A quarter of kids live in single parent families

[AdventAnnie]

One in four kids live in single-parent families today compared to 1 in 20 when I was born in the 70s.

Surely the priority to fund the cost of the benefits system and the affordable housing crisis, is to make both parents contribute much more to the cost of raising their children? Family breakdown tends to impoverish both parents to some degree, but so many absent dads in particular seem to get away with it.

What do you all think - if we could make these men pay more (without them claiming it all back in benefits at the other end!), would it go some way to solve the problem or not touch the sides?

Yes but unfortunately CMS needs an over haul. They do very little. Yearly bank statements should have to be uploaded but it won't happen.

Yanbu, it is insane that so many parents, let’s face it - fathers-, are allowed to just waltz off in to the sunset responsibility free.
Don’t the Americans have a system where you can’t have a passport if you don’t pay your child maintenance? That would be a start.

I think it would make a massive difference. I don't get how the CSA are incapable of finding these men who don't pay what they are supposed to. I bet that if the CSA paid the child support to the resident parent and then chased the non resident support for the money, they would find a way of making them pay.

I agree it ought to be much easier for resident parents to get non-resident parents to pay, and I know it is gendered.

However, I am one of your statistics, as is my female ex-partner, and I'm pregnant with a baby I conceived on my own, so in two different ways I am a single mum without there being a man responsible for it. Although these things are still not that common, they do happen, and I think it is a good thing that they can. I also think (again: my experience): thank god there are more women who can get away from abusive, cruel partners. Part of the reason so many women stayed is because they couldn't get away.

We absolutely need a fairer system where it's not easy for someone to produce a child then decide 'nah, I don't fancy paying for that child'. But it's very important it doesn't come at the cost of women's and children's safety and basic happiness, and that is a realistic concern.

Child support used to be deducted from benefits. They stopped that as many dads didn't pay, and those who did used withholding payments as a weapon against mother, leaving mother and child in abject poverty. It's cheaper to not calculate child support, and fairer for the families to know that they will at least get their benefits.

I find it crazy that a "step" fathers income is taken into account while assessing the benefits a mother should get for her children, but not the actual fathers. (Step father including non married partners). So unrelated men are expected to have a bigger responsibility than the fathers.

I agree, making men pay would lift so many kids out of poverty. They should be named and shamed. Have passports and driving licences suspended.

It's interesting that HMRC can track you down for the last £1.00 you owe but CMS can't find and make these men pay.

Why do the government never talk of this when talking about child poverty?

I remember when CMS was first introduced, it was supposed to be so much easier to claim from an ex, but it really doesn’t cover everything and could be so, so, much better, it needs to cover those who are self employed, don’t work, cannot work, retired, have new partners and become stay at home parents to new DC, all ways to not pay CMS.

What’s the percentage for living with both parents?

I imagine a decent number of the 3/4 of children who aren’t in single parent households are in stepparent situations.

And what’s the percentage of NRPs with arrears?

Yup, and? I’m a single adoptive parent. Always have been for 18 years. No fella has lived under my roof in that time. By parenting two of society’s most complex, disabled and vulnerable children, I save the state in excess of £150,000 per annum that would be spent on foster care, children’s homes and social workers. These threads annoy me. So much misogyny.

I believe thats how its done in America or at least some parts

Yes, I wonder how many of the 4 have outstanding child support in total not just how many are in single parent families.

Not paying for your child should be a criminal offence, just like it is in many European countries.

You’re not wrong that the parent should be paying, not the state, but the fact is many sets of parents can’t pay for a household between them, let alone two.

DH knows a couple who broke up, the dad works full time on about 45k and the mum works a couple of days a week. Kids are about 9, 11 and 13. They had a nice rented three bed, after the split she kept it as she’s kept the UC, and he’s rented a two bed he can barely afford. The kids don’t want to share a bedroom so barely stay over which means the CMS is being recalculated at almost £700 a month (which means he’s going to have to downsize to a one-bed, so even if they wanted to stay, they can’t).

The mum has more money than she’s ever had. The dad is near suicidal and completely broke.

I don’t think that’s fair either.

Agree but men find ways to get around paying a fair amount. A few do things like work cash in hand and don’t declare it for example. Some men actually choose not to work so they can pay £2 a week or whatever it is if you’re unemployed. I also think it’s a joke that the amount goes down if a man moves in with someone else’s children.

If the kids don’t want to stay over he should downsize or get a house share.

He is, he’s downsizing, but that means the kids won’t have anywhere to stay if they change their minds, and will only save him a few hundred a month (which will probably go on entertaining the kids on his time with them).

My point is someone shouldn’t be better off being supported by the state and CMS than they were in a relationship with that person, who works full time on an above average wage.

How would it work when they go on and get the next woman pregnant, mind you why women do it i have no idea

Why should original children have to go without because the next women wants to have kids with them

I lost my and my daughter’s home when her Dad and I separated, we had been together 15 years and were married but he started to take drugs and then had an affair and I was unable to tolerate being married to him any longer. She was 11. He walked away, quit his well paid job to retrain as a plasterer, earned minimum money on the books and the rest cash in hand and CMS couldn’t touch him much. We were left homeless. I worked my arse off in 3 jobs to be able to afford to get us a private rented lovely flat and her Dad merrily fucked off to Australia with all the money he had saved up never to be seen again. Things need to change.

To be fair, I don't think many Americans have passports anyway. It's probably not much of a threat over there.
Removing driving licences could work but I suspect those blokes would continue to drive regardless. They won't get caught.
I've always received maintenance but my ex has always been employed.

In California, the state can revoke/deny your passport; suspend not just your drivers license, but any professional licenses; garnish your wages; confiscate any tax refunds; put a lien on property; and issue an arrest warrant, among other things. Also, if a parent receives benefits because the other parent doesn’t pay court ordered child support, the state can require deadbeat parent to repay all benefits retroactively.

You didn't conceive your baby on your own, a man is required ( including sperm donation).
This reduces the role of the man to a sperm donor. At the same time, society vilifies women who get pregnant by casual relationships and men who are not upholding their parental commitments.
All very conflicting with double standards.

No way?!

Are you sure?

How did I not notice that at the time? You'd think I'd have noticed, what with all the rounds of IVF and that. I must be super slow on the uptake not to have realised what the funny pink stuff in the little vial was.

Totally thought I was the second Virgin Mary here. Thanks so much for taking the time to explain it to silly ol' me.