Did your mum stop cooking when your dad left?

[Staybymw]

I don’t mean full stop but like home made dinners.

I remember when my step dad left (my mum asked him to)after a few months my mum stopped cooking home made meals and we would have a frozen ready meal or a pot noodle, something like that.

I didn’t notice it at the time and quite liked having the option to pick which ready meal to have. But cooking back I do think I missed the family meal vibe I also can’t remember what her roast dinner tastes like anymore.

I’ve only just remembered this as my MIL is doing similar now that she is no longer married. She will make a big pot of lentils and it will last her a few days. She seems quite happy with it.

Chicken Findus pies and oven chips or frozen pizza, for years. It wasn't much better before, but there was more variety and some fresh stuff.

She made herself a sort of kedgerie which just seemed to stay there forever.

if my OH left i would probably just eat crisps.

I used to cook proper family meals - fish pie, lasagne, chicken casserole - every night when my kids were at home.
Now it’s just my husband and me I cook maybe 3-4 proper meals a week and we have ready meals the rest.
If my husband died I’d make myself jacket potatoes, omelettes and salads. I’d pick up M&S salads and sometimes have porridge for dinner. I’d only make a proper meal if my kids were home or I was entertaining.

It was donkeys years ago but I do remember being able to pick which findus pancake to have for dinner! And followed by a supermousse!

My brother and I both remember an awful lot of crispy pancakes after my dad left. Can't remember what we had with them though - it's decades ago and I don't think oven chips had been invented then.

We crossed with the findus pancakes!

I meant Findus pancakes of course! Couldn't remember the name!

I went through a spell initially of buying ready meals like pizzas etc until my teenagers rebelled and asked for 'proper' meals, so I did go back to cooking with the occasional pizza etc meal. I know you can make your own pizza but I didn't have the space in my brain to go that route! It worked itself out. My dd went to uni to study Food technology and used to make amazing meals when she came home. My ds eventually became vegetarian and cooks fabulous veggie meals too.

My dad died last year. Mum is loving not having to cook for a fussy old man after 60 years of it, so yes, I have noticed it. She is very happy with much simpler options and eating what she likes instead of what he did. I suspect this is very common in 'traditional' households where all the drudgery is on the woman to think of what to cook, buy the food and prepare it.

I know that when I am on my own, I don't bother cooking properly. I graze on whatever is quick and easy. It is one of the things I miss about solo living, and that is with a husband who does his share.

I can imagine there’s lot of joy for people who had to cook dinner for years, to be ‘allowed’ to stop

Yes, this. Also little pizzas from the freezer. And once M&S started ready meals, that was it! She was widowed young and left with 4 kids….and while she could cook well, very well, she just couldn’t be arsed.

Tbf I cook homemade meals most nights (DH also cooks) and I’ve often pondered whether I’d bother if I was on my own (and how much slimmer I’d be).

I would cook, but I’d make simple things that would last me a few days to save daily cooking. Eating the same thing a few days running wouldn’t bother me at all.

In fairness to my mum, however, I would have to say that my dad left her for her best friend who was also her colleague at work. So, not only did she have to cope with being blindsided by my dad's departure, she also lost her 'friend' and had to find another job because she didn't feel she could go on working alongside her.

Meanwhile, we were two completely self-centred teens who couldn't see any of this until years later. With hindsight, it's a miracle she managed to find the wherewithall to keep us supplied with crispy pancakes!

Imagine cooking for other people's tastes and wants and not your own, all your life. Urgh. I'm glad I've never been like that.

I wish women were more for themselves. Good for all these women who were finally free and lived as they wished. How liberating it must have felt.

My grandmother in law cooks meat and 2 veg every day because her husband doesn't like anything else. Imagine loving pasta, curry and Chinese food, but not being "allowed" to eat it.

Fuck. That.

My parents never separated but when I split up with DD’s dad I actually cooked much more.

Partly because DD’s dad was a great cook so I had to lean in a bit when he moved out. But also because I enjoyed being at home so much more after he left.

Urgh. I would divorce a man who only wanted meat and two veg.

I guess if your mum does do this, it can give a good indication of what it was like to be your fathers wife, and it isn’t a good look for him!

when i got divorced, i didn’t do this, but then my exhusband never demanded/expected a dinner, so there was no ‘need’ for me mentally to do this.

my mum, however, after 40 years of expectation to provide a proper dinner, (despite working full time herself), now single and revels in having just a sandwich at 4pm!

After my father in law died, my mother in law rejoiced in being able to pick her own food after 61 years! We were amazed when she told us she was having a lasagne for dinner on a Wednesday as she'd had pork pie every Wednesday for 60 years and doesn't even like it! She started going to Aldi and trying all new foods. They only used to go to Tesco's and only on a Thursday morning. All very strange and we'd had no idea of how regimented everything had become.

I have been cooking meals for other people (which means to their taste, not mine) almost every bloody day for well over 50 years. I did cook proper meals for my kids when I was a single mum, but honestly, if I was on my own, I'd probably do just one or two really nice meals in a week and the rest of the time live on soup and toast! Sounds wonderful.

She kept cooking, and exactly the same amount, but now shared between fewer people. Bigger portions

No my mum was a single parent who only cooked home made food, we rarely had frozen food or ready meals

No the opposite. My Dad did all the cooking so when he left, my Mum had to start. If she didn’t have kids, I’m sure she’d live on toast and jacket potatoes, but she did cook for us every day including when my sister went vegetarian (must have been so annoying for her!). We might have pizza or something on a Friday but otherwise home cooked meals (nothing fancy)

Now I’m single, and it’ll be even more apparent once my kids have left home, it’s been interesting to see what I have chosen to do & eat when I have no one else to think about. My guess is the difference is huge for women. Men too but not through choice, but laziness.

Poor mum was probably in survival mode be thankful you were fed. And I don't mean this in a harsh way.

Maybe she had too much to do to cook. 4 kids on your own is a lot. Did she work?

Never been in that position so can’t answer! But from my own perspective, I k ow I’ve always said it i ever lived alone I’d likely cook myself a full roast dinner every day of the week so I cannot imagine me ever not cooking a proper dinner.

I imagine in some cases there could have been depression for the mum?