How do I get over this? It’s gut wrenching and horrible

[Lillymayedwards]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years, he’s never been one for big romantic gestures but for the few months or so he has been over romantic, and practically perfect in every way. Planning dates, nights out, bringing me flowers, running me baths….I have been in an absolute happy bubble to the point it’s been so perfect more than it ever has been in 2 years.

Well until 2 weeks ago when I got a message from another woman on Facebook telling me that she was also seeing my boyfriend!! I asked him about it and he denied it out right. A day later I asked him again and then he admitted it and said he had been messaging her everyday and they have got close but nothings happened between them. I am not sure I believe this but I can’t prove they’ve done anything either the girl has blocked me and I can’t ask her.

Im not sure what to do yet stay or leave or even if he wants me too. But that’s not what I’m actually here asking, I just have an absolute gut wrenching horrid pain over this and I’m crying pretty much everyday since I found out. I have an absolute jealous feeling towards this girl that he’s now saying he likes her so much and I’ve looked at her on Facebook before I got blocked she’s stunning. I have had break ups before but never ever felt this betrayed I cannot get out of this horrible feeling, I feel numb and depressed and I don’t even know if he has fully cheated. Why is this such an extreme reaction? I can barely function it’s like I’ve gone from perfect life to absolutely depressed!

Run whilst you can! Thats all the advice I can give you. Sorry you are feeling like this, but from past experience - it probably wont be the last time he does it! X

I’m very sorry this has happened to you but for goodness sake have some self respect and dump him. He has completely betrayed you and if he hasn’t physically cheated on you, he is clearly emotionally involved in someone else.

I’m sorry for what you are going through. But it wasn’t a perfect life before. The gut wrenching pain is you realising that it was an illusion and he was never the lovely guy you thought he was. I’m sorry. You know you need to get rid and just ride this bit out. You deserve better.

So while he has been cheating on you with this OW he has been trying to cover his tracks by being romantic and attentive? What a devious piece of work he is. The sheer calculated deception of his actions is disgusting.
You will never be able to trust him OP.

I'm sorry you are going through this but at least you have found out his true colours.

What a horrible betrayal. If you don't break up with him now he will cheat on you again my lovely. You deserve to be happy and he's not the one.

It’s a shock, but you’ll look back and be glad it ended. What a snake.

His change in behaviour is because he has a guilty conscience or was trying to throw you off the scent (or both) so he’s obviously guilty of something. Dump him op.

Its not an extreme reaction - its a valid reaction to the life you thought you had disappearing in the space of one conversation.

If you want advice, leave now. You may want to get back want you thought you had, forgive his 'one mistake'etc. But in doing so, youre teaching him that there are no repercussions for that behaviour, so he'll do it again. And you'll always be looking for a sign that something is wrong, whether a month, year or a decade from now. That won't leave you. And you'll doubt yourself, wondering if youre 'good enough' for him to stay. And then in 10 years time when you're having the same conversation with him for the 5th time, you'll look at your life thinking 'is this it?'. Just cut your losses, you're worth more than this.

He is a liar and a cheat. Be happy you found out now, before the wedding, mortgage and kids.

This!

OP. This relationship has run its course.

Why would he even talk about this woman instead of making a clean break?

He doesn't deserve you, lovely.

I’m sorry. He doesn’t love you and you deserve someone who loves you.

It's the right reaction in my opinion - what a dreadful betrayal, plus the lying about it when confronted. The important thing is that you listen to how you feel and act accordingly, so do NOT take him back if he offers. Once someone's behaviour has made you feel this awful then no second chances. The horrible gut wrenching pain will pass in time, although it doesnt seem possible right now. Until then, look after yourself, tell friends and family so they can support you, and plan some treats to look forward to. Hand in there.

So basically he's only been nice to you because he knew fine well he was making a mug of you. Don't play the pick me dance, and tell him to bugger off. He's not a nice person nor a perfect boyfriend. He's a total knobhead who gives not two shiny shits about you.

Well that's saved buying him Christmas gifts. Tell her she's welcome to him and mean it.

It’s a broken heart. It takes over your mind & body. So hard…

100% this. It’s very sad right now and you are hurting but in time you’ll be glad he showed you who he really is before you had ties

Very normal to feel like this, it’s heartbreak. I remember this feeling so well, I thought I’d never stop crying, lost so much weight and was completely unlike myself for a long time. It’s horrible, but if you break up it does get better. If you stay it will make you ill, always worrying about what can be trusted.

Look up "betrayal trauma". That's what you're going through.

I hope you can leave him and eventually build a happy life with someone who isn't deceitful.

He has "fully cheated", whether it was physical or not.

Don’t stay. You’ll never fully forgive this or truly trust him. Your mental health will be in tatters.

definitely don’t stay because leaving feels like losing to the other woman.

Even if there's a possible chance nothing physical has happened between your boyfriend and the OW, he's still been involved emotionally. He's tried to cover his tracks by being overly attentive and romantic towards you, giving you a false sense of security. You confronted him, regarding the OW and he lied, until you confronted him again, and admitted contacting this woman regularly. He's minimising the entire situation, hoping he can wheedle his way out of it and you'll believe him. Take it from me, once you 'forgive', he will take this as a sign that you'll put up with anything he throws at you. He'll cheat again and again. I know you're heartbroken, believe me I've been there, but you deserve better, just as I did. A man who genuinely loves you, doesn't behave in this way. Don't settle for anything less than a man who loves, respects and is honest with you. This man isn't showing you any of these things. As hard as it is, you need to hold your head high and end the relationship. You are allowed to feel devastated, cry, be angry, eat ice-cream, drinking wine, rant to a friend down the phone and mope watching rom-coms. You then pick yourself up, dust yourself down and face the world stronger.

This. My exhusband used to have flowers delivered to the house when he'd had sex with someone else. We had 2 tiny children. Don't get into that situation Op.

He’s cheating on you op. She told you he’s her boyfriend. He’s been playing you both. Don’t do the pick me dance, it’s so humiliating and degrading, just walk away.

As soon as I starting reading the sentence about how lovely he'd been for the last few months I absolutely knew what was coming next. He was assuaging his guilt for being a rotten, lying, deceitful cheat by being extra nice to you.

He has cheated, whether he has shagged her or not. He doesn't love you, I'm sorry.

Cut him loose and don't give the fucker another thought. He's not worth your time or energy. She's welcome to him.

Onward and upwards. You deserve better. The quicker he goes in the bin, the sooner you will get what you truly deserve.