Did your mum stop cooking when your dad left?

[Staybymw]

I don’t mean full stop but like home made dinners.

I remember when my step dad left (my mum asked him to)after a few months my mum stopped cooking home made meals and we would have a frozen ready meal or a pot noodle, something like that.

I didn’t notice it at the time and quite liked having the option to pick which ready meal to have. But cooking back I do think I missed the family meal vibe I also can’t remember what her roast dinner tastes like anymore.

I’ve only just remembered this as my MIL is doing similar now that she is no longer married. She will make a big pot of lentils and it will last her a few days. She seems quite happy with it.

Single, no kids, but definitely lost the joy in cooking to an extent post breakup. I want to share the food and the drudgery of having to decide every night with no payback other than my own enjoyment. Meh. We split the cooking and were both good cooks so it's not about being freed from having to look after him every night. It's that a meal is more pleasurable if it's a shared, appreciated meal.

When my XH went I got completely and totally fed up with feeding five kids who all had different likes and dislikes, plus we had no money at all. So there was a lot of pizza, oven chips, turkey twizzlers etc because those were the foods that the majority would eat. I still liked cooking and baking but there just wasn't the cash to indulge in it.

Now I live alone and I only eat once a day in the evening. Sometimes I cook, sometimes I eat beans on toast, it depends how I feel. But not having that horrible mental load of planning meals for a week is wonderful!

My husband hasn’t left but (due to his very restricted diet) we usually eat separately, and have done for years. We eat together at weekends, when I cook something that we will both eat, and when the (adult) children come home, but usually I just look after myself.

In general I still cook proper meals, but I can’t be bothered to do it every day, so it’s often something like a risotto or pasta that I can eat two or three days running. I often eat fish, but I might sometimes do something very simple like an omelette or even just a baked potato with tuna and cheese. I very rarely buy ready meals.

This is an abiding memory of mine, she said there was "no point" cooking Christmas dinner once he left. Despite having 3 teenage dc's who absolutely would have helped out, and also not having the happiest of marriages to put it mildly
She was/is a good cook but just didn't bother at all any longer. 30 years on, not much has changed.

I think if you've been the one making most meals for years it might be nice to stop.

She was probably depressed and facing a sudden increase in strain on her finances. It's not surprising at all.

Also, people talk about the joy of home cooked meals, but they're often a lot of drudgery to prepare, and then the kids are ungrateful and pick at them anyway. I can see why it's not high up the list of priorities for newly-divorced mums tbh

If I were on my own I would cook completely different meals to what I make now. I would be able to only make things I like, which are quite different to what DP likes - currently we have a fairly limited amount of dishes everyone in the house will eat. DP likes spicy, tomato-y, beany dinners. I like creamy, onion/mushroomy, root vegetabley dinners. I definitely wouldn't cook proper dinner every day - I would batch cook and otherwise live on things on toast. Ready meals may well feature occasionally.

I hate having to cook dinner - I like cooking when I'm in the mood, but having to cook every day is dullsville.

My kids eat simply like me so if DH dropped dead tomorrow we’d be quite happy with roasted meats / simple pastas / salads / soup.

This is me now, since I got divorced I don't really cook as such, I prepare very simple meals Iike pasta, soup, baked beans and oven stuff like chicken tenders. I steam carrots and brocolli on the side.

I actually think it's healthier as the portions are smaller. Also I rarely buy take away now, because there's never "no time to cook" when there's an option of canned beans (takes a second to open the can).

My parents are still together but when I got divorced and DC was small so got fed at nursery, I would usually have something simple like beans on toast for dinner. It was, as said upthread, a relief as my ex was very much a 'meat 2 veg, home cooked meal every night no exception', and I was exhausted from my FT job. I think this is true for a lot of women.

Things are different now DC is a teen and we eat together, but I expect I'll go back to simple meals once I'm living alone.

If my husband died, I would stop cooking immediately. He cooks more often than I do now, but, honestly, having to think about and provide actual meals is a pain.

I don’t really recall my mum ever cooking much. I mean, she did make meals on occasion, but she didn’t cook. It was like ready meals, heating stuff up, stuff from tins and packets. She has never cooked a stew in her life. We never had a Christmas lunch at home. I ate most meals at my grandparents until I was old enough to cook myself. We otherwise ate out or got a takeaway. We had a Chinese for Christmas for so long that now I have Chinese for Christmas Eve with my dc because it’s tradition for me.

But I imagine there is something freeing in not having to cook a big family meal that no one even appreciates. If it’s just me at home, I do cook, but that’s because I enjoy it.

My parents divorced before I’m old enough to have a memory of them being married. However mother was a rubbish cook anyway (fish fingers, chips etc) up until the 2010s (I was born 2001) when she brought a laptop and became obsessed with making her own stews she found recipes for online

It’s interesting that a few people have called it ‘depression’ to stop cooking. I would argue the complete opposite! ‘Joy’ of being able to finally cook what you actually want!

No, she always cooked for me and my brother when we were home even though we were in our early 20's when they divorced and mostly lived away from home.

Now that she lives completely alone she'll often have picky bits or whatever rather than cooking. I get that though, sometimes it feels like a lot of effort to cook just for oneself. DH and I have a far more equal share of domestic responsibilities than my parents did, but for both of us if the other one and kids aren't home we probably aren't going to cook.

Maybe she doesn't like stew?

My parents didn’t split but I split with my exh and I continued to cook homemade dinners as I always had. But the nights they were at their dads and it was just me I had toast.

If DH left or died I would continue to cook our usual dinners, roasts, curries, bolognese etc for our teenagers. If it was just me on my own, no cooking , be happy with a sandwich.

My dad moved abroad for work when I was a teen, and my mum stayed behind. When he lived with us we had a range of proper meals cooked from scratch ( my mum is an excellent cook.) when he moved away We had a LOT of breaded chicken or fish with boiled potatoes and peas. It was very noticeable.

Also my mum ( who had a flexible contractor type role), stopped working. She used to work probably 2 days a week, but when my dad moved and he increased her ‘house keeping’, she stopped working altogether, on the quiet. After I had finished my exams, she went out to join him, and I discovered years later that he compensated her for not being able to do her job abroad, and he probably wasn’t aware that she had silently quit 2 years before. I didn’t join up all the dots for a long time.

This thread is making me so sad. I cook for my children, not my husband!

I think that's really harsh on your mother.

I was widowed. You have no idea what it takes to keep on getting up and make sure DC are clothed, fed, etc. The emotional burden of suddenly being all they have. It's much harder than "just" the amount of physical work required.

And then you hold things together enough to make the effort to have a homecooked family dinner, and they either announce they're not hungry, refuse to eat it or can't wait to get down from the table.

When I became a lone parent I carried on doing a cooked dinner every night. Once my DCs grew up and moved out I've got a lot bit more lax. I still batch-cook stews, chilli, pasta sauces etc and put them in the freezer but quite often I can't really be arsed and so end up have scrambled egg on toast, a jacket potato or just whatever I can find in the fridge plus some salad.

When I became a single mum I cooked for the kids but nothing fancy like I used to do

Isn't it so bizarre how naturally women fall into this, usually without even being asked. When I was married it was my natural inclination. I'm divorced now and really enjoy cooking whatever the fuck I like for me and DC. No ready meal shit here, I've gone the opposite way and do full elaborate meals. DC loves my cooking and I always make sure I give myself a little twist to dishes that Ex H would have turned his nose up at.

Because your kids didn't like fancy food?