very true!
Though I am sure someone will be along to say their poor dc were deprived by not having almost stale ham sandwiches at a soft play!

OP you do what you think is best - trust me most parents will be admiring you

Why do they need to do something?

A party without some sort of food and drink isn't a party.
Also its only an hour long.
What do the parents do while they are waiting?
You've got to make it attractive for people to want to come.

So:
a) Because both parents and children will be expecting it
b) Because otherwise the parents will likely have to bring or buy some food and drink as DC will be hunrey and thirsty when they are collected
c) Without some ceremony it isn't a birthday party it's just some DC at a soft play.