My daughter isn’t eating!

[SimpleSong]

Sorry, this isn’t an AIBU, but I’m desperate. My DD has had a cough for the last few days, along with a fever, and has been really under the weather. She is 12, and has eaten very little for 5 days now. She says she feels sick and can’t eat. Which I do understand.

The issue is, she has been underweight and is working towards getting up to a goal weight set by her doctor. I am worried that 5 days of very minimal food is going to be really consequential for her. For instance, today she has had a brioche roll and a half a bowl of super noodles. I know neither of these are healthy, but I took her to the shop and let her choose anything she thought she might eat.

I just don’t know what to do. Does anyone have any words of wisdom? Please help.

I've only read your posts not all those in the thread. It doesn't sound like she's drinking much? Dehydration can cause nausea too. If I were you, I'd focus on getting fluids in her, however she'll take them.

Get her to sip water throughout the day, its often easier than drinking glasses at a time. Give her ice to suck and crunch.
Ice lollies. Jelly. Ice cream. Fruit - apples, pears, berries. Fruit juice.
Yoghurts, frozen yoghurt.

Foods with high water content:
A little soup.

Lettuce and cucumber. Tomatoes. Milkshakes, smoothies.

Focus on finger foods. A selection of bits on a plate she can pick up absent mindedly.

One trick I learned from working with dementia patients - foods look more appealing on a blue background, so find a pretty blue plate and bowl.

By all means continue offering bread and crackers too if she likes them, but salty foods are more likely to stimulate her thirst, so also try a few ready salted crisps or salted nuts. Or popcorn.

Would she be tempted by a little cheese? An egg sandwich? You can leave out mayonnaise- when you haven't eaten in a while, you can really taste richness in foods so I'd boil an egg how she likes it and make a plain egg sandwich.

The problem when one doesn't eat due to sickness is that you reach a point when the idea of food is off putting. Explain to her that this is normal but without nutrition she will spiral into a negative cycle of feeling weak, sick and less like eating. She must push through it. And yes, you know how hard it feels but it's temporary and she will start to feel much better when she's taking a bit more in.

When my daughter had Covid a few years ago she barely ate for weeks. She’s quite slim and got really tiny and it was horrible. We ended up in hospital as she was shaking so much and they said to focus on salt and sugar to keep her from getting like that again. So she had full fat coke and jelly and nibbled on crisps when she could manage. Jelly was honestly really helpful just to keep her blood sugar up. And Gatorade - though we ended up with loads as she could only cope with one flavour and I think it’s disgusting. I was in such a panic though so kept buying things.

It was a few months of this - we graduated to crackers and a spoonful of peanut butter and then inched up to soup and on and on. She’s absolutely fine now but any time she’s anxious or unwell she stops eating. It makes me super anxious myself and I know sometimes I make it worse by fussing around too much. It’s really hard to find the balance.

I’d consider Gatorade if there’s a flavour she can tolerate.

Also lucozade sport and jelly drops https://www.jellydrops.com/

I agree with full fat Coke - anything that will rehydrate and get some blood sugar back. Glucose tablets. Lucozade.

Tried full fat Coke. She doesn’t like it but drank a small amount yesterday. Will try again today.

Get onto another supply of her nutrient drinks.
Try to always have a weeks supply of her favourite.
Keep her drinking.
Does she like icecream?
Cordials, Lucazade.
Milk shakes?
Eggs?

I wonder if there’s something going round. My 19yo DD has the same and she normally eats well. She has lost her appetite, feels nauseous, and vomited on Sunday (I did actually ask if she was pregnant, but no). She felt a bit better yesterday but still isn’t back to her usual self. She has had it for about a week now. It could be in part because she’s tired and stressed about uni work, etc.

I feel your pain OP. My DD had medical issues growing up which made eating problematic. Have you tried plain potato waffles? DD used to say they smelt good cooking which made her want to eat them but they are really plain so didn't make her feel so sick.

Depends what's wrong with her. When my ds had flu he was ill and off food for fully 10 days. So in a generally well child of normal weight I dont think 6 days would necessarily be ofconcern - but your ddd already had issues with her weight so I think medical advice might be prudent.

My youngest DD had very severe failure to thrive. She was placed on a very high calorie diet by hospital peadiatric dieticians. Even now if she is unable to follow it she rapidly loses weight. I would imagine any food issues on top such as AFRID would make the small percentage of kids who need uber extra calories far tougher to feed when unwell.

To combat migraine caused nausea her GP prescribes her prescription anti-emetics as buccal tablets. these are slowly dissolved in her mouth over an hour. They do not taste great. She can tolerate the taste so they help reduce nausea.

I only buy her the sugar laden fruit cordials such as Belvoir Farms and Rocks. Hospital said she NEEDS to sugar hit and the calories it brings. When she is unwell and feels sick she loves Belvoirs Ginger Cordial. They are often in a separate section from kids squash in the supermarket. Good dental hygiene is a must.

Continue to offer small snacks she can face. Mine loves dried fruit. I make her home made chicken strips to nibble instead of crisps. I add extra cream and butter and cheese to home mashed potato with carrot and other root veggies. Again I leave her small pots in the fridge as something she can use as a dip. I make her home made jelly using fresh fruit purée and a vegan gelling agent to thicken it with sugar and she has that with clotted cream. TBH I found her dieticians very helpful at suggesting calorie dense small snacks options. I will be honest not all of them have been hits for her and some she has refused to eat.

Think what your Dd has eaten over the past month rather than just the week she has not been well. Encourage her to drink and offer a range of easy to swallow drinks, check Lucazade for the one that contains sugar rather than sweetners, and easy to swallow simple food such as simple home made smooth soup, jelly, porridge made with gold top milk and so on. Try and step back from focussing on what she is refusing to face and look at what she is able to face and try to think of how extra calories and food nutrients can be added to those over time.

If you are concerned, and believe me I get that, then call her GP or dietician if she is still under one.

Any chance she could be emetophobic? It's extremely common but often overlooked and has nothing to do with ED although the symptoms look very similar. It usually starts in childhood and ramps up during puberty but sufferers keep it secret and it gets mixed up with OCD, anorexia, anxiety disorder etc.

Emetophobia is phobia of being sick on a surface level but boils down to a complex fear of bodily functions, anxiety, sensory issues and control. The best way to start with safe foods (least likely to make you sick) like carbs, bread, rice, pasta, potatoes and chocolate/packaged snacks. Mention that those foods are least likely to upset your stomach, easily digested etc.

Emetophobes often have a lot of nausea out of pure anxiety and of course if they've been ill otherwise. That triggers more fear of being sick which leads to devilish cycle, and the only solution is to not eat anything until you feel regulated again. Starving becomes a form of emotional regulation. It overlaps significantly with ND so if you suspect she's on the spectrum then learning how to unmask and reducing overall anxiety helps a lot.

The typical profile of an emetophobic girl is one that's been skinny all her life, perfectionist, does well in school, high masking (if ND) and often has immense artistic or creative talent. Not sure if that applies to your daughter but worth looking into.

All normal rules are off. Forget “healthy” food she just needs calories.