To think stepparents should not be financially responsible for other people's children?

[Mrsnothingthanks]

That's just it really. I'm married. My husband is only financially responsible for our daughter, not my other children. Why should he be? Not his kids!
Surprises me on MN that others think stepparents should assume financial responsibility for kids that aren't theirs!

@BrokenWingsCantFly I still dont think is quite right - it is based solely on earnings. There is no financial link or responsibility for stepchildren re CMS. Spousal Maintenance is different.

Ive screenshot the parliament paragraph but will need to be approved as a pic.

Very clearly states

Allowances are applicable if the non-resident has other children living within their household.

I dont agree with it.....my ex got his payments reduced because he had a foster child!!! A child they were being paid to care for.

@CombatBarbie Even if the children are not biologically theirs? I've never received any CMS so don't know the rules for sure.

If you marry someone with kids they come as a package deal 😊 if you don't want the financial responsibility don't get with a parent ❤️

Yup even if the child is no blood relation!!! See my comment above about my ex being reassessed due to a foster child.

@Missey85 I wouldn't want my husband to take financial responsibility for my bio children - that's on me.

It is right. The link the PP put up shows it is right. I experienced this in the past too when my ex moved pretty much straight in with a new child following our break up. They have it clear on the calculation. Something along the lines of what is owned for 1 child based on an income of xxxx, followed by reduction for the child he was living with. Same as with student loans. If someone lives with a child they are seen as now financially responsible for providing towards the household.

If the paying parent now lives with 2 children then they don't leave that house short so he can pay out the max to his actual children. Doesn't seem very fare leaving the bio child short, but at the same time they can't leave the children he loves with at risk of poverty either so they apply the blanket reduction for having extra costs of living with children.

And yes I know that the receiving parents new partners income will not be calculated in what she is to recieve. Her income isn't either. If she was a millionaire and he was on minimum wage he would still have to pay the same as he would if she was on benefits. CMS don't consider the hoyse receiving the maintenance at all, only the paying house

@BrokenWingsCantFly Apparently it's not reduced by much? Hope that's true because it doesn't seem fair.

I can't remember how much it was for me, but it reduces and reduces further the more kids that they live with.

Can see why they do it on one hand. For example if the man moves in with a woman on benefits like my ex did, then the woman he moved in with would have had less in benefits as his income would be combined in her claim, so couldn't leave her kid starve to find mine. But I mostly think it is wrong, as it isn't the bio childs fault that dad moved in with new kids. And the examples from other posters above where both the exes houses were receiving money from elsewhere for the kids they live with anyway, so the exes had a double win there

Well I am very proud to say my son has never treated his technical step although now adopted daughter .she was just a baby really when she came into her lives .I would be horrified if it was as you say you buy presents for your bio children does your hubby seriously not contribute to presents. and even shopping you contribute more .sorry thats not a family .that's you three all the time and another 2 some of the time certainly not one family.dont kid yourself your sons won't feel it because they will children always do

@Fedupmumofadultsons My sons have a bio father who (rightly) sees it as his responsibility - jointly of course with me - so all is good. My ex nor I would expect it of my husband as their stepdad.

If you don’t want to be responsible for children, don’t marry their parents!!! It’s not too tricky to understand!

Husband’s family was ripped apart when he was a child by his father shacking up with a woman he worked with. Together, they treated original children as less than their subsequent children (it was very bad, holidays for new kids, not for previous, paid for weddings for the new ones, nothing for the weddings of the original kids- not even a wedding gift!) and as such, not many of the original children have contact. He hasn’t met most of his grandchildren. Sad state of affairs just because of his poor life choices….Truth be told, I do wonder if the siblings who went no contact were clever, such a poor example of a grandad, maybe better off without!
Either way, it’s not good taste to play ‘his and mine’ when it comes to children. It will often turn out badly, even if it takes a few years!

Well one of the "bio parents" of my DSC is asleep in our bed right now. Again, he and I are jointly responsible for the family we actively chose to create. I don't consider my decision to become a step-parent to be materially different than my choice to get pregnant or to adopt in this regard; I, an adult, consciously chose to bring these children into my life and family and thus to take responsibility for providing a home and secure, happy upbringing for them. If I didn't want to be responsible for children I didn't give birth to then I simply wouldn't have married someone who already had kids.

My DSC's mum also provides a wonderful home for them, because they're not a hot potato everyone is trying to dump into someone else's lap.

Or the reverse like my stepmother: marry a widow, be horrible to his child, pocket the estate when he dies.

I think it’s bad for kids to live in a house with parent figure adults who don’t actively, affectionately and generously care for them, it’s harder for these kids to develop secure relationships themselves because they haven’t had that security of attachment.

Left the country so he didn’t have to pay any child support.

This is my opinion too and it's also the reason I wouldn't ever have a relationship with a man with children.... because I wouldn't want to look after any other children but my own 😅

I would never ever want to be a step parent because I wouldn't want to do the childcare ect for a child that wasn't mine. But I do think if you choose to be a step parent you should help provide/look after the child you choose to share a home with.

I'm glad my step dad doesn't think like you, I can only imagine how hurt childhood me would of been if he hadn't provided for us like his did the sibling he had with my mum after 8 years of being together. I can imagine my little face now 😅. Thankfully he was a decent man and treated all 3 of the children he wasn't related to, exactly like his biological child

I think your just trying to justify it to yourself because deep down you know your partner isn't a decent man

@Mrsnothingthanks - you come across as smug and patronising.
I don't think it's the norm with blended families to be so anal with finances. You obviously earn enough to cover your own DC expenses, but what if you weren't? I thought the whole point of 'blending' families was to share responsibility, why else do it. If you lost your inheritance, job, got ill - I'm sure your presumed rich ex would help you and new partner out. Go you.
And no, none of this applies to me but I'm stunned anyone would start such a post.

I agree wholeheartedly. It's incredibly important to me that my DSC know that I actively want to be in their lives as a parent and that they weren't just some baggage that I was willing to work around in order to marry their dad. And I think that risk of damage is also compounded when the newly formed couple go on to have additional children together. How could my DSC possibly not feel like they're second-tier, semi-outsiders in our family if I prioritized their younger siblings while treating them as "other people's" children (to use OP's words)? My DH and I provide equally for all of the children we've brought into the family we chose to form because I would never be ok with any child in my home feeling that way.

She's just trying to convince herself her situation is normal. It's not. I'd be embaresed to admit that the man I married didn't look after all of my children equally. Clearly finances are not equal in the relationship either if this is the set up. None of it sounds like a nice situation and there must be an impact on the children

So you have no complaint about your own situation, you just ... don't like it that other people who you don't know have apparently chosen to do things differently, or might have so chosen, in circumstances you admit you don't understand?

If so, then classic unambiguous YABU.

If not, then you need to explain what you're asking a whole magnitude of order better.

I mean, you’re not somebody he met in the street, you’re married to him, correct? I couldn’t do it, that’s for sure.

It's a very personal thing, unique to the couple involved. It's up to the step parent to decide what they do with their money. But yes of course, there shouldn't be an expectation, that's a given. If the couple haven't had the conversation in advance of making the commitment to be together, more fool them,

Yet another reason why blending families doesn't work.