Who is in the wrong?

[chazabella]

Couple been together for 15 years and 2 kids (3&7) parent one works full time, parent two is a stay at home.

Parent 2 picked up oldest from school (have to walk due to broken down car otherwise both parents do pick up).

About 5 parent 1 said we need to sort tea ( parent 1 usually cooks tea but needed to do a food shop but not had chance). Parent 2 agreed but then carried on with a game with oldest. Parent 1 waiting an hour and youngest was asking to play upstairs with parent 1 being there.

Parent 1 agreed as had washing to put away, then ended up on 2 phone calls. (Step mum and mum about things this week) parent 2 came up and said we need to sort yeah any ideas. Parent 1 said one min just need to do this call, once finished parent 1 text the other to say finished for them to come up and talk. 20 mins later parent 2 came up. Parent 1 asked parent 2 to pick and do the order so parent 1 can finish putting 2 kids and their washing away.

Parent 2 placed the order (asda uber order) and has ordered a bunch of food parent 1 doesn't like (hasn't like this brand for 15 years they have been together).

Parent 1 said they where not hungry which has lead to a massive argument. Parent 2 asked why did parent 1 say we need to sort tea to which parent 1 explained there was still 2 children that needed to be fed even if they where not having food.

Parent 2 then accused parent 1 of setting them up for failure (by asking them to do the order), throwing past stuff in their face (once put food parent 1 didnt like in food and it was noticed and parent 1 wouldn't eat it) and calling them a picky eater (the brand was Asda own pasta sauce but happy with any other pasta sauce just can't it that one). Parent 1 said they expected more from them and after 15 years they should be able to order for the family knowing what each other like just as parent 1 does for parent 2. Parent 2 then shouted that they where not talking to parent 1 again.

Parent 1 and 2 put oldest to bed, youngest had already fallen asleep. Parent 1 waited on the sofa for parent 2 to talk but they refused and walked out. Parent 1 went to bed and text to say they will sleep in another room because of how upset they where over the argument. Parent 1 didnt fall asleep parent 2 went to bed and didnt responded to parent 1.

Parent 1 tried to walk them up to try and talk and turned into another argument.

Who is in the wrong

I believe parent 2 is in the wrong but so is parent 1 for sending the text. But parent 2 wont accept responsibility

Why couldn't/didnt parent 1 do the shop in the hour that parent 2 was entertaining the kids?

First post nails it.

If parent 1 usually does dinner, what were they waiting on parent 2 for?

Amd waking someone up to carry on an argument is pathetic! My ex used to do this.

There must be much deeper issues in the relationship, because this is a crazy amount of drama over what to eat for dinner.

Parent 2 was paying for it on their card (separate finances) and parent 1 trying to deal with the demands from a 3 year old, where as parent 2 was just playing a computer game with oldest that they could pause and oldest still carry on playing

There 100% is a lot off issues and resentment from both sides parent one wishes they could spend more time with you gest during the days they are at home, parent 2 wishes they got more time away from the kids. Parent 1 wfh full time and on lunch breaks takes over youngest to give parent 2 a break and also soon as finishes work at 3 30 takes over care for both children

So parent 1 couldn't have either paid for it and sorted it later or asked for said bank card??

No parent 1 has no money (due to bills and a broken down car) and money 1 had to be moved from one account to another from parent 2 and it was originally asked which card but that was ignored otherwise parent 1 would of just ordered

Quite frankly both of you sound like shit parents and should be ashamed of yourselves. According to your timeline neither child had eaten before 7pm at the earliest, if indeed they eat at all, as that was unclear. If parent 1 needed parent 2 to pay why did they wait an hour before doing the food order? They could have done it at 5 and just asked parent 2 to pay then. Neither of you prioritised feeding the kids. Those poor children being exposed to this shit show.

Sorry I'm too lazy too read all that. 😂 Sounds like unnecessary drama.

You seem to have very poor communication and I hope the DC aren't aware of the tension between you.

What to eat should have been the very first thing sorted when you got home. Whoever usually does the cooking/shopping should have decided what was needed and the other paid for it as needed.

