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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Scared about my involvement….

67 replies

Nocluegardener · 03/12/2025 08:19

So this is a random one, I have been chatting to a man online for a while now we get on great. Then out of the blue I got a message from another woman saying she was also talking to him. I didn’t really think a lot of it but I did ask him about it, he then admitted he knew her and yes they had been talking.

We werent serious so we kept on talking. Then I started getting weird number calls on my phone (withheld numbers) and then one day it was her number that called me (he saw it on my phone)

shes adamant she hasn’t done it at all to the point she’s now reported it on action fraud to the police and apparently there’s no transactions of this on her phone record. She’s reported it for spoofing and her Facebook being hacked.

I’m genuinely very confused but also scared as I don’t want the police turning up or calling about this I just want to forget it’s ever happened.

OP posts:
Linenpickle · 03/12/2025 08:25

A) she’s probably lying about reporting it to action fraud
B) this isn’t in their scope anyway as not fraud - actual or alleged
c) it would be malicious communications probably so a police matter
d) why are you scared when you’ve been the recipient of these calls
e) tread carefully with boyfriend as he hasnt been too honest so far and she’s annoyed
f) don’t be too naive

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 03/12/2025 08:27

How did she get your number? I would tread carefully, it sounds like this man is more involved with her than you’d like:

Original poster
Nocluegardener · 03/12/2025 08:28

Linenpickle · 03/12/2025 08:25

A) she’s probably lying about reporting it to action fraud
B) this isn’t in their scope anyway as not fraud - actual or alleged
c) it would be malicious communications probably so a police matter
d) why are you scared when you’ve been the recipient of these calls
e) tread carefully with boyfriend as he hasnt been too honest so far and she’s annoyed
f) don’t be too naive

Thank you, I’m worried that as I’m the common thing in both these problems that they are going to want to speak with me. I have insane anxiety. Also she definitely has reported it she sent him the emails.

OP posts:
Shayisgreat · 03/12/2025 08:30

Em, I think this would lead to me just ending it with the guy. The other woman involved is possibly crazy but I bet this guy is loving the drama and that's such a turn off.

Linenpickle · 03/12/2025 08:32

Why would the police even waste the time on this ….. if, like you say, she has no evidence. What’s the issue she is raising? Seriously….

BlueMum16 · 03/12/2025 08:33

Block her.

Tell him to talk to her about not contacting you.

If his other women continue to cause you stress you need to consider if he's worth it.

If it's as you have written you have done nothing wrong. Do not contact her further.

Original poster
Nocluegardener · 03/12/2025 08:38

But it’s all too weird because there is apparently no phone records of her contacting me. That’s why I’m worried it makes me look like I’m making it up and I’m not! How likely are action fraud going to contact me? Or the police? I have such severe anxiety I just don’t like it.

OP posts:
Swiftie1878 · 03/12/2025 08:38

You’re right to be worried.
I’d back off this guy. It’s not serious anyway, and only inviting drama into your life. This woman may be unhinged for all you know.
Get out.

Beautifulholiday · 03/12/2025 08:43

Are you in a relationship with him or just ‘talking?’ I wouldn’t bother tbh as it sounds messy.

Shayisgreat · 03/12/2025 08:44

Nocluegardener · 03/12/2025 08:38

But it’s all too weird because there is apparently no phone records of her contacting me. That’s why I’m worried it makes me look like I’m making it up and I’m not! How likely are action fraud going to contact me? Or the police? I have such severe anxiety I just don’t like it.

But what would they contact you about? Who have you been telling she called you? I don't understand what 'trouble' you think you'd be in.

Honestly, this guy doesn't sound worth the effect this is having on your MH. Just get rid of the whole lot.

cocoloco12 · 03/12/2025 08:44

How did she get your number?
If for some reason the police or action fraud did contact you you have the messages and phone logs on your phone? I don't for one second think they will not do I believe she genuinely contacted them.
What does he make of all this, surely he must agree this is odd behaviour.
Personally I'd bin him off. Whilst he is entitled to talk to several people at once, it usually doesn't end well in some shape or form....and given her behaviour it's going that way already.

JudgeBread · 03/12/2025 08:45

Nocluegardener · 03/12/2025 08:38

But it’s all too weird because there is apparently no phone records of her contacting me. That’s why I’m worried it makes me look like I’m making it up and I’m not! How likely are action fraud going to contact me? Or the police? I have such severe anxiety I just don’t like it.

