Page 4 | A quarter of kids live in single parent families

CheeseIsMyIdol · 02/12/2025 01:46

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Wheresmypinkshirt · 02/12/2025 03:06

CheeseIsMyIdol · 02/12/2025 00:08

We need a national mandatory male DNA database so paternity can be established at birth.
if they go into arrears on CM, they lose drivers license, professional/trade license, passport and anything else issued by the government.

My brother/SIL neighbours ex is having a child. This is the 9th woman he's got pregnant, more than 9 children in total though. He doesn't pay relatives neighbour hardly any maintenance because he can't support 14, soon to be 15, children on his wage. She gets a few quid A MONTH for their children together because he cheated because she 'changed after children' and then went on a 'breeding spree'. And she's the one judged for being a single mother...

PollyBell · 02/12/2025 03:16

Wheresmypinkshirt · 02/12/2025 03:06

My brother/SIL neighbours ex is having a child. This is the 9th woman he's got pregnant, more than 9 children in total though. He doesn't pay relatives neighbour hardly any maintenance because he can't support 14, soon to be 15, children on his wage. She gets a few quid A MONTH for their children together because he cheated because she 'changed after children' and then went on a 'breeding spree'. And she's the one judged for being a single mother...

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What has he got going for him that makes him a great baby daddy

ChersHandbag · 02/12/2025 03:28

TheNightingalesStarling · 01/12/2025 09:00

I find it crazy that a "step" fathers income is taken into account while assessing the benefits a mother should get for her children, but not the actual fathers. (Step father including non married partners). So unrelated men are expected to have a bigger responsibility than the fathers.

Yes. This is the system’s way of implying that it is the mother’s duty to cater for the children. Then, in turn, it is the man’s (as in her current partner) duty to keep the mother supported. It doesn’t properly acknowledge the direct response link from dad to kids. Very old fashioned.

Muffinmam · 02/12/2025 03:53

AdventAnnie · 01/12/2025 08:51

One in four kids live in single-parent families today compared to 1 in 20 when I was born in the 70s.

Surely the priority to fund the cost of the benefits system and the affordable housing crisis, is to make both parents contribute much more to the cost of raising their children? Family breakdown tends to impoverish both parents to some degree, but so many absent dads in particular seem to get away with it.

What do you all think - if we could make these men pay more (without them claiming it all back in benefits at the other end!), would it go some way to solve the problem or not touch the sides?

I think a massive problem is the default 50/50 custody split.

You end up having families who are not only broken but who are blended and parents who have even more children.

I think that for many people welfare is not a safety net - it’s a lifestyle.

I also think we are raising men who are shitty human beings.

fedupposter · 02/12/2025 08:06

Orangine · 01/12/2025 09:24

DH knows a couple who broke up, the dad works full time on about 45k and the mum works a couple of days a week. Kids are about 9, 11 and 13. They had a nice rented three bed, after the split she kept it as she’s kept the UC, and he’s rented a two bed he can barely afford. The kids don’t want to share a bedroom so barely stay over which means the CMS is being recalculated at almost £700 a month (which means he’s going to have to downsize to a one-bed, so even if they wanted to stay, they can’t).

The mum has more money than she’s ever had. The dad is near suicidal and completely broke.

I don’t think that’s fair either.

I work in a male dominated environment and sadly this is the norm for men post separation.

RavenPie · 02/12/2025 08:45

Wages for lower earners are rising and there is more and more help with childcare yet the government can’t get to grips with child poverty because all too often there is a whole-ass parent simply not contributing what it actually costs to raise a child.

Having one parent in a household will financially impact a child compared to having two, almost always. Lots of men don’t contribute what it costs (even if contributing what they are legally obliged) and all too often the state picks up the tab. There is no point in people wittering that they earn plenty or they have chosen single parenthood through adoption of sperm donation, or they know a dad who gives more than enough and is now poor himself. On a population level, nearly 40% of UC claimants are single parent households. Of course, child maintenance isn’t used to calculate UC so some of those parents will be getting a huge handout plus substantial support for the other parent. Two parent households could never pull that off. While single parenthood continues to rise and any and all money contributed by the non-resident parent is not taken into account by UC, the benefits bill will rise and rise. Benefits for children (and student loans) need to be calculated on parental income - not on what the poorest parent earns, just like it is for 2 parent households. Taking into account the additional cost in housing the second parent somewhere else is one thing, dismissing their contribution altogether is another.

MinnieCauldwell · 02/12/2025 08:54

I am always staggered when I see posts about blended families, he has 2 or 3, so does she, then they have one together. The kids must miss out a bit unless they are both high earning.

Velveletteslonleylonelygirlami · 02/12/2025 09:00

AdventAnnie · 01/12/2025 08:51

One in four kids live in single-parent families today compared to 1 in 20 when I was born in the 70s.

Surely the priority to fund the cost of the benefits system and the affordable housing crisis, is to make both parents contribute much more to the cost of raising their children? Family breakdown tends to impoverish both parents to some degree, but so many absent dads in particular seem to get away with it.

What do you all think - if we could make these men pay more (without them claiming it all back in benefits at the other end!), would it go some way to solve the problem or not touch the sides?

A lot of women were stuck in the 70s in abusive/violent marriages .I know this because my mum was one of them.
In a block of 8 flats there was three battered wives(horrible 70s term).
So I'm glad things have changed for the better as in there's more help.

Mind it would be better if some men didn't lift their hand to partner/wife/children.