Poor bloody kids.

Sounds like silly beggars all round

How do you know this didnt all happen when parent 1 finished work at 3.30 (which happened) youngest had tea in that space as they have suspected afrid and only eat certain food and we have that in stock all the time. And fyi oldest was fed bathed and in bed by their 8pm bedtime and had they afterscool sandwich and treat so wasnt satving

Couldn’t make head nor tail of it. Sounds like a lot of drama over who is making dinner

Definitely poor communication today, parent 1 had a shit day at work, and parent 2 had youngest during the day. No argument in front of the children (pet peve of parent 1 and will hold it in another part of the house) both acted normal in front of the children.

It sounds like you did set parent 2 up to fail because you felt resentful that they didn't stop playing the game and help with the food shop.

Parent 2 possibly has a different interpretation of the reasons that you were angry. Did either of you communicate openly? Your op is dripping with passive aggression and anyone that wakes another person up to continue a row is probably massively unreasonable, but if there is a long history of parent 2 failing to contribute to small chores then that could go some way to explaining how you ended up here.

Fucking hell my eyes hurt from reading all the details 😫
Do you not have freezer bits in for emergencies such as this to sort the kids? Like nuggets, waffles fish, chips and veg? 🤔 if not then get them in, in case you're caught short again next time.
If person 1 normally does the cooking, why are they waiting for person 2?
It sounds like it could have all been avoided, if you had back up bits in the freezer (or even some frozen bread and a tin of beans for beans on toast).
Some decent communication wouldn't go amiss either. 🤦‍♀️

Edited to add: As for the waking someone up to talk about it all again, nah, that sounds like someone wanting the last word bollocks (like one of my exs) sack that off. 👎
@chazabella

TBF, you said all this started at about 5, with an hour's wait for parent 2 to stop playing the game, phone calls that were ongoing at that point, and another 20 minutes before parent 2 came up to help with the food shop then placing and waiting for the order. And the reason you originally gave for the urgency was that the children needed feeding which was part of the reason for a massive argument. 🤷

Acted normal in front of children? Not a chance. Kids pick up in the tension, they know.

All sounds ridiculously over complicated
Separate finances when one is a SAHP? Arguing over particular brands of food? Not making dinner for anyone because you're bickering too much about nonsense? Texting while in the same house and flouncing and ignoring?
We know you're parent 1. This is all so unutterably childish. Frankly I'd put child 1 in charge, they'd probably do a better job.

I would not wake someone up to discuss this.

Sounds like parent one was overtired and making a fuss that could easily be avoided.

You probably need to have a big hug and say "I'm sorry, let's make peace/make up".

"I don't want to win the fight, I just want to make it right"-kd lang

Both sound as bad as each other and there is no normal in front of children how many of us remember our own parents?

You’re kidding yourself that your primary aged child doesn’t know.

You’re both wrong and clearly don’t like each other very much.

Whine whine whine @chazabella !
no money, car broken down, caring for your own 3 yr old blah blah blah.
Have a damn meal ready at 5 not a huge task, beans on toast! Of course there’s arfid in the picture so even more important to be organized.
Zero sympathy from me and if I went to bed both hungry and mad, you have better not wake me to continue your drama.
Sounds like you’re entering divorce territory.

Parent 1 sounds like a petty, passive aggressive nightmare.

Who kicks up this much of a stink over own brand sauce? What a fucking baby. And why say "we need to sort tea", a job they usually do, but then not just fucking get on and sort it, why wait around for parent 2? And waking someone up to continue an argument is teenager behaviour.

This sounds like two sixteen year olds playing house. Feel sorry for the kids mixed up in this childish ass relationship.

Blimey. Both parents sound very young & disorganised. Parent 1 should have prioritised sorting dinner over calls and laundry. Omelettes & beans could have been whipped up for the kids in under 5 mins.

Too much drama and heaviness like that will negatively affect the kids’ behaviour. I would advise the parents to keep life lighter.

Whichever parent you are is being unreasonable for using the word parent as 87% of your post