To stop driving because I’ve got The Fear

[AlwaysSunshine1]

I’m looking for some perspective on something that’s been ongoing for a while. I passed my driving test about 18 months ago after a lot of lessons, and I’m a decent driver. I’ve handled difficult situations fine, passed on my second attempt (and was told I was very close on my first). The problem isn’t my ability — it’s the anxiety around it.

The anticipation of driving can make me feel wound up for days before I need to get in the car, and that spills over into the rest of my week. Once I’m actually driving I’m OK, but the build-up is horrible.

I’ve tried to tackle it through CBT, hypnotherapy and a specific phobia course. They’ve all helped in understanding the fear, but not in removing it.

A year ago I bought my own car, thinking that might help, rather than sharing one with my DP. Right now I manage one school pick-up a week and very little beyond that. My partner does most of the driving — he’s supportive and doesn’t pressure me — and I make sure things are balanced in other areas. Still, it would obviously be helpful if I felt able to drive more.

I spoke to my GP who suggested I get a bus pass! He said we can review things in January, possibly looking at anti-anxiety medication if needed.

I can’t justify the cost of running a car I barely use. At the same time, I’d like the freedom that comes with driving and to take some pressure off my partner. But the constant anticipation anxiety is making me miserable and nothing seems to be shifting it.

AIBU to stop driving completely? Or is it worth pushing on even though 18 months later, I’m still in the same place? I’d love to hear from anyone who has overcome driving fear and how they managed it!

You're not doing it enough. Time to find a reason to drive every day.

I'm fine with driving, phone calls are my thing I dread. Literally can ruin my day.

And yet, when my Mum died and I had to make a mountain of them to sort her estate, they got easier and easier. That was years ago, and no they're infrequent I get spectacularly anxious about them again.

Do the thing, do it every day and it stops becoming a thing. You can't stop yourself from being scared of something. You can make yourself do it despite the fear. So do it.

Giving up driving is absolutely the wrong thing to do. It was driving more that got me over my fear of driving.

This is interesting. The video seems very technical. I will ask my GP I think. Thank you

The type of vertigo is called BPPV

www.nhslanarkshire.scot.nhs.uk/services/physiotherapy/vestibular-physiotherapy/benign-paroxysmal-positional-vertigo-bppv/#:~:text=BPPV%20is%20an%20inner%20ear,in%20bed%20and%20looking%20up.

I was getting a feeling of panic with an out of body feeling - horrifying on a motorway

Drive more often the more you do it the less anxious you’ll be. Once a week is not enough to build up your confidence

Honestly, I would echo the advice to drive little and often and build your confidence gradually.

Start just round a mile circuit of quiet streets, low speed limits. Do the circuit once, then maybe when you start to feel a bit more comfortable, go round it twice. When you've cracked being ok being in the car for longer, try extending the route a bit. Go from a 1-2 mile route that's just 20mph residential streets to 2-3 miles including a bit of 30mph street. Same thing again - do it once until you feel you've mastered it, then do it twice. Step up again from there.

Some people find it helpful to narrate their drive - I do this when I feel anxious driving on motorways or at night. I talk out loud to myself, say what I'm doing and what I'm watching for in my mirrors etc. Sounds mad, but it helps keep you focused and grounded. You can't think so much about the anxiety when you're talking out loud either.

You just have to drive more, starting in low stress predictable routes that you do every day. Drive to the shops daily. You must do it EVERY DAY. That's how I overcame my fear of driving. I then built up to going further out. I still avoid motorways but otherwise now drive an average of 25km per day, sometimes more and I love driving.