To think stepparents should not be financially responsible for other people's children?

[Mrsnothingthanks]

That's just it really. I'm married. My husband is only financially responsible for our daughter, not my other children. Why should he be? Not his kids!
Surprises me on MN that others think stepparents should assume financial responsibility for kids that aren't theirs!

@Ireallycantthinkofagoodone Yes I do totally respect that re a parent passing away. But most children (luckily) do have two living bio parents. If parent is absent that is not fault of the stepparent - they should not have to bridge that gap as it were.

I agree with you.

The financial responsibilities lay with the parent, not stepparent UNLESS this was discussed and agreed beforehand.

It's a lot easier and clear cut if all adults are financially stable and emotionally and financially involved, not so much for those without this security or reliant on benefit support.

It’s not so cut and dried though. Couple share a home, there are bills to pay. Is any decent person going to insist a poorer partner racks up debt or eats different food from them or doesn’t join them on holiday or generally lives a completely different lifestyle because they have children to support, with the detrimental effect that often has on earning capacity?

@CombatBarbie I've never had maintenance as my ex-husband and I comparent. As a mum I work to provide for my own kids - I don't expect anyone else to do that on my behalf.

@Vespanest Also agree.

It’s difficult, isn’t it?

Because it’s a household and a family. So naturally there’ll be financial sharing.

But equally I don’t think it’s a hard and fast rule that they have to be responsible as such - too many variables to say completely yes or no.

I’m not a step parent though and I don’t have a partner who is one to my children, so I haven’t tried to work out this sort of a household budget.

Isnt it based on household income. Regardless of how individuals set up their finances.

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing It isn't easy. But for me, the financial responsibility is ultimately mine. I work six days a week to bring in enough, but would not have this expectation of my husband.

Fortunately, my second husband didn’t take that view. He stepped up as the most perfect Dad to all the children in our household, in every way.

Why concern yourself with the finances and dynamics of other people’s families op?

@Ireallycantthinkofagoodone Where is bio dad?

Your situation is what I would say "not the normal" as you are coparenting and meet your child's needs.

I meet the needs for my kids, but if I met someone and we married/moved in together I would lose my UC and council tax relief so I would be financially worse off. If said man loved me and wanted to be a family unit, he would have to contribute towards my shortfall which is essentially the money I need to feed, cloth and house my kids? I am all for financial independence etc but I shouldnt be worse off as a result.

Not everything is black and white.

@CombatBarbie Surely you wouldn't be worse off if both of you were working? Assuming your UC tops you up?

This is really “why aren’t all women as splendid as me?”, isn’t it?

@HeddaGarbled Not at all - but do I think bio parents should be financially responsible for the kids they choose to have? Yes.

Which is why it’s important to make sure you’re on the same financial page with any prospective partner/spouse, because it isn’t something that can be taken as a given. Like I said, it’s very common for blended families to not join finances for this very reason.

Marrying someone doesn’t actually mean that all finances must be joint, or all responsibilities shared. This isn’t just true for blended families, either.

But your post is about financially supporting step children. So how does he make up the shortfall Im being penalised for if hes not financially contributing to my kids? See where Im going?

Im not getting into my financial situation as its boring and complex but £1500 a month is alot to lose. There's posters on here declaring a dhs 70k jobs and still get a UC top up.

Surely it depends on the whole set up of the marriage? In my marriage, I work part-time and my husband works full time. I do the lion's share of the housework and childcare, he earns more (his hourly wage is a lot more than mine too). If he'd had previous children he would technically be able to provide for them out of his wage exclusively, me not so much. Would that mean that we would have had to have a situation where we both worked full time, because he couldn't fund my kids? But then that would have meant childcare costs for our joint children that we don't have now because I don't work everyday, so that would have cost us both more overall. Also even if the funds for the children come out of just their biological parents' wage, that will affect how much that parent is able to put to joint kids. I don't think there can be a hard and fast rule because every situation is different!

Student loan company don't agree.
I sort of agree, but don't begrudge the money I spent on my SC. In an ideal world parents would be able to support their kids but life isn't always that simple.
I think it's one of those things that you reap what you sow. My DH appreciated what I brought to our family and I have a good relationship with my SC and they're close to my DD. That's worth a lot.

My DP doesn’t have any biological children of his own but he is an amazing parent to my two children. I know that being a step parent isn’t an easy task. I’ve been there and it’s tricky even at the best of times.

DP steps up for DC in ways I’d never expect or ask him to. He does it because he loves us and wants what’s best for me and for them. That’s what family is. Not a pedantically managed spreadsheet but love, respect and a shared concern for everyone’s best interests.

And laboured to the extent of being boring, to be honest

@ClareBlue Constructive comment right there. Who's forcing you to read this thread?

<Surely you should take financial responsibility for your children as their mother?>

That is what motherhood is! Men come and go and you're lucky if they pay for their kids. Many don't, as you can testify on here every day.

@suburberphobe Which is exactly why is important both parents work to provide.