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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My daughter isn’t eating!

62 replies

SimpleSong · 30/11/2025 15:40

Sorry, this isn’t an AIBU, but I’m desperate. My DD has had a cough for the last few days, along with a fever, and has been really under the weather. She is 12, and has eaten very little for 5 days now. She says she feels sick and can’t eat. Which I do understand.

The issue is, she has been underweight and is working towards getting up to a goal weight set by her doctor. I am worried that 5 days of very minimal food is going to be really consequential for her. For instance, today she has had a brioche roll and a half a bowl of super noodles. I know neither of these are healthy, but I took her to the shop and let her choose anything she thought she might eat.

I just don’t know what to do. Does anyone have any words of wisdom? Please help.

OP posts:
Original poster
SimpleSong · 30/11/2025 15:41

Her being underweight had another medical cause. However, that cause did result in nausea which made eating difficult.

OP posts:
Zippidydoodah · 30/11/2025 15:41

Does she/can she drink build-up drinks?

Original poster
SimpleSong · 30/11/2025 15:42

She has some of these prescribed but has run out and the pharmacy has said they can’t order her usual ones. She is very fussy about which ones she will drink.

OP posts:
Original poster
SimpleSong · 30/11/2025 15:43

I’m chasing this up with her medical team at the moment.

OP posts:
TheWonderhorse · 30/11/2025 15:43

OP I can absolutely understand the worry, but she's not well. Nobody wants to eat when they're ill. If you push too hard now you're going to do her more harm than good. Offer little and often, encourage snacks, you can do no more than that at the moment.

Original poster
SimpleSong · 30/11/2025 15:43

I think I’m afraid.

OP posts:
TheWonderhorse · 30/11/2025 15:45

SimpleSong · 30/11/2025 15:43

I think I’m afraid.

I can see why you're worried, really. But the most important thing you can do right now is stay calm and encourage without pushing. Her diet at the moment is normal for her condition.

Balloonhearts · 30/11/2025 15:48

She isn't going to die from a week not eating, even if she had nothing at all. She's drinking which is good and no one wants to eat when ill, it'll just make her feel worse. Let her recover, give her small dry salty snacks and see if she'll have an ice lolly for sugar.

Original poster
SimpleSong · 30/11/2025 15:48

I’ve already put pressure on her. Now feel like I’ve messed everything up.

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 30/11/2025 15:49

Can you get some easy to eat higher calorie options like ice cream, protein yogurts and small things she can snack on rather than eating a meal.

Sensitive Question : Is she avoiding eating and using nausea as an excuse or is she genuinely unable to face food.

I would go to the GP tomorrow and ask for anti nausea medication?

rebeccachoc · 30/11/2025 15:49

My mum has had nausea and vomiting for years and swears by plain rich tea biscuits. Can you not ask your GP tomorrow for anti nausea meds? There are ones you stick between your lip and gums and it melts, so no swallowing of nasty tablets needed.

Original poster
SimpleSong · 30/11/2025 15:50

I didn’t know we could get anti nausea tablets. That’s good to know. We have ice cream, protein yoghurts etc but she won’t touch them unfortunately.

OP posts:
TheWonderhorse · 30/11/2025 15:51

SimpleSong · 30/11/2025 15:48

I’ve already put pressure on her. Now feel like I’ve messed everything up.

OP be gentle with yourself and her. You're doing your best and I can't criticise you even if ai wanted to because I haven't been there.

It's alright though. This isn't an emergency. Try to accept that her attaining the weight goal will not be a straight line, there will be hiccups and it's nobody's fault. This is okay.

CandyCaneKisses · 30/11/2025 15:55

It’s the vicious cycle of feeling sick because you aren’t eating and then feeling sick when you do eat. I’ve experienced it and she has to push through it and it goes away.

rebeccachoc · 30/11/2025 15:56

SimpleSong · 30/11/2025 15:50

I didn’t know we could get anti nausea tablets. That’s good to know. We have ice cream, protein yoghurts etc but she won’t touch them unfortunately.

All of those are too rich for someone feeling sick. Please do dry biscuits or dry toast and then gently introduce small amounts of anything else she'll eat.

BTW I don't know if these specific tablets can be prescribed to children so don't hold me to it.

And as putting pressure on her, just say sorry I was just panicking as I want you to be well and eating again but I know it's an awful feeling so let's take it at your pace until a doctor says otherwise (or something like that so it's a finite you lead this, but for now she calms down about it).