Why would they? Do you think receiving a phone call is a criminal offence? Even if you were lying about the calls, that's not illegal or fraudulent either. There is literally zero reason the police or action fraud would be interested in you.

I'd bet my left tit she's lying anyway, she's probably trying to scare you off this guy.

HerVagestyTheQueef · 03/12/2025 08:45

She’s full of hot air. Of course she called you and is trying to squirm her way out of the consequences. The chances that a stranger somehow managed to use her phone and managed to call her apparent love rival is laughable.
She may have reported it (are you sure the emails are genuine?) but it’s not fraud and with no evidence no one is going to investigate anything. Stop worrying.

I’d dump and block the pair of them.

Dery · 03/12/2025 08:45

@Nocluegardener - you’re giving this woman, this bloke and this situation too much power. She is probably lying but if not Action Fraud won’t give a toss about this. The police almost certainly won’t either. You’ve done nothing wrong so if the police contact you just tell them what’s happened. Move away from this guy. Stop talking to him. He clearly brings trouble with him and isn’t worth it.

Linenpickle · 03/12/2025 08:46

Do you not get she’s lying most likely?

picture this. I cold call you. You ask if I did. I say no. You have my number on my screen. I say I have no record of calling you. I am clearly lying. If you fall for this shit that she is spouting, blimey… go on an assertiveness course or else you’re going to get scammed all your life.

Soberfutures · 03/12/2025 08:46

Walk away. Too much drama from them both. And if u had missed calls then they should still be on your call log then?

Britneyfan · 03/12/2025 08:47

Honestly I think both police and action fraud are going to be highly unlikely to be investigating this to the point of coming round and talking to you. It’s such low level stuff at this point and they have much more serious things they have to tackle. So try not to worry about that side of it. Worst case scenario if they do come to talk to you you’ll tell them the truth that you know nothing about this. The end. You’re definitely overworrying about this because of anxiety. Either she is a crazy stalker (not actually all that common in women despite the sexist trope of the “crazy” ex girlfriend). Or he’s not being upfront with you about the level of his involvement with her for her to have contacted you about this at least once (and anyone can report stuff to action fraud etc, you only have her word for it that there is no record of the call, she could be embarrassed about calling and trying to cover it up, knowing that action fraud probably aren’t going to do much anyway). I would be more inclined to suspect the latter TBH.

Wintersgirl · 03/12/2025 08:50

Linenpickle · 03/12/2025 08:32

Why would the police even waste the time on this ….. if, like you say, she has no evidence. What’s the issue she is raising? Seriously….

Yeah the police won't bother with this!

Dollymylove · 03/12/2025 08:58

What exactly is it you think you might be accused of?

OopOop · 03/12/2025 09:00

What crime do you think you have possibly committed OP?

BeaRightThere · 03/12/2025 09:02

No one is going to investigate this. She is almost certainly lying. In the unlikely event anyone did contact you, they would easily find out that you did in fact receive calls. I wouldn't give this any headspace. Block her on everything and forget about it.

Original poster
Nocluegardener · 03/12/2025 09:10

It’s the fact that her call logs and itemised phone bill says she’s not done it!! It’s too weird and it makes me look like I’m lying.

OP posts:
OopOop · 03/12/2025 09:13

Nocluegardener · 03/12/2025 09:10

It’s the fact that her call logs and itemised phone bill says she’s not done it!! It’s too weird and it makes me look like I’m lying.

But so what? What do you think the police are going to do about it? They barely have time to investigate actual crimes.

Swiftie1878 · 03/12/2025 09:13

Nocluegardener · 03/12/2025 09:10

It’s the fact that her call logs and itemised phone bill says she’s not done it!! It’s too weird and it makes me look like I’m lying.

Could the calls have been through an app rather than her phone? WhatsApp for example?

SilverPink · 03/12/2025 09:16

OopOop · 03/12/2025 09:13

But so what? What do you think the police are going to do about it? They barely have time to investigate actual crimes.

Show quote history

This. You can be burgled or assaulted and it takes the police a week to bother coming round. Action Fraud are interested in real fraud, not two women’s random phone calls.

Id also be sacking off the guy, he’s not worth the hassle, and clearly isn’t good for your mental health.

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