AIBU to not do a party tea?

[TooOldToBeCool]

My DD5 is desperate for a class birthday party. Since starting in Reception there have been maybe 5 class parties, including her own last year. From what I've heard people are preferring to do things just as a family, largely to save money. Totally get it.

I would love to give her a simple birthday party, but last year I found I wasted a lot of money on a standard birthday tea which hardly any kid ate, even though it was around 4pm when they were eating. But less food wouldn't be enough to go around. The party was in a village hall with an entertainer, it was otherwise nice and not too pricey.

This time, I'm planning to do an hours private soft play, at a non lunch/dinner time, and skip the party tea. Just before the end we'll do a quick Happy Birthday, then pop cupcakes in some really nice party bags that include savoury snacks and a drink for the road. I'll provide drinks during the play session too.

Is that awful? It just feels smart to me, but I tend to break traditions a bit...

I would make the lack of tea really, really clear on the invite. And I will also say something about not feeling pressured to bring a present (my daughter's birthday is in early Jan so it's already toy overload by that point).

AIBU?

Are you sure no one will dump and run? I’m pretty sure once in year 1 many do indeed do that. I certainly did and also hosted parties where no one really stayed. Only Reception year did I have all the parents staying.

The OP is going to provide them food for when they are collected, "Just before the end we'll do a quick Happy Birthday, then pop cupcakes in some really nice party bags that include savoury snacks and a drink for the road."

Yeah absolutely people would not dump and run.

Maybe if all the parents knew each other really, really well then that would be okay, maybe?

But like I said, this is one of very few parties. Most of the parents are really just on smiling and nodding terms, some are friends but in general it's just not that sort of class.

I would never leave my daughter in the care of someone I do not know incredibly well or has not been professionally checked. That seems actually so dangerous. I'm really surprised by this comment. You'd leave a 5 year old with a group of strangers? Eek

Parties were pretty much all dropoff once my kids were at school. They're 13/9 now so it's a good few years ago but still - it was only particular cases where a parent would stay (my son had a friend whose father died and he was very anxious whenever his mother left him so she stayed for his 5th and 6th birthdays. By 7 he was fine). But that's besides the point really.

Yup but mine are 21 &19. Yr 1 parties were definately dump and dash or at least 50:50

We also used teenage babysitters who we didn't always know brilliantly well -different times I guess.

We had a few parties like this. When it’s just an hour it’s absolutely fine.

I wouldn’t bother with the snack party bags and would just do a normal fun one with the cupcake/cake.

Also we are a bunch who stick around now even in KS2 because we like to chat 😂

My child has arfid, so having food at her party was just incredibly stressful. I would intentionally have it at a non meal time and just make it clear we were eating cake at the end. I would typically have some little bags of crisps too in a couple of varieties in case there were children who did not like cake or just wanted more food. Everyone always seemed happy.

One thing to say is that people don't always read invitations/reminder properly. Not your fault maybe, but it is true. There was something about a wedding where the bride had made it clear that no food was provided and she got lots of complaints even though she'd made it clear.

They’re not really strangers. It’s all their classmates and their parents. My kids went to lots of friends houses for play dates with parents or nannies/au pairs that I didn’t know very well too.

Your area may be different…. but just wanted to warn you as I wouldn’t be surprised if some parents leave. Particularly if they have older children. You definitely get more relaxed about leaving your children in the care of others, the more you have!

If you’ve got the room for 30 minutes I’d just stick some crisps , biscuits , cakes and fruit out but not loads . I’d also specify if you want people to stay as by yr1 some people will certainly dump and run as their kids may be in clubs like beavers / rainbows etc so the kids are used to being dropped off and left .

Sounds absolutely fine to me, OP - and I'm quite old.

As long as you make it clear on the invitation that you won't be providing a meal, people will know what to expect.

As for "tradition", the extravagant whole class parties in proper venues weren't a thing when I was a child at all, although they were definitely the norm when my dd was little.

When I was a kid, we just had a handful of friends come round to our house, played a few rounds of musical bumps/musical statues/pass the parcel, and then had a birthday tea which typically consisted of a few sandwiches, cubes of cheese and pineapple on cocktail sticks and chocolate crispy cakes followed by ice cream and jelly. Oh, and a cake, of course.

What you're proposing sounds lovely!

That's on them, though.

My sons 3rd party was a very simple one and I said on the invites "juice and cake will be shared but please don't bring gifts as there will be no meal or party bags. We're just looking forward to celebrating and having fun with you" or something along those lines so everyone knew

Sounds fine to me

I think it varies a lot by area. My dd is 20, so bang in between yours. All parents stayed at class parties in the early years of dd being at primary school, with only one notable exception who regularly dumped and dashed - I remember it well because some of the other parents didn't hold back on expressing their disapproval!

That's interesting too - I was cared for by teenage babysitters back in the 70s/80s, but I never even considered it for dd when she was younger, and neither did anyone else I knew!

Again, might be dependent on area.

For my DS 8th birthday we did a pirate party on our narrowboat, which did not have space for a spread of food. I got pirate lunch boxes and put in standard party food sandwich, crisps, chocolate bar, whatever. The party, with treasure hunt after the kids attacked and seized the boat, and food went well. I couldn’t believe how much cheaper it was than putting out plates of food.

I would do this too. I wouldn't give snacks on the way home OP. Serve it there and serve the cake there too to fill them up nicely. Get a friend to help you cut it up and hand out in napkins, no bowls or forks needed.

In this PP example - I've had after hours soft play parties 6-8pm for my DC and you absolutely must provide food at that time - we got pizza for all as that's adult dinner time too!

I love the idea of hot dogs but I believe they are a choking hazard for young kids so personally I wouldn't serve them at a little kids party.

Or grapes as suggested upthread!

I’ve only just started letting my four year old have popcorn. Maybe over cautious but I was surprised to learn on a Paediatric first aid course recently it’s the no1 choking hazard in children under 6.

I have mixed feelings about this.
Firstly whether it is worth the hassle of getting my kid all hyped up for a party of only one hour, when most are at least 1.5 hours because of food. I also think it's a bit weird if you did a party bag with a snack and drink for the road, and would rather you didn't bother at all and did a standard party bag. Most kids would expect to be fed at the end, and if they have been running round burning lots of energy they will be hungry.

In the past I have asked beforehand what people want and then they each get a bag at the party containing the sandwich they chose (only half), a packet of crisps, chocolate/treat, fruit and then have the cake. Would this be an option to you?

I don't think you can make judgements on very few parties. Not everyone does them but also some are discreet. We never did a whole class party, max we had was 14. So while you mention you are one of the few hosting, maybe others are doing things with other children. Also days out have become popular where the child chooses one-three friends and they then go somewhere (theme park) for the day.

I'd never heard of this but, i suppose times have changed and that would never have crossed my mind (or the whole class that used to come). My Children aren't old but, i think that views change all the time.

How is a frankfurter/ veggie frankfurter any different to a sandwich/ cheese string/ crisps/ cake etc etc in regards to choking?

What would you serve at a party for 5 year olds?

I may be wrong but after grapes I think hot dogs are the most likely food for a child to choke on, marshmallows are also risky.

Yep, pointed this one out upthread. Marshmallows too, and popcorn is no1 very small children apparently- due to the fact that it’s so easy to inhale without chewing and lodge.