Pearlmaster500 · 30/11/2025 15:57

Hopefully she will get her appetite back soon, poor thing! I would literally give her anything she wants even if it is some super noodles and a brioche!! Ice lollies, salty crisps, biscuits..Anything! I’m sure she will be absolutely fine most people lose their appetites when they are poorly. Is there any takeaways she likes could she be temped to eat a little?

user1471538275 · 30/11/2025 16:03

It sounds very hard and you sound understandably worried.

But, this is a short term blip in the long term plan. You have to focus on the long term plan.

There are always going to be bumps along the way of her ultimately becoming a healthy weight.

Simple carbs are easy to absorb when you're nauseous so I understand why she would pick those.

I think you have to stick with the usual principles of children and food - you control what you offer and they control what they take.

Hydration is most important - if you can add calories into the drinks that's a bonus, but not if it stops her drinking.

If money is not an issue, can you ask her what she fancies and get that with minimal judgment on whether it's 'enough'.

Whatafustercluck · 30/11/2025 16:07

8yo dd had this recently and she's only just beginning to eat proper portions again now. She's autistic, so being ill really knocks her - especially as she has a fear of being sick and goes into a panic attack whenever she feels sick. For ages afterwards, her food intake is extremely limited until she feels confident that she won't be sick. She loses a lot of weight. I focus on keeping her hydrated.

In your situation, I'd continue to give her whatever she fancies, whether it's healthy or not. Dd loves gravy, so I was able to convince her to try mashed potato with gravy, nothing else. And fruit cut up small. Also breadsticks, cucumber - really just took my lead from her. Small portions just to get her used to eating again and building confidence. Even chocolate. Her appetite still isn't back to pre-sickness, but she's eating enough and getting back to her normal self.

Good luck op.

Original poster
SimpleSong · 30/11/2025 16:09

I’ve tried the takeaway thing. I ordered her favourite pizzas and thought that maybe she’d try some but no. I have put some really bland foods out for her, like plain crackers, breadsticks, dried toast, but she’s just not eating.

OP posts:
Yabayabadoo · 30/11/2025 16:18

Mcdonalds/ 5 guys milkshake

socoldtoday · 30/11/2025 16:26

Anything is better than nothing even junk food which she has as a treat. Buy what she LOVES even if it’s not ideal eg sweets or chocolate. Sometimes when poorly a decision to eat is too much when you feel rubbish. Can you buy fresh OJ or a can of pop (ones with sugar in) or a smoothie put it in a glass and leave by the side of her. edamame pods / peas things are quite dense and have lots of calories.

Another idea put some “junk items and fruit at the side of her on a plate don’t talk about it and walk off. No more talking about food. Like a mummy snack plate at the side of her. Never question the plate. Never give the crisps / sweets with the wrapper on as she might / could be watching her calories always unwrap things / pour drinks into a glass as if she knows OJ is 300cals a glass she might not have it. Milkshakes are good for calories.

Pizza express dough balls try the treat food / pitta bread. Or humous / avocado / nuts all those dense food

Good luck hope she feels better soon

Original poster
SimpleSong · 30/11/2025 16:47

Thank you. I generally have no rules with her on what she can and can’t eat due to her weight gain needs. So she’s quite used to having lots of freedom, and knows that anything she wants right now, she can have, or I will buy it if it’s not here. She isn’t drinking enough. Maybe I should buy rehydration sachets.

OP posts:
muggart · 30/11/2025 16:47

this is really weird to me. her body doesn’t want food, she should trust that (unless she’s anorexic) and attempting to push her towards ice cream and other junk food is not what her body needs right now.

i would boil some chicken meat / bones into a broth for her to drink. you can include veggies if you want the nutrients.

but really being underweight for a short period of time isn’t a big deal.

Pearlmaster500 · 30/11/2025 16:50

muggart · 30/11/2025 16:47

this is really weird to me. her body doesn’t want food, she should trust that (unless she’s anorexic) and attempting to push her towards ice cream and other junk food is not what her body needs right now.

i would boil some chicken meat / bones into a broth for her to drink. you can include veggies if you want the nutrients.

but really being underweight for a short period of time isn’t a big deal.

Well it’s better than nothing!!

Xmastime37522 · 30/11/2025 16:51

My 11 year old daughter is exactly the same as this. When she isn't well, or is worried about something she can't eat. If she tries to eat she starts retching and will actually vomit. I find it very distressing.

She ended up in hospital once on a drip as she also stopped drinking as well as eating when she had a virus.
She is also very slim and has no fat on her. When she's feeling ok she eats really well but she does worry me.
All I can say is if she usually eats ok try not to worry and hopefully her appetite will pick up again once better