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/12/2025 09:05

Yes amazing how they can stalk you down to pay tax but not cms

tho ex does pay cms but a whole £27.50 as on benefits as he won’t work and that’s the cap they have to pay

yet seem to find money to drink - 2 bottles cost is over what he pays me …….

just as well that I have a good job and I work hard and anything dd has is down to me and as she gets older she will see /understand that

PropertyD · 02/12/2025 09:20

God this is depressing. So many people in these situations on benefits, having children with crap men. Then both parties going off having kids with new partners and complaining they just need to have benefits when often they have made these choices themselves.

Brainstorm23 · 02/12/2025 09:23

Yay..another thread bashing men and divorced/separated parents as if there weren't enough of them already.

Netcurtainnelly · 02/12/2025 16:11

Why dont men want to pay, they would pay if they were still.together wouldn't they?
They should be proud and happy to support their kids.

Flauwa · 02/12/2025 16:20

I think it’s appalling. I honestly can’t believe the circumstances in which people have children.

My grandmother had many foster kids. Nothing sadder than seeing a child who feels unloved. It’s totally avoidable. The scale is sickening. JUST USE PROTECTION

Selfish, immature bastards.

There will always be an element of it being unavoidable - abuse only coming out post pregnancy etc. But many instances are totally preventable.

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/12/2025 16:24

@Flauwa where did anyone say their children are unloved

mini blondes was/is the most wanted and loved child and I spent 10yrs ttc thousands having her via ivf

but due to her dads behaviour and addictions I kicked him out and now a single parent

not what I had in mind when she was conceived /born but I work hard to give her everything she needs as he pays basic cms of £27.50 a month

Dweetfidilove · 02/12/2025 16:24

Orangine · 01/12/2025 09:24

DH knows a couple who broke up, the dad works full time on about 45k and the mum works a couple of days a week. Kids are about 9, 11 and 13. They had a nice rented three bed, after the split she kept it as she’s kept the UC, and he’s rented a two bed he can barely afford. The kids don’t want to share a bedroom so barely stay over which means the CMS is being recalculated at almost £700 a month (which means he’s going to have to downsize to a one-bed, so even if they wanted to stay, they can’t).

The mum has more money than she’s ever had. The dad is near suicidal and completely broke.

I don’t think that’s fair either.

This really is one of the saddest things I've read.
I don't think I could apply for an increase in CM because the children refused to share a bedroom. I mean, surely you encourage them to go and feel a bit of 'discomfort' for a short period.
This sounds dreadful all round ☹️.

Flauwa · 02/12/2025 16:24

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/12/2025 16:24

@Flauwa where did anyone say their children are unloved

mini blondes was/is the most wanted and loved child and I spent 10yrs ttc thousands having her via ivf

but due to her dads behaviour and addictions I kicked him out and now a single parent

not what I had in mind when she was conceived /born but I work hard to give her everything she needs as he pays basic cms of £27.50 a month

Tbh I think I have conflated the issue with children being in care. I apologise.

DeftGoldHedgehog · 02/12/2025 16:26

I agree. I would focus on men who apparently don't own or earn anything so do not contribute to their children, while living the lifestyle of someone who appears well-off. It should be treated like tax evasion or benefit fraud.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 02/12/2025 16:28

CheeseIsMyIdol · 02/12/2025 00:08

We need a national mandatory male DNA database so paternity can be established at birth.
if they go into arrears on CM, they lose drivers license, professional/trade license, passport and anything else issued by the government.

How are they going to pay any maintenance when you've removed any way for them to earn a living?

Netcurtainnelly · 02/12/2025 16:31

PropertyD · 02/12/2025 09:20

God this is depressing. So many people in these situations on benefits, having children with crap men. Then both parties going off having kids with new partners and complaining they just need to have benefits when often they have made these choices themselves.

Exactly, and why do people keep needing to have children when they get with someone new?

kornwall · 02/12/2025 16:37

Wheresmypinkshirt · 02/12/2025 03:06

My brother/SIL neighbours ex is having a child. This is the 9th woman he's got pregnant, more than 9 children in total though. He doesn't pay relatives neighbour hardly any maintenance because he can't support 14, soon to be 15, children on his wage. She gets a few quid A MONTH for their children together because he cheated because she 'changed after children' and then went on a 'breeding spree'. And she's the one judged for being a single mother...

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Well she was monumentally stupid to have a child with him.

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/12/2025 16:54

Flauwa · 02/12/2025 16:24

Tbh I think I have conflated the issue with children being in care. I apologise.

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💖

tinselonthetreeforxmas · 02/12/2025 17:00

It’s not just men not paying. My Dad raised me and my sibling as a lone parent when I was 9, my Mum gave no maintenance, or bought us clothing or necessities, even though we lived with my Dad full-time, her husband was wealthy too. We were living in poverty. Both parents should be paying for their children.

Dweetfidilove · 02/12/2025 17:03

GogoGobo · 01/12/2025 20:47

The reality is most averagely paid people need every penny as a couple to sustain a reasonable standard of living. When they split, that money has to to cover two sets of bills/accommodation etc, so the State steps in and subsidises this. There is a complete lack of personal responsibility and yes, some men are bad eggs and the woman is right to separate from them, but not 1 in 4! Too easy to be supported by the state and not have to work through problems and tough times. And it’s what so many kids have issues.

1 in 4 women have experienced DV, so yes, 1 in 4 is a representative figure. And that won't include half the shit women on MN alone are 'working through '.
Many children in 2 parent households experience all types of issues from the horrible relationships modelled to them.

Nightlight8 · 02/12/2025 17:06

tinselonthetreeforxmas · 02/12/2025 17:00

It’s not just men not paying. My Dad raised me and my sibling as a lone parent when I was 9, my Mum gave no maintenance, or bought us clothing or necessities, even though we lived with my Dad full-time, her husband was wealthy too. We were living in poverty. Both parents should be paying for their children.

The majority of parents are men though. Very few men are the resident parent. Hats off to your dad